Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy External vs. Internal Motivation

That is a very accurate description of what is going on in our middle school environment as well. I have also discussed with DD the extracurricular activities issue with college applications but more in the context of searching/finding/focusing on activities that she naturally enjoys with an eye to the long term. Unfortunately, there are certain activities that you have to try by middle school or you will be completely shut out in high school. That is sad about your DS' friend - hopefully from her parents' perspective, it was more a question of her performance and/or her preparation versus her established ability.

Yes - absolutely. I am sometimes surprised at what she tells me about her friends.

No downplaying her accomplishment here. DD is actually a closet competitor - it's funny because she is so "tactful" and "easygoing" that no one would criticize her as competitive but she is. I guess I can't really blame her, it comes from being stuck with a very high ability sibling from K and feeling the need to carve her own niche.

I agree that in the second scenario, the cycle can accelerate and become icky. However, I don't see the selfishness aspect - if she outperformed the next candidate, then that candidate needed to improve; "accolades" should not be charitable distributions.