Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional Got what I think I wanted?

Ok, update to the prior issue. After reading all of the helpful comments and talking to some helpful friends I had finally decided to give up on the public school and homeschool again this year. Then about 2 days later I heard back from the head of special ed in our district and she offered to meet with me and revisit the NOREP.

I took her up on this. I also took along my son. Partly because I wanted her to meet him and partly because I don't have any available child care. Either way she loved him. She said he was amazing and delightful and she could not even begin to see how the present levels in the IEP described the child she was seeing. She immediately wrote up a new NOREP that states his homeroom will be the typical classroom with the learning support room available for backup as needed. He will still get a 1:1 to help him adjust in the first weeks. Basically I got exactly what I wanted.

After feeling excited I started to feel nervous. Sure, my son is great one on one and with adults, but how will school go in a room full of children? What about his vastly different academic levels? What if he can't keep it together at all? So I decided that if things aren't going great and he can't cut it in reg ed I'll just go back to my original plan and homeschool the rest of the year. Surely by the time he is 6 he will be ready for formal schooling? The maturity will have to come in at some point, right?

I bought school supplies and got books about going to school. We practice school skills at home and talk about things like what it means if the teacher turns off the lights and when to raise your hand. I'm going all out on this school thing, trying to build up excitement and make him want to succeed.

Yesterday we had K orientation and met the teacher and saw the classroom. I wanted to cry. I have mentioned before that our district is poor and has low ratings (2/10). Well, the classroom was so sparse I was appalled. The reading section had about 30 or so books and most of them looked to have been published in the 70's. They were filthy and sticky and torn and tended to be about Sesame Street characters. The first thing I asked the teacher when I got a chance was whether I was allowed to donate books. She was thrilled to hear that I was willing to donate. I had assumed that maybe it was against the rules based on the meager offerings available.

I could not make out any centers at all. There were 2 peg puzzles and a 12 piece puzzle. I couldn't locate any math manipulatives whatsoever. The only game in the place was Candyland Bingo (I think that's what it was called). It was all very old and beat up looking. Parents had to bring all of the art supplies for the school year as I guess somehow tax money doesn't cover crayons or glue sticks? I am also going to be donating some educational items, toys, and games.

Then the teacher had her chance to talk to all of us. She said "I see some of you looking at the words up on the board. Yes, our Kindergarteners are now expected to learn sight words. The goal is 25 this year, but we hope to get even further. Some kids will even get up to 100 this year! You can't believe it now, but you will be amazed at what your kids can do. Just a few years ago when I was first told I had to teach 25 words to the kids I told them it was impossible, that kindergarteners couldn't learn sight words, but a few years later my kids were averaging 12!"

Bad feeling. Then she went on to talk about how she uses tons of flashcards. She bragged that her kids will see flashcards of their sight words so often they will be spelling the words rather than saying them in everyday speech. I hate flash cards. Really bad feeling.

After all of her talking (most of which I missed because DS spent the whole time talking about the picture he was drawing), DS decided to draw a maze for me while most families were leaving. He wanted to keep the maze and the picture he made of himself with his name on it and it was supposed to stay behind. I told him that he had to ask the teacher, not me. Well, instead of asking when he got to her he started counting something. She was impressed he could count to 20. He said, I can count way past that, I can count to 1000, but Mommy won't let me count any higher because she gets tired of listening to it. She says Oh you like math. Well, he then tosses out a bunch of interesting facts about the multiples of 6 and counts by a few different numbers. He asked about the words on the board and she asked if he could count them. He said there are a hundred, I don't need to count. There are 10 lists and each list has 10 words. She gets a funny look on her face and jokes that she will need to bring in a 2nd grade math book for him. I didn't even know how to say that 2nd grade would not really be adequate. Or that he could read all 100 of those sight words when he was 3.

Crushing bad terrible feeling. And to also find out there he will be there for 6 hours a day with one 20 minute recess, one 20 minute lunch, and a daily 20 minute special made me decide that I probably don't even want him to go to school there. I agreed to give it a try and I guess I will do that, but it's clear to me that K is really not the right place for my son, especially in this district. I still plan on donating to the classroom though, it's sad that there is nothing to do but flash cards and read toddler Sesame Street lift the flap books

Oh, and the best part for me was the boy who sat and made a humming sound the whole time while tapping the end of a piece of paper. I heard the mother tell the teacher he has speech and social delays and that he will be getting speech services. I'm assuming he isn't diagnosed with autism because they did not use the word, but he was clearly moderately autistic. They said that he only speaks in movie quotes. And yet that child is up for inclusion without a fight and I had to fight to get my kid in the typical classroom because he was once diagnosed with autism years ago.

My son has to go into all of this and handle it with a positive attitude and great behavior. Feeling very discouraged.

Maybe I'm not understanding correctly. It sounded to me like this teacher is doing everything she can with very little in the way of resources, and that she's very open-minded. She spent a brief amount of time with your son and brought up second-grade math? It took two years for someone at my eldest's high-performing school to provide any kind of acceleration at all, and that was only in language arts. It was another two years before they realized he was "a good student" and would benefit from acceleration in other areas.

Perhaps you should try to see this class from the perspective of the teacher and a typical five-year-old. Most five-year-olds will be doing well to have 100 sight words. Will she also start teaching phonics? Remember also that another important part of kindergarten is to learn how to function in a classroom.

