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Hi EmmaL. Glad to see you back. I know it's hard to see it from your perspective in the middle of the battle but this post sounds to me like you have made some significant steps forward from your posts a few months ago. That is really good news.

First of all breathe... This will be a process and you need to keep yourself as calm as you can in order to remain logical and keep the situation moving forward. Breathing is key here...

I am seeing progress in the guardian ad litem asking you and your ex to compromise, the school asking what you would like for them to do and the GAL asking what you would want from the school in order for him to be able to stay there. I was a GAL in the past and this is exactly what I would have asked you. It may be that you can request specific, concrete things the school can do so both you and your ex are satisfied and your DS gets what he needs. It may be that your requests are specific and concrete enough that the school tells your ex that you are being very realistic and they cannot meet your DS's needs. Or you can make requests that come across as outrageous and someone who cannot be reasoned with. In other words this is a great opportunity and you may be at a cross roads. Again breathe and remain calm and logical.

Please refresh my memory. As I recall your ex has your kids at a private religious school where your DS11 is receiving services but is still struggling. Right? Can you list the services he is receiving? Also how are they being provided - ie I think he has an IEP through your school district. Are they overseeing his services or is the school doing them? What program is being used for the dyslexia? At what frequency? What are the credentials of the person providing the service? How about OT? My DD - about to be 11 - receives daily Wilson intervention for her dyslexia and 3 1/2 hours a week of OT for her dysgraphia split between handwriting, keyboarding and working on voice-to-text. She also receive 1 1/2 hours a week of speech and an hour of counseling. (Her anxiety is well contained after 3 years with a private psych but continues to receive this service just to help deal with all the challenges she faces.) So it sounds like our kids are in very similar - very difficult - situations.

I would be *very* specific in your requests. And no, as much as you might want to don't get snarky. I think the school is trying to figure out how to help. I really do. They don't often see kids like ours - your DS might be the only one these folks see in their career. It takes time for them to understand and accept the reality of the situation. Hopefully with the GAL's help that has happened.

Have you had outside speech, OT and/or reading evals that recommend levels of services? If so that would be your starting point. Look at each one separately and make specific detailed requests, ie

- Wilson or OG daily, 30 (or 60) minutes, with a certified tutor
- An AT eval to determine if keyboarding, voice-to-text or other apps may be appropriate. (My DD uses notability a lot but there are many others)
- OT 3x per week to help with the dysgraphia
- Speech 2x a week
- counseling services at least an hour a week to address anxiety and depression
- opportunity for enrichment in an area of strength so his whole day is not just spent on the drudgery of his disabilities

These are just examples - you need to tailor yours to his needs and be as specific as you can and base it on recommendations from evaluators.

If the school can provide all of this by appropriately qualified people then you ask for a review in 3 months to make sure all is on schedule and is effective. The goal is for him to make more than a year's progress in a years time so he can start to catch up. This is to address the GAL's question of what would you want the school to provide so he can stay there. Practical, detailed and without emotion.

If the school cannot provide all of this then you focus on the compromise part. You work out a schedule where these service are provided elsewhere as part of his school day. Some families take one day a week away from school to do these things, or do them in the morning and then bring the child to school for the afternoon. Or maybe outside service providers can come to the school. If I'm correct that he has an IEP you may be able to get the district to provide the services. Remember your district is obligated to provide FAPE but your ex has elected to remove him and send him to private. This could be tricky getting services (at an appropriate level) from them while he is enrolled at the private. These services may therefore have to be provided privately at considerable extra cost. When we looked into that with a lovely little private I realized it wouldn't work and we enrolled DD in public. After a couple of years they agreed to send her OOD to a special Ed school because there was no way the public could provide the level of service she needed. Our private was willing but it would have been way too expensive. Give this religious school the opportunity to respond. You could end up with an unexpected ally.

I hope some of this helps. Good luck and please continue to keep us posted!

I am trying to wrap my head around a private, religious school that can provide spec Ed services and the tuition is paid by your district. Is this school a spec Ed school with a religious basis or is it a religious private with in house spec Ed? Not that it matters it just doesn't sound like anything I've heard of before.

