Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Vent - other parent

My oldest is 8. He started K reading because, when he was 3, he demanded that I teach him to read. He and another boy were the only ones in their class to take AR tests in K. Then I met his mother. She seems to be trying to raise a super human, at least academically (she is a teacher). She is very friendly with me but very compeditive. When my ds passed 100 AR points in 1st grade, she told him her ds would get it the next day. Fortunately, my ds is completely oblivious to such comments, and I don't think there's any competition between the boys.

At our school, they test for the gifted program in 1st grade. All gifted kids can get enrichment in school, and they can apply for a magnet school. My ds applied and got in. Hers did not test gifted. She thinks her ds is not challenged enough in regular school. (Actually, I think my ds is not being challenged enough in the magnet school, but it's better than it would be at his home school.) I thought it would be all over once they went to 2nd grade and different schools. She shared with me that she'd had her ds tested again and was concerned that he would think he was a failure for not scoring high enough. In my opinion, if he thinks he failed, she's told him too much about why he's taking the tests. I never even used the word "gifted" with my ds until he read it on the sign at his school.

Anyway, we both have younger ds's. Hers should have gone to K last year, but she decided he should get "the gift of time" even though he could read picture books before his final year of preK. Mine is going to school on time, so they're both going to be in the same grade (They start K this year). This was bad enough, but hers was going to go to private school and mine public, so I thought I wouldn't have to worry about anything this year. She'd kicked around the idea of public school and told me that she would ask for a different teacher than her ods had. This summer, I found out her yds is going to public K afterall, and I just found out he's going to be in my yds's class. I'm right back where I was a few years ago (but I didn't know it then: ignorance is bliss).

Now maybe she won't be as uptight about the two younger children. Mine isn't reading like his brother, so maybe he won't stand out. I think my yds is smart, but I don't know if he's gifted. He has a very different personality than my ds, so even if it turns out he gets in, I don't know if we'd send him to the magnet school. In any case, I'm dreading at least 2 years of competition.

AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can't avoid her. She's now a neighbor.

Is this classic teacher 'gifted vision' or what? Seems like she's pushing her bright boy into a mold he doesn't fit and possibly ignoring her other child's potential giftedness...maybe you could offer her some good resources to read up on the real signs of giftedness...it might help. Good luck!

DD's BFF came for a weekend to the beach with her parents. DD was all excited about a sleepover.

The mother is constantly in teaching mode with her DD and then creating situations where she asks to say what number that is, or what read this word. My DD doesn't like to perform on command and I sit silent.

Night-time came and she put a pull up on her 4 year old and DD asked why she was wearing a diaper. Something we did not anticipate as a scenario and the mother asked me doesn't DD wear pull ups at night?

Anyway, the girl felt a little uncomfortable and didn't stay in DD's room, sleepover was a flop in that regard and I am wondering why I invited these people.

It is hard when it is DD's BFF and they are going to be in the same preschool again this year, though going to different schools for kindergarten. My focus is just to expand DD's activities with other kids. These people will fork out $20 for a bottle of wine, but not $15 for a ticket to the Very Young People's Concerts at the Philharmonic. There is another mother who will go to anything I suggest that is child friendly activity and I am focusing on that relationship. The mother works at the UN and they will be going back to Europe after this year, but it helps the immediate term.

I do not know if other options are avaiable, but good luck.

Ren

Hi Keet. I feel for you. Any chance that the kids could be moved to separate classes? Just don't be responsive when she tries to initiate get togethers, etc. Encourage your children to have playdates with other classmates. Hang in there! I've been in a similar scenario with this child joining DS's school for the first time this year. This could go on until 8th! Anyway, they were in the same class (there are only 2 classes in their grade) but there was a last minute shuffle and they are in different classes. See if you can get the kids separated...it would be a beginning, then you won't have to interact as much, won't get invited to the same classmates birthday, etc. Good luck!

Buy a fence :-)

Ugg, the worst. Yes, a very high privacy fence and a huge scary dog that froths at the mouth on command.

Is moving an option?

competitive people can be difficult & it's probably a little from their own insecurities. I wish you patience.

The best way I've found to deal with competitive people is not to play. It's a Judo move. It's hard to keep competing with someone who is effectively saying, "Yes, you win." Even the biggest social bore can't sustain a competition alone for very long.

Just always agree. The more ridiculous the thing you're agreeing with, the better. It highlights the ludicrous nature of the competition faster.

My mom taught me to say "Well...." in a situation when I'm being asked for a specific answer and I know I'll lose no matter what I say. It can be pretty effective. After a bit of silence, you can then introduce a segue ("Oh, look over there!")

Val

How about, "Oh, look over there--a Segway!"