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You're quite right--she needs to learn to cope with this teacher. The frustrated thing is, she is excited about the subject! It would stink if she got turned off due to this.

I think I am going to wait just a couple more weeks to see how things continue to go (it's POSSIBLE that some of this is new-school adjustment) and to let the teacher get to know DD. Most teachers like her these days, and that will help.


Ah yes--you are right. But she doesn't know how to do this yet! I think? As I have been thinking about her issues, it's occurring to me that I just don't know what teachers do to support or NOT support kids. Do they say, "It's time to hand in homework now," or not? (Maybe they just need to put it in a basket on the way in?) Do they remind them, "If you have those parent forms for me, pass them in" or not? Do they say, "Did everybody get the handout?" Do they say, "This is due Friday but I forgot to put that on the whiteboard, so add that to your planner"? I just have NO idea!


Ah. You are smart. Due to the way this class is set up, she is sitting in a weird spot where she is isolated. She actually brought this up. It cannot be changed. (sad trombone)

Why can't the seat be changed? Everything can be changed.

We just spent allllllllllll morning with two new docs for DS (psychiatrist and psychologist who will be doing therapy). I don't know if any of this will be helpful or relevant to you and your DD but here's my takeaway:

M.D. is going to begin treating anxiety with medication. His take is that there is a super duper (clinical term--ha) strong neurobiological component of ASD/ADHD-I type symptoms and the correcting the proper neurotransmitter imbalance has been life-changing for many of his patients. He referred to his "hall of fame" ASD patients who, once properly (medically) treated are able to reach their potential, academically and functionally.

Psychologist said that yes, it is right to advocate for DS to have an IEP with EF support and interventions but also said "good luck with that" and he is not aware of anyone in our district who has the requisite skill set. He recommended I start with Smart But Scattered (and I told him it's on my coffee table, but I was distracted from reading it--another ha) and that he will help me and DS work on the EF stuff from home. He said that there are other programs but this one is based in neuroscience and a good enough place to start.

I find the inability to turn in completed work to be the most frustrating situation, ever. Especially when it's not happening in very structured classes...like your DD, DS has over 100% in math, where the teacher follows the same structure every day.

We do have the scan/email accommodation in 504. I don't know, but doubt, that many of his teachers would be willing to do this without the accommodation. Ironically, the teachers who seem to be most willing to be flexible are in the classes where it's least needed.

If you manage to crack the code, please share.

ITA w/ Geofizz RE training to use the planner. Our elementary starts 1st graders on the planner with group copying at the beginning of the day but progresses as the child gets older. By 5th grade, the students know to copy down information conveyed orally during the middle and/or end of each class in a fluid way. Some kids catch on slower and less efficiently but surprisingly except for the ones who are clinical, they do given practice.

Your DD really doesn't appear to have a disability, although she may be on the lower end of normal. DS12 is in that category as well and I did let him suffer the consequences quite a few times starting late 4th grade. Prior to that, he had his twin as a crutch but there came a point when I felt the scale tipped where he would benefit more from failing than enabling. Of course, this only works if your DD cares about her grades and reputation and buys in to the concept of personal responsibility. DS still has occasional lapses, but so do most other 7th graders. The good news is that your DD will learn and will be ready in future years when more and more teachers will operate this way to some degree. Except for the chaotic description, everything else you mentioned are typical in high school classrooms and many middle school classrooms as well.

Your DD has to develop a new routine, particularly for this class, and she probably will just from being in the class week after week. With my oldest, who had an IEP with multiiple diagnoses, routine and clear labels help. For example, the left side folder pocket has a huge label in red that indicates "HW/CW: Must Turn In" while the front of the folder/binder lists steps for the beginnning and end of class, such as EMPTY Turn In pocket & check planner. Regarding the "turn in as you leave" assignment, it may help if your DD completes it ASAP and then place it on the same corner of her desk where nothing else goes. Again, automaticity requires time and practice to develop but if she establishes and sticks to the same routine, it will develop faster. Regarding parent info sheets and forms that get forgotten, my kids (and all their classmates) are provided a special folder, which is placed next to their planner (at the top of the required huge binder) where all such papers go. Again, it may take 6th graders a few weeks to get the hang of the system but it does help both students and parents to have one place to look. Of course, the students have to comply and put all such papers in that special folder, but it looks like something that your DD can get use to doing.