With the dyslexia remediation when my DD was at the public she worked with a fabulous "old school" spec Ed teacher who took the "a little of each" approach. The way it was explained to me spec Ed folks trained in the 1970's didn't necessarily train in a specific program. They applied the same principals as OG or Wilson or whatever but applied what each child needed individually. Most people told me this was a very good way of doing it if you had someone good. In 1st grade DD was matched with another kid who was repeating the year. It started off ok but DD kept outpacing him. The next year she worked 1-1 with spec Ed teacher who moved from program to program with her because she kept outpacing each program and spec Ed teacher was trying to keep up with her. By 3rd grade DD was placed OOD and the reading specialist at the spec Ed school (much younger and more recently out of school) insisted that it was best to pick one program and stick with it as it builds on itself. This young teacher was the first to *really* get DD's 2Eness so I sat back and let her do her thing. By the end of 4th grade DD was decoding on grade level and working with her on "Lord of the Flies" using a high school literature program (and audio books) for comprehension.

So the "little bit of each" approach may be ok if the person doing it is qualified and knows what they are doing. It's not as easily measurable though. You may want to request that a specific program is followed so his results can be more easily tracked. You may also request an outside program - people here have reported success with Lindamood Bell.

Hopefully others with more specific knowledge about the test results and intervention strategies will weigh in. This is a tough time of year, though. I don't know how much time people are spending reading and responding here. You may have better luck after the first of the year. But do check on the qualifications of the folks doing your son's interventions. They may be completely qualified spec Ed teachers - especially if your district is paying. If they are not that would be something to address right away.

DS8 also has dyslexia and dysgraphia (diagnosed at six). He made a lot of progress using a book called Toe by Toe ($40 on Amazon). It requires 20 min. a day. We did it at home together however his school was so impressed with his progress they started using it with a few students there. It helps with decoding and relies heavily on nonsense words so gifted kids can't cut corners by tapping into their large vocabularies.

He also did a six week session (4 hours a day, five days a week) with Lindamood Bell in the summer.

This combination was extremely helpful. Within about eight months he went from struggling with BOB books to reading chapter books for fun.

He still has dyslexia/dysgraphia related struggles but reading isn't one of them.

More knowledgeable folks than me will weigh in on substance. But I'll just offer this: This is a bad time of year for kids in school. I saw my on/off educational therapist earlier this week as follow up to my meeting with the school re DS's challenges/strengths. She asked how things were going generally, I said we were just hanging in there waiting for the holiday break. Therapist pointed out that DS is so wound up because the school is providing minute-by-minute reminders that CHRISTMAS IS COMING!!!!!!! His behavior is pretty off the rails, but what do they expect when they keep shoving CHRISTMAS IS COMING at all the kids until they are jumping out of their skin. Therapist pointed out that her calendar is completely, totally jammed because kids all over town are struggling. The excitement of this time year appears to have a pretty direct and adverse impact on school behaviors - and probably even more so for a PG/2e kid.

So, I'll just say - hugs to you and your kiddo. And here's to a 2-week break we all need, kids most of all.

Sue

By 12-1-1 I assume you mean 12 students, 1 teacher, 1 aide but due to lower enrollment there are really only 5 students - right? But are these all spec Ed students? Is this a spec Ed teacher? Or is this just overflow students with a regular teacher waiting for an opening in a regular classroom? "Accommodating" the neuropsych's recommendations doesn't necessarily mean meeting DS's needs. The real question is are they looking to satisfy the letter of the law or to actually educate your DS? Do they want to keep the ex satisfied or do they want to do what DS needs? They don't like being in the middle of an obviously litigious situation and want to keep dad happy since he pays the bills. You have to be careful here but it can be done.

I think the thing that bothers me most with what you have described is the idea that this school may be playing at providing spec Ed services for your DS but is not being required to do it in a way that is measurable. Does he actually have an IEP? Last summer when you posted I thought you said he has one through your district and the district is paying the tuition (although you might mean they are paying for the spec Ed services he receives from the school - I'm not really clear on that.) In an IEP Goals and a Objectives have to be written in a way that the students progress is monitored and measured and you can see if he is making progress. You have said a couple of times that he hasn't made progress in 4 years, that the school "doesn't have a crystal ball" to determine when he will close the gap, etc. This needs to get addressed. This is concrete.

If I were you I would do at least one of these 3 things - maybe all.

