Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Pre-school Intro and question about potty training

Just keep an eye on it. Holding can develop into a stretched bowel and ignoring signals you need to go to the toilet can result in those signals reducing to the point you get about 30 seconds warning - not good when you are out and about. After my experiences with ds9 I would err on the side of caution and check for medical or emotional reasons first.

It sounds like he's had a lot of external baggage attached to a natural act that is rightly within his control. Pediatricians are well aware of the psychology behind toileting for children, which is as important--if not more so--than the physical issue of encopresis.

Yes, it's a control issue, but it's also a trust issue. Does he feel his boundaries are being respected? Is he pushing back because he is being pushed? I would urge you and your GS' parents not to label your GS's behaviour negatively, and certainly wouldn't punish it, as that will lead to further toilet avoidance and compound the issue.

And as to whether this is a medical issue, if he's having impacted fecal matter, I'm sorry, but it is. Long term continence issues can stem from persistent encopresis. The first line intervention here in Canada is to assist in passing the mass gently, then assisting in toileting comfortably (physically) by giving the child water soluble PEG laxatives over the counter for a designated period of time. Only a doctor can provide the appropriate path for your GS given his experience, so don't delay.

we had a nightmare with our eldest - she could hold for weeks. Despite GP advice that she was fine medically it turned out she had a food intolerance. This had by the stage we discovered it evolved into a host of emotional problems associated with going. Please get a second medical opinion before labelling it a behaviour one.

Here is a link to several pages of information presented by Mayo Clinic on encopresis.

A person's willful withholding of stool, even when not due to a medical cause initially, can become a medical problem, as described on the Mayo clinic webpage of information on causes:
Each webpage of information presented by Mayo clinic on encopresis may be of interest, including preparing for your appointment.

Your GS is probably too smart for this, but when DD refused to potty train, I waited until she turned three then told her a big fat lie. I told her that 'the law' was that when you turn three you have to start using the toilet. I said it with such a straight face, and kept up the pretence with a trip to the shops to buy the insert seat, that she totally believed me and toilet trained in one afternoon. There were a few tears, but I just said 'I'm sorry honey, it's not up to me. It's the law. When you turn three you can't wear nappies anymore' and DH nodded empathetically. Not sure if it was great parenting or terrible parenting, but it worked!

Both my boys potty trained at 4.5 years old.

The oldest was a withholding nightmare resulting in constipation and problems. Anxiety and Developmental delays (later Aspergers dx) were a part of it. I try to block that out of my memory. But some things I found were scheduling a sit down on the toilet every night right after bath/shower. The warmth of the water helped relax him and then once he was in the habit his body responded to the routine. I will say that 12 years later I don't have to monitor his bathroom habits--thank god because I thought that day was never going to come back when he was 4-7 years old.

The second was just comfortable with the status quo happy go lucky not in any rush. He was easy once I finally said enough is enough. I put the older boy in spring break gymnastics day camp (both loved their gymnastics classes so he wanted to go too). Day camp didn't take kids not potty trained and I told him that he could have gone too if he would use the toilet and I would do a week of summer day camp for both if he potty trained over spring break. I bought a giant package of m&ms and tons of juices and drinks that I normally didn't buy. Older son out of the way we were able to potty train in three days. Easy peasy. Week of summer gymnastics camp reward in June and we were all happy!

CSaw, I presume you've tried potty training books? Most of them are really quite childish (because most children potty train earlier, I suppose), so we had a difficult time finding ones that would interest our nearly 4 year old at the time. He loved The Long Journey of Mister Poop. Maybe it would help for your GS to understand more about the process?

And by the way, I also sent you a PM.

Personally, I think this approach is abusive. Little children take things quite literally, and adults can traumatize them with ideas like this. I'm sure you meant well and thought you were doing a good thing, but try to see what you said from the perspective of a tiny little kid who might have been thinking she'd go to jail for wetting her pants.

Agreed. Quite cruel.

Good lord, she didn't think she would go to jail for wetting her pants! It was done in good humour, with smiling faces. There was no fear. It was just easier to make her think it wasn't our decision. Whenever something is our decision, she'll argue black and blue about it. If it's a rule set by an external authority, she'll take it on board much better. We've only ever used the 'fake law' trick that once, and it was because she needed to potty train to start daycare. She's a very well loved little girl and we're very easy going parents.