Good luck, it's not easy but achievable with time and practice. I also would not ever expect perfect results even if it does come naturally to some kids - DS still messes up now and again but it's recoverable when it's the exception rather than the norm. While he is still really spacey in general, he has an incentive (A's) to succeed in school and developed a system that works for him there.

Oh, I forgot - another couple of pointers from my kids' experiences: If she is at all capable of it, let her be in charge of emailing her teachers for help. I think teachers respond to students much quicker than to parents. DS probably had to email his Geometry teacher a couple of times a month just to get homework that he forgot to copy down in his planner. Unless you have an IEP or 504 kid and perhaps even then, many teachers by middle school don't look favorably on the parents and by extension the kids who won't communicate with them directly. Another huge help is to make friends with organized kids - DS got some hand-outs scanned/emailed to him from classmates, which is sometimes quicker than getting from the teachers.

This is a really good idea--I'm encouraging my DS to do this (get more friends' numbers so he can text or call). DD11 does it naturally. I was gobsmacked the first time I heard her on the phone with her BFF, going through a homework assignment they were both having trouble completing. Who knew kids do things like that?

The only thing is--it doesn't help with the #$%*& "doesn't turn in completed work" problem.

Last year, for awhile, I walked in with DS every. single. day. and put his homework assignments in teachers' mailboxes. That was before we had the "scan and email" accommodation added--and even a few times after, when there was so much that it was quicker to park and walk in with him.

So, she can't be moved (I don't think) because this is a class with assigned seats that are assigned in a set way based on a system (sorry to not be more specific, but I get paranoid about being IDed on this board!)

As I consider it, this class also does not have a desk, and has a lot of equipment she has to deal with. So, the class is really outside the norm in a lot of ways. No wonder she's discombobulated.


These are good ideas. This is what she needs--systems that remind her. She WILL do it if she gets the cues--she wants to do it--but a certain percentage of her brain is drifting in space/occupied with other concerns and issues at any one time, I'm pretty sure.

We are still establishing friends that she can contact in each class. This is a much bigger school and many of her friends are not in class with her, to her dismay. I don't think they are encouraged to email teachers. They use Edmodo, but if it is like elementary, teachers rarely respond there.

And I will say, I would like to let her suffer consequences to some degree. (There is another class where this is an issue for totally different reasons...) But what I hate about my district is that everything is an application-based magnet. DD's grades have mattered since 4th grade, and they matter now. Sucks to be her. And me.

Thanks, everyone--this is helping.

What I found is that disorganized teachers makes it harder for a student to be organized. My DS16 has always done well with classes where the homework expectations are clear and consistent. Often math class isn't a problem, there is always homework and it's either written on the board in the same place every day or last years teacher handed out a sheet with the homework for the next quarter and she stuck with it.

But for example DS had a huge problem with last years Chemistry teacher. She was known for being disorganized, lost kids work, took forever to turn things back. At back to school night she mentioned that there wasn't always homework and she would announce it in class. I get the impression she would just announce in the middle of class "Finish this for homework and turn it in Tuesday". We had to have DS do a homework log where the teacher signed a sheet once a week and she wrote down what homework was due and what was missing. This helped a lot because it made HER accountable as well as my son.

My best guess is my son has a hard time when homework is given orally in the "this is due Friday but I forgot to put in on the whiteboard" method.

Will you tell us what medication that is - Ritalin, SSRIs, or what? I'm still on the no meds! Bandwagon, but who knows...wth middle school looming for next year...I might eat my words.
I will have to search for my Smart but Scattered copy again. Sigh. I hate the way these behavioral approaches colour the whole relationship with my kids - even if the do work, mostly. And hate the way my kids immediately start turning the tables on us.

Edited to say I found the thread where you explain about his SSRIs treatment.

Does she have a binder for every class? I've seen some kids have one big binder for all HW, forms, looseleaf paper, etc plus notebooks for each class. Maybe that way she could just put forms in there and you could check it together, instead of having to check for each class. Also with the binders -- if checklists work well for her, you could just print a list to go in the clear thing on the front: eg, Did you turn in everything you came with? Is there anything on your desk you haven't turned in or put away? etc. Most teachers are okay with it if kids ask at the end of class to clarify -- maybe talk to the teacher so s/he understands why your kid always does -- but it couldn't hurt to say "Wait, so we just need to do this worksheet for Friday?"