1. Bring your son's IEP to your distict's spec Ed coordinator (or whoever oversees payment for the services he is receiving at this school). Work with them to make sure the Goals and Objectives are properly written and can be measurable, ie DS will properly decode irregular multi syllable words without context clues 8 out of 10 times or whatever. That they identify the skill, say how the skill will be measured, by whom and what the criteria will be for mastery. The district needs to ensure that he is actually receiving the services for which they are paying. Maybe the district can get the answers regarding qualifications of the teachers. Follow the money - district is paying so they have a vested interest even though your ex isn't holding them to FAPE. School wants to be paid so will likely answer to district even if they won't give you specific answers.

2. Consult with a dyslexia intervention specialist. In my area there is a private OG clinic. KJP brought her DS to a Lindamood Bell program. You will have to see what's in your area. These places will not be cheap but should be effective. Show them your son's IEP and explain he has made no progress. Let them explain how their program differs from what he has been getting, why they think they're program has a better chance of success, what he needs that he is not getting, etc. They may be able to draft better goals and objectives. You may even be able to get the district to cover some or all of this cost if you can make a good argument that what they have been paying for hasn't been effective and the school is unwilling or unable to provide what he actually needs. Or you (or the ex) may have to pay for this service out of pocket...

3. Find an advocate or education consultant who specializes in redrafting IEP's. When I first started on my journey I attended a multiple day training through a nonprofit that advocated for the needs of people with learning disabilities. It was a crash course in a lot of things I didn't yet need but over the years has proved *very* useful. There I met an advocate whose specialty was dissecting IEP's and forcing district's to redraft Goals and Objectives. She would take a single goal amd break it into 7 parts each with its own clearly measurable criteria. These tiny bite size pieces made it very easy to measure a students progress and ensured that everyone was looking at the same data the same way. Again not cheap but better than the educational attorney you mentioned in an earlier post.

I'm guessing the GAL said you were "over the top" because those really are not "worst case scenarios". It's easy to get sucked into the emotions of a situation when advocating for your kids. Try to focus instead on logical, practical solutions. If your DS11 is retained it will make it quite easy to argue the school isn't meeting his needs - right? But it shouldn't get to that point. You need to have clear, measurable progress reports a minimum of every 3 months. If he isn't making progress the program isn't working and needs to be tweeked. Calm, logical, practical. Clearly defined, measurable goals and objectives. Lather, rinse, repeat.

If you haven't yet review the info at Wrightslaw and get copies of some of their books. Even if your ex has removed the kids from the public school there is still good information there that can help you formulate a plan.

Oh Emma, I feel for you. There are so many layers in your situation.

I will say, though, that the social worker is not necessarily the last word on this (as that is not the role of the SW), so reserve judgment and wait for your actual meeting with the GAL. You have documentation and recommendations from appropriate professionals, so your requests are not coming out of thin air.

Hugs.

Oh Emma I don't envy your situation. But as an outsider I am seeing a bit of light peaking around the corner from the other end of your tunnel. You likely have a long way to go before you reach it but I am seeing the first little glimmers. Breathe. Just keep breathing. Every piece of information will help you build your case and formulate a plan to help your DS get what he needs. Just keep breathing...

The no reading tutor is not good for your DS but provides some very good info for working on a solution. That's the irony of these situations - you need to uncover the holes (pardon the pun) in order to know what to address, but each hole you discover is maddening. I know when I was in the worst of our battle I would uncover things like that and lose my mind. I would scream and yell, cry, pace the floor in the middle of the night and then eventually have some sort of an epiphany that would allow me to use the information to open the next door. It is exhausting - physically, emotionally, psychologically, financially - but sadly it is often our reality. This is why breathing is so important. Breathe again.

So how do you use this new information? Do just what the SW said - get "the appropriate educational professional" to "outline the needed adjustment". I think you were brilliant to use the DSM/neurological approach to capitalize on the "medical final say" aspect of your parenting plan. Now you follow up with that. Find the dyslexia expert that I mentioned in an earlier post - OG, Wilson, Lindamood Bell, etc - and have them write up a detailed plan of what a child with your DS's diagnosis *should* be receiving. My guess is it will include daily intervention (or at least multiple times a week) by an appropriately certified tutor/ sped Ed teacher. Have them "outline the needed adjustment". Not you - them. And make sure their letter is signed with as many letters after their name as possible.

An OT eval outlining what he should be receiving for the dysgraphia would also be good. Again with details and as many letters after their name as possible. Maybe try to get an AT evaluation on your own if the district or school hasn't done one. My DD's entire education is reliant on her AT - predominantly an iPad. CoWriter on an iPad Air allows her to move between keyboarding and voice to text, she listens to audio books at a much higher level than she could possibly read on her own, uses math apps, etc. It is an essential tool for her. If your DS doesn't have one in his program you need someone - also with a lot of letters after their name - writing a letter or report explaining why he needs one and "outlining the needed adjustment".