As for the child with the disability, you have no idea how severe his problem is. He may have a genetic disorder/syndrome that affects many systems, including cognitive abilities. I don't think it's fair to complain that he's getting services too easily.

I'm sure this isn't what you want to be reading right now, but I do think it's important to keep things in perspective. Yes, it stinks that schools don't do better by gifted kids, and yes, it stinks that you had a difficult time getting accommodations for your son. But I honestly feel that the tone of your message is too critical of that classroom, especially when you can walk away and most of the other parents can't.

I'd be pretty encouraged that this is a teacher who truly sees your child for who and what he actually is.

I'll also echo Val's point about not really being privvy to the behind-the-scenes information about anyone else's child-- which is as it should be. For all that you know this mom has been working TIRELESSLY since her child was 2 or 3 in order to: a) get him to the place that he is right now, and/or b) achieve the milestone of a mainstream classroom.

Also-- I realize that most parents have no way to know this-- but teachers who are just starting out in their own classrooms often pay for all of that "neat stuff" out of their own (somewhat meager) earnings. Unless they have a fortunate encounter with a retiring hoarder (as my mom acted as a fairy godmother to about four teachers when she retired), then they may have very little in the way of classroom enrichment.

Your teacher sounds like an enthusiastic keeper, honestly. I'd keep an open mind, offer assistance as you can, and let her try.

ITA with both Val and Howler. When everything else is taken into account, what really makes the difference for kids who aren't typical in any "typical" classroom is the teacher - and a teacher who cares enough to spend some time getting to know your ds, who recognizes that he needs more of a challenge - is golden. Truly. It might not work out, but it definitely sounds like it's worth a try.

I'd also take a step back think about the audience the teacher is talking to - there really are kids out there who have a tough time learning 25 sight words by the end of K. Not because they aren't smart kids, but because there's a wide range of developmental age for learning to read. Learning sight words in kindergarten is pretty typical for kindergarten, but that doesn't mean there aren't going to be students in the class who aren't already reading.

It's also *really* typical (where I live) for families to have to supply glue sticks and crayons/etc. I have relatives who are elementary school teachers, and they have to collect their own books for their classrooms. If you have books to donate, donate them - they will be so appreciated!

Anyway, I'd give it a try.

Best wishes,

polarbear

Echoing others above. The majority of free reading, cheerful decor, and creative materials in primary classrooms comes out of pocket from teachers (to the tune of many 100s of dollars per year, most years), or by gift from parents, communities, or retiring teachers. (This is so widespread that the USA federal tax code allows for a specific tax deduction for teachers buying classroom supplies; most teachers I know exceed that amount every year.)

I would take this teacher at her word, and try to work with her.

I think you have a reason to be concerned and understand where you are coming from in your post. If it's really a "poor" school, with many low-level kids, that will make it even more difficult for your child to fit into the classroom, if he is X years ahead as it is. I doubt there will be any other readers. The teacher may or may not be able to accommodate his needs, but even if she can, he will probably spend a lot of time looking at flashcards or phonic words like dog and cat. We are in an area that is average to above average in terms of socioeconomic status, and when DD started K she was the only kid reading. When DS started, there was one other kid, in a class of 23, who was at around the same level. The teacher had tons of books, puzzles, games, walls decorated, and even with all the resources, it didn't work out for DD (we ended up doing a grade acceleration). Were you talking about moving to a different district (sorry-can't remember)...If so, I would keep trying. In the meantime it might be worth it to try this classroom and see what benefit he gets out of it, if any, but I wouldn't get your expectations too high in terms of actual academic learning.

I just cleaned out a bunch of books from my house, and posted on Craigslist. About 5 teachers showed up, claiming they were new or switching grades and didn't have any books. So they really are paying out of pocket for a lot of stuff. Of course with the $75k salary many of the teachers receive here to work 9 months, I don't exactly feel too bad for them, but I gave everyone a deal, and then I donated about 100 leftover books to the new charter school opening up. I wanted to donate to them because I believe in their philosophy--give every kid the correct level work.

Try not to worry too much--you have options. A benefit to your son's profile is that you can explain that the academic pieces come easily (a plus to a teacher who has students at so many ability levels), but the social learning has to be taught more directly.

There's not K class in existence that could meet his academic needs, but a caring teacher can help him feel safe and secure at school.

And you're not stuck! I bet you're carrying a lot of anxiety with you into any classroom situation and are looking for potential disaster, and just...overwhelmed with worry. Keep telling yourself--this is not the first or last decision you'll be making about DS and you have the freedom to change your mind.

Thanks everyone. I am definitely going to try this thing, but I don't see how it's going to work. I guess I was expecting there to be a parent there who said their kid already knew some sight words or was able to do some reading. It's possible that there is such a kid but the mom wasn't comfortable bragging about it. I certainly never say anything. In my experience with community activities most parents are quick to brag if they have anything to brag about... sometimes even if they don't. I actually feel bad when DS reads in front of other parents because I know that it makes them feel uncomfortable. Most of the parents did look at the sight word list with a very amazed expression. I was happy to note that some of the kids were able to write their names and a few of them drew better than my DS.

I do like the teacher. Even my son says she is nice and that he likes her. She said this is her 11th year teaching K and she seems to be the perfect balance between too fresh and too experienