Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional overwhelmed and sad

DS' med change made him look like he was on quaaludes. He told me it was "mellowing him out...a little too much."

He has an extended time accommodation but it is only one extra day. So far, he hasn't really needed it. He will, without a doubt, as the year progresses. He's about to need it on a (you guessed it) writing assignment, because he's written about 20 pages, and two different pieces, for what needs to only be a short creative writing piece. So this weekend will be a lot of fun (sarcasm).

DS is the NICEST kid, he is so "good." Upstanding morals, very high standards for himself (although not really academic ones, just his ethical code), honest to a fault. He literally wouldn't (want to) hurt a flea: he found one on our cat and accidentally squashed it and was full of guilt and regret, felt a need to confess. No social savvy, though.

Thank you!

I've had no luck whatsoever explaining DS to anyone who doesn't want to understand.

I am considering having someone else do my explaining, because apparently I do not have the magic touch.

That's actually not a bad idea - does the 504 coordinator understand? I'd seriously consider asking the person who oversees the 504 at your school to have a conversation with the teachers who are being inflexible. There really are people who might *never* "get it" - but if the 504 coordinator can explain what they should be doing both from the disability angle *AND* from the legal compliance angle, and that should help.

Re the points taken off for missing art class - is this the same teacher you had issues with last year (sorry, I can't remember if it was the same school or not last year, but I think I remember the art teacher was difficult?). I understand not wanting to file a complaint with OCR at this point. How high up have you taken your complaint within the school or district? If the school's 504 coordinator can't help with it, you could consider writing an email to the district 504 coordinator explaining the situation. We've had a different situation with our ds (not the same issue, but non-compliance that was in fact a violation of the ADA that we could have filed with OCR if we chose too.. but it was fairly quickly resolved by bringing the issue to the 504 supervisor at the district level.

Sending you lots of good wishes -

polarbear

Like everyone else Eco I just wanted you to know that you are heard and understood and I am really sorry it has been so tough. It sounds exhausting.

There is one thing I know from my DD is that science and math tend to have more precise answers without emotional connotations so those subjects are easier for her. She finds English and History much less appealing because the answer can be "wrong" if it requires an evaluative response. Her complaint is that often it has to be what the teacher wants and expects to hear in order to score well and she doesn't know what the teacher wants. More importantly she often has a different response. Rather than be wrong she becomes paralyzed wondering what is right.

Over time DD convinced herself that she just wasn't good at humanities subjects. Turns out that isn't true but she has had to develop, not just the tools and skills to present critical responses, but the confidence in her own ideas. On the bright side she is starting to love English again with the right teacher and the right material.

This may not be relevant to your son but I thought it was worth pointing out that there are lots of reasons why kids mute themselves in certain situations. Fear and confusion mostly. I hope you find a way to have other people see the DS you know and love. He deserves that and so do you.

This all makes sense and is encouraging! Thank you for sharing. It is exhausting.

We are going to work on the evaluative responses. I think DS *can* do them, but they require more from him energy-wise, and he needs help.

It's a different art teacher, and I don't sense anything inappropriate/rigid...just having a conversation. The participation points didn't have a huge impact on DS' grade, so I'm going to let this one go for now.

This thing turned ugly yesterday. Email from (district) 504 coordinator misrepresenting my concerns (on a different matter) and questioning DS' placement in the program.

I was instructed during 504 meeting to immediately bring up any concern regarding 504 compliance, but I guess they didn't really mean for me to do that.

I can't remember if I had asked this before, but do you have a special ed lawyer? We have been bringing ours to all of the meetings and it can be very helpful. If nothing else, the administrators know you're serious and they won't try to pull the wool over your eyes.

I'm considering this as an option at this point. DS' new psychologist stated "I often tell parents you will win over teachers better with cupcakes than lawyer...but sometimes you need both."


I can't even imagine going that route. If there were a better option for DS, placement-wise, we'd take it. But there isn't, at least not yet.

There is a local sped lawyer and I may consult. This whole thing is so upsetting.

Bringing a lawyer can be very adversarial too. If you bring one then many districts will bring their lawyer too. Then it gets expensive on both sides and that money can be better spent (I mean, unless it has truly escalated to that point).

I don't want to do it. I'm thinking more along the lines of consulting with the lawyer and seeing if she has any advice. I keep thinking I must be doing something wrong on my end, or the communication wouldn't be so strange.

I wish there were a better placement for DS, and am kind of building up Plan B in my mind. He *loves* his program, though.

You shouldn't conclude that you are the problem. Maybe a face to face meeting instead of email? We all know how email can be misinterpreted.