Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional Suggestions to help DD11 manage time in AM

DD11 walks to school now and for this reason, has responsibility for the time she leaves the house. She has a before-school practice 3 mornings out of 5 (semi-optional, but not really) and can be at school at the "regular" time the other 2 days. She usually wakes herself up--that's not the problem--but is very slow with getting dressed, eating breakfast, packing up her stuff, etc. Often I am yelling at her and reminding her of the time over and over. She is a naturally sloooooow mover in the morning. If she wanted to, she could be ready in 1/2 hour tops (all she has to do is get dressed, eat breakfast, which I usually still make, brush teeth and hair, and put computer, phone, and lunch in her bag), but more commonly it's 45 minutes.

I know this is common, but also DD has some exec function weaknesses and ADHD-ish traits, which is why I put this in this section. I also think she could possibly use some tools/apps designed for that population here. So--any help? She has an Android phone. I thought about setting multiple alarms to keep her on track, but not sure about that. One complication is that she not infrequently gets up early to finish homework or study, so mornings are not a completely set routine.

Middle school starts rather late, so mornings are not early here. She COULD get up a bit earlier, except that some days she stays up late and I prefer to let her sleep in a little. Evenings are the time when we tend to be time-stressed, since she has some after school activities some days and a fair bit of HW.

My middle school kid gets up earlier than he needs too. Takes a five minte shower (but doesn't have to fool with his very short hair). Does everything he need to and then takes a half hour nap on the sofa. If he does have things to do tha didn't get done the night before, he skips the nap. Everyone else is up early so sleeping through that noise is impossible but his dad and brother are gone by the time he takes his nap. I drive him to school but if I were unable to drive for some reason he would skip the nap and walk the half mile to the bus stop. He does his stuff quickly, longing for the precious nap (if he isn't tired, or the couple of days when he first got the new rick riordin book, he will read instead).

That works for us. I say experiment with different ideas until you find what works. My other son is very very very slow in the morning. Routine and allowing for his speed is what works for him. But he is pretty cranky.

Interesting idea. I don't know if she would want to "nap," but maybe some kind of motivator would get her going.

I am thinking about a checklist for DS who can wander around the house with one shoe in his hand for 20 minutes on a good day. I am usually too wiped out from just getting him out the door to put together a checklist...

Something with the basics, laminated or in a page protector, that can be wiped clean? On a clipboard, hanging on a hook?

Will be watching this thread, closely! DS in the morning=bane of my existence.

She has a checklist! We heart checklists. The checklist gets done, which is good. Just veeeeerrrrrry slooooooowwwwwly. With yelling. Lots of yelling.

Are there any friends in the area who also walk at the same time? If she is meeting a peer to walk to school together, it may provide a different kind of motivator for managing her time.

When I was a kid, my mom had time limits on meals (some unnamed child in our family was a very slow eater!). She won't starve if breakfast gets put away after 15 minutes (assuming there is no medical contraindication to this). (Probably want a five minute warning, too.)

What worked for us is this: "Since you're having so much trouble getting ready for school on time, I think we need to give you more time. Your bedtime is now 30 minutes earlier, and we'll wake you 30 minutes earlier. If this still isn't enough time, we'll keep walking it backwards until we get it right."

This never quite made it to implementation.

Make a recording of yourself yelling?

Seriously, this issue makes me insane. Especially now DS is an almost teen and now wants more sleep, on top of the Poky Little Puppy thing.

The only thing that *might* maybe work here is threats about electronics but I can't bring myself to do that. Maybe just a lot of deep breathing for the parents. I know they don't do it on purpose...

One thing I did that made a huge difference for my DS at that age. A LARGE clock in the bathroom where DS could see if from the shower. When I have guests they chuckle at the clock and then nod when they realize why I have it there.

I don't have a lot of other suggestions. Perhaps pushing her out the door even if she isn't quite ready ready would help? Or rearrange what order she does things in the AM. Stop reminding her, let her be late and have her take the consequences at school? At DS's H.S. kids gets Sat Detention after too many tardies.

I'm one of those people who is super anxious about being on time that I'm often too early for things and this seems to have rubbed off on my kids. So I don't have a huge experience with this situation.

No friends to walk with, alas. As to breakfast, haha. We have used a meal timer in the past to get meals done with!! But she is at the very low end of healthy for BMI (doctor muttered a little bit about meal supplement shakes last time but said we weren't there yet), so I hesitate to cut her off. She eats a good amount, actually. Just slllloooow. Lunch at school is a problem because she eats very little (talking, I think).

I would like to get her up earlier, but she is barely getting enough sleep as it is. As opposed to my other child, who is one of those gifted kids who needs less sleep, she needs more than usual. DS is 4 years younger and gets only 1/2 an hour more a night, which he is fine with. She still doesn't do well on less than 9.5--10 is better.

One thing I did think about in researching this online is making her routine more standardized. Sometimes she eats first, sometimes she dresses first. Sometimes she showers, sometimes that's at night. This morning she got up and reviewed for a test first thing. Not much can be done about the occasional need to study or finish something, but maybe if we get the routine in a more discrete order and assign each task an amount of time, it would help.

I know my son manages to get out the door by having a plan by when certain tasks are done by. It's not everything he needs to do but on the tasks like showering where he is abt to lollygag like showering. It's why the clock helps, he knows to be to school on time he can't stay in the shower past a certain time.

