Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy daughter's concerns over friendship

We are having the same issues with dd12 at her gifted school. There are still cliques, "popular" girls and girls who want to be popular. DD just went through a difficult time when best friend played a trick on her just to impress the popular girls. I try to talk to her about what is important in a friendship and to help her look for what she wants in a friend but it's difficult. At this point, I'm looking forward to high school and hoping that a larger student population will offer more opportunities for her to find her group. Since dd is quite introverted, negotiating (speaking up) all of this is difficult for her and painful to watch. I keep reminding myself that I can't "solve" these issues for her; I can just try to give navigation tips.

Y'all are making me think that we should really try and make the gifted middle school work for DS9 - I realize it's hit or miss, but appears the chances for "hit" are higher with gifted peers.

Thanks for all the replies, sharing of your stories and the advice. I think we all know the general principles about different people having different challenges and friends don't have to be all alike etc. I think DD knows it, too. But it's still hard. All the good friends that she has are not like her. They are all good kids. But DD craves for friends with deeper connections, e.g. someone who loves music as much as she does; or more friends who are willing to accept her as who she is. GT kids are asked to accommodate other people who are different; but hardly any other kid is asked to accommodate GT kids because they are different. For example, DD said that some kids get along with her OK, but they would laugh when she makes a mistake in math (she is 3-4 years ahead of the rest of the class in math instruction).

Oh well, it is always easier said than done, especially for kids. I will anxiously wait and see what happens in middle school. The problem is that we don't have good alternatives anyways if the public middle school doesn't work out.

Can you get her into an advanced choir for music? My daughter in the children's chorus of the local opera theatre and it has been a godsend for finding musically gifted friends. Her two closest friends in choir are not as academically talent as dd but they click together and have fun. Plus, since they aren't in school together, the differences rarely come up.

Thanks, this is a great idea. The advanced choir that my DD would have been enrolled in is kind of far. But she does know kids from her theatre and music activities. The difficulty is that kids who play in the same chamber music group or orchestra tend to be much older than her. She used to really enjoy being with friends that she got to know at our local youth theatres. But as she is now more involved in professional theatres, she doesn't really see many kids there anymore...