And a psychologist to weigh in on the anxiety, depression or whatever he is formally developing as a result of his LD's not being properly supported in this school environment. Again lots of letters after their name as they "outline the needed adjustment". Notice a pattern here? This is once again a situation of lather, rinse, repeat. Your GAL's SW has told you what you need to provide. Now it's a matter of locating the appropriate people and getting their written input. Also try to see if there is a neurologist in your area with an LD specialty. It would bolster your medical argument and firmly allow you a seat at the table if you could get an MD weighing in to say that your DS needs better/ more appropriate interventions.

I'm not going to lie to you - this will be exhausting and expensive. But it's also what your DS needs. Your district will likely support your argument because they are paying a hefty amount for a program that is not meeting your DS's needs. It's great you will be attending the IEP meeting and will be able to present this info there. I'm a bit confused about where FAPE/IDEA fit here. They may actually apply since your ex sued and the district is paying for the school. Your whole medical vs educational final say situation really complicates things though. I'm glad you found a hook to fight for these needed services. Hopefully the GAL will get it and make appropriate recommendations and hopefully the district will cause changes to happen. I assume you could get a mediation session scheduled earlier while you wait the 2 years for a court date. Maybe that could get the ex, the school and the district to agree to alter his program. But you need that detailed expert input first. I wonder if he needs a placement similar to my DD at a spec Ed school. The district is already paying for this school - if only they could pay for a more appropriate one instead. It really is madding!

I hope some of this helps. I feel for your DS. I often wonder what would have happened to my DD if I hadn't fought as hard as I did to get her what she needs. I see your DS's situation and know it was worth everything I had to go through. Your ex being in denial about the situation is really making your DS's already difficult situation so much harder. Thank goodness he has you. Keep fighting for him. Keep your eye on the prize. And of course keep breathing!

Sending hugs and support your way!

Emma, I am coming to appreciate why your ex is that. I'm keeping you and your boys in my thoughts. You're an incredible mother, and your determination is the single most important factor in their achieving their potential. Although I haven't been in your shoes, I hope it won't sound patronizing to say that I admire you for your courage.

Emma this in NOT about an epic battle between you and your ex. It's about your DS(s). Calm, cool, rational. Supply data. As I mentioned I am a former GAL although in different circumstances. I can tell you a parent calmly presenting detailed recommendations from qualified experts carried a lot of weight.

You are not trying to prove your ex screwed up - you are trying to determine what your DS needs. You have the basics in the NP report - these other reports can provide more specifics. Unless your ex provides similar documentation showing a different set of recommendations the question will likely become how to best meet the needs your experts have outlined. I am not familiar with a large GAL organization but if they have in house experts that's fine - they can review what you provide and either agree or make other recommendations. It's all data. I think this will go a long way to get GAL "on your side".

If your ex wants the kids at a religious school the burden will be on him to demonstrate that he has a school that can provide the detailed program that the experts have outlined. You will say that FAPE/IDEA will (should) ensure that the school district will provide an appropriate program. Whether he is placed at a public school or at a religious school where they pay the tuition the district should be overseeing his program to ensure his needs are being met. Wherever he is placed your DS needs to have his progress measured and monitored. You will argue that you are not anti religious school your ex is choosing (even if in reality you are...) you just want to make sure that the kids' needs are being met. Cool, calm, rational.

Doing this will hopefully also show the GAL that his/her recommendations should include you being allowed to be involved in discussions about schooling even if your ex has final decision making authority if you disagree. (Of course this means he would be given similar rights with medical discussions...) Ideally he will recommend a change in this decision making structure but right now you just need to focus on how to work within it to get your DS's what they need.

I would thank the ex for the invite and attend the open house. Ask open ended questions and see what they can offer. Do not appear confrontational or obstructionist. Just see what they offer. It could be a compromise, or at least better than what he would have if he stayed at current school.

From your posts I am guessing you are located in a specific huge school district where the 12-1-1 designation in an IEP opens the door to OOD placement.Totally different from what I have worked with so take my input with a grain of salt. Use what may help and ignore what doesn't.

I'm rooting for you! Hang in there.