Why don't you ask her to estimate how much time each task takes her in the morning (and write it down), then measure the time she actually takes (and the order) for a week or so? She might figure out the issue on her own that way.

My 12yo needs a lot of help with every step of the morning routine. Lots of reminders and patience. We have tried many of the ideas suggested and they rarely work. He would rather read in bed as long as possible, then slowly get dressed, eat...etc.

Yes yes! This is our DD10. Oh - my - gosh she is slooooowww. Drives us all batty. I think perhaps someone on this site told us about the "Home Routine" app. What a great invention! You can create the morning and evening schedule down to the tiniest detail. Whoever uses it taps on the item they finished, and it shows a star. I don't want to be the yell queen in the morning so I can just hand DD the phone, and have her look at it for every single last item she needs to do (put on socks! brush teeth! put clothes in the laundry room!). I don't have to hear "What am I supposed to do?" after I have said what to do 5 times already.
Good luck!!!

What has worked for my children is giving them a motivation for being ready at a certain time. We don't let them have screen time during the week, so it is a HUGE motivator for them. If they are ready by a certain time, they can have 15 minutes of screen time. It has worked wonders in our house.

The two things that work for us are having a motivator and scaffolding beforehand.

Right now, the motivator is DD12s new school, which places a high priority on attendance. She doesn't want to miss her bus, so once we get her up, she tends to move. If she were really slow, at this point we'd let her be late and take the consequences. That's way more effective than yelling (we know first hand).

In terms of scaffolding, we make sure she gets a shower and finishes any work the night before. Even if she's up a little later. That works because she's much better at night than in the morning, where she's too incoherent to study anyway. We push as much of this earlier in the evening as we can as well. This reduces the amount of stuff that needs to happen in the morning and the number of distractions. Plus I still handle lunch and breakfast. We get her up as late as possible so that she can do the basics and get out the door without too much stress, but without dawdling.

This sounds weird, but if she has more time, to read or study or suddenly decide that none of her outfits work or that she wants a different hairstyle or that her room needs cleaning... it's a lost cause, she'll putter endlessly. But by giving her just enough time to eat, dress, clean up, and head out, it keeps her moving.

The hard part for us is the getting out of bed part. Once she's up, it's pretty much autopilot, but until she's out of bed, she's likely to just fall right back asleep. We're still working on that one.

My end goal is to not have to do anything except set the coffee the night before and kiss her goodbye.

Always get up at least 1.5 hours before you have to leave. Although i do understand the last poster's no time to dawdle policy it doesn't work unless i drive everything.

I think different strategy for different kids. You just have to try to see what works more time, less time, more time with coveted screen time if moves fast, check lists with timer, phone apps.

I think the main goal is to stop yelling. I say just tell child you aren't going to yell or nag anymore and present them with the tools they need (clocks, watches, kitchen timers, check lists) and maybe practice on Saturday and Sunday...then explain that the child has the ability and tools needed and step back. Make a ziplock bag kit of travel tooth brush, pony tail holder, etc. items and say if you run out of time grab this and use it at school but you walk out the door at this time no matter what.

This is what we started working on last night.


I looked for this very app, but they don't have it for Android. If anyone can recommend a simialr app for Android, I'm all ears.

I'm thinking about introducing a motivator, too. I really hate saying goodbye to her on a sour note. So I'd love to get this part of the day sorted. It's different than it used to be since no one is driving her to school. I think that's good in a way, but there is more stress in other ways since there's no drop-dead WE ARE LEAVING thing to motivate her (before, DH was under time pressure to get to work as well, so there was zero wiggle room, and she knew it).


I would like to do this but I don't think she's quite there. Her executive functioning weaknesses are coming to the fore this year as middle school starts, though I also understand that many kids struggle with this at first. I didn't check anything or watch anything homework-wise for the first few weeks of school because I hadn't had to do that for a few years in elementary, and it was not a good scene. A big part of me feels frustrated and wants to just say--if you're late, you're late!--but as I watch her, the competencies don't seem to be in place, and she needs a slower ramp-up.

This is so important. "Sink or swim" only works if the swimming skills are fully and reliably in place.

Agreed. People who haven't dealt with a 2e kid or learning disabilities read intention or laziness into lack of executive function skills. In reality, it is not that these kids won't, it is that they can't.

Teaching EF skills is a long-term and frustrating task, but at some point maturity and brain wiring does kick in. We saw a huge improvement with our 9th grader starting around when he started 8th grade.

ITA with DeeDee and BSM, and also wanted to add that even for many neurotypical kids, EF skills are still developing at this age, and direct help and support in learning the skills can be very effective.

polarbear

as a former perpetually late person, my suggestion is to just wake your daughter up at the time she needs to be up (1.5 hrs before leaving if nec) and let her be tired for a few days/week until she adjusts her bed time naturally.

I know it's a little tough love but I think if she is not capable of moving faster then you need to give her the time to do what she has to do. At the end of the day she can't have it all (ie late to bed and late to wake up) if she can't move fast.

She's doing better already with homework organization, so I believe she can improve this. We find that DD can learn to succeed with skills like these, but needs more support, practice, reminders, explicit instruction, and scaffolding than some children. And it's slower. I see her as bottom 15-25% for EF. I do know kids who are much better, but also some who are worse.

Today was better, but she also happened to wake herself up early. That made it easier, but I must add that it wasn't ideal because she was cranky and unpleasant all morning (tired!)