Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional overwhelmed and sad

This is true, but we have been lucky so far. Our lawyer is a non-confrontational problem solver (all good ones are, regardless of specialty), and the district has not had theirs at the meetings. All of the meetings have gone well. It is the day to day management of DS's disability that is the problem now.

Full disclosure: I am an attorney and I put a lot of value in having good legal counsel, so I may be a bit biased here, but it has definitely worked for us.

I talked to the principal the other day and used a happy dappy voice. If I had said the same things in an email, it probably would have come across as adversarial or aggressive. The problem is that when you talk to people on the phone, you have no documentation.

The lawyer is a mom of two disabled kids--I imagine she's had every conceivable situation to navigate, personally and professionally. I have no idea if anyone has ever challenged this program. I don't think too many kids would have managed to do as well as DS in elementary with his diagnoses, and would have already been weeded out.

My father is an attorney but is retired. My mother (also retired, master's level counselor) was actually the ADA compliance person at a local university as part of her student services responsibilities. I guess there is a chance I could get my father to research some of this, but since he is resistant to the dx (and is pi$$ed at the school, anyhow), I'm not sure how useful he would be.

The most annoying part of this whole thing is: I don't care about documentation, arguing, or anything else. I just want to help DS learn the things he needs to learn, but without clear communication--I can't do that effectively.

I am looking at this as a marathon year for both DS and me, in the hope that things will become a little easier down the line.

I do think email is part of the problem, but that is the way I've been commanded to communicate.

I asked the 504 Coordinator to call me earlier in the week, but she did not. She seems to have handed over the 504 reigns to the program coordinator, who is not technically in charge of compliance (and is not an administrator). So, it's just really hard to know what I'm supposed to do.

I hear you but if it comes to the point where they try to kick him out of the program, then you may need documentation about all of these conversations and the 504 not being followed. Honestly, though, I'd back off for a while and let the dust settle because it sounds like some people are getting worked up. In my experience, that almost always makes things worse.

My thoughts, exactly.

I think they want me to go away so I'll concede for now, even though I never really got an answer to the question I asked about the 504. I have more important things to do anyhow, like learn about DS challenges, schedule appointments, manage meds, supervise homework, etc. Plus all the other life stuff.

I wouldn't go away, or give up, just take a break for a few days or a week, and pick and choose your battles. Document everything, though, even if you don't address every issue with them. I think this policy they have about kids needing to have a certain grade in every class to stay in the program is ridiculous, and psychologically harmful, even for neurotypical kids. I can understand if a program is simply not right for a kid, a kid isn't putting in the needed effort, or there is no way to adapt the curriculum for a kid with a disability, but your DS is trying hard and would do fine there if they would just do some very simple things to help.

I would keep a notebook or some sort of electronic document of non-compliance for your own personal use (in case you need it later), for instance "Sept. 18th--teacher didn't sign planner, and therefore a math assignment wasn't recorded and didn't get done." Don't necessarily email about every episode, but if it gets to be a regular occurrence with a certain teacher then email 504 manager (or whoever) and say "planner wasn't signed on 5 different dates, and it resulted in late assignments on 3 of them. Can we ask the teacher if there is a way to make it easier?" If the teacher comes back and says "that's not true", you have the dates and specifics.

The problem with all of this is that people get very defensive and want to pin the blame on someone else (most likely you or your DS). I also think a lot of teachers simply don't understand these sorts of disabilities, like ADHD, and think the kid is getting away with murder and just not trying very hard. They don't understand it's a real neurological difference. The Davidson article on "slow processing speed" is a good reference if people take the time to read it. It explains impaired executive functioning and everything. You could email it to everyone and say that it's going to all teachers so no one in particular feels like they are being lectured. Or maybe you have another article that is short and concise and summarizes the main points. It probably won't hurt and might help.

I think the crux of the matter is they do not think the program is a good fit for DS, but don't understand that he would have the exact same issues in any middle school program, since it is all about his EF and communication skills. I don't think he has any more work to manage than he would in a traditional school setting, but I do think the expectation is these students are more functional than the average MS student, and DS is far less so.

His challenges aren't going to go away and I'm doubtful any of them will improve/resolve without focused and direct intervention.

I think what he really needs is an IEP and some direct, contextualized instruction. I don't know if this is going to happen.

I've tried this approach already. I've said my desire is to keep this as low-demand on teacher as possible. I've offered to give up the accommodation that was, evidently, annoying his teacher. I bought a book for his class because he wasn't coming home with what he needed. I suggested if we could come up with a system for DS to turn in his work, we wouldn't need to scan/email--since the work is always in his backpack.

I don't think they are bad people. I think they are coming from a place of not understanding that DS can do this work and needs the accommodations and would need them regardless of placement. I guess they don't think a child who needs this level of support should be in this program. The funny thing is that it's not a lot of extra work. Also, it's only in one class. The others have been no issue whatsoever.

I'll do this and I do have everything recorded, just not in one place.

I don't think it's a matter of not believing DS has a disability (especially since the program encouraged me to seek neuropsychological testing, even with the ADHD diagnosis). I really think they don't think DS should be in this program with his disabilities, and probably that I am in denial about the whole thing.

Ironically, his lowest grades are in his two MS (gifted classes)--80% and 85%. He has one 89% and the rest are over 95%, in his high school classes. There have been no issues with compliance in those classes and it's been low maintenance. He's been scanning/emailing assignments in those as backups but they haven't been necessary. He's used his extra day only once, that I'm aware of, following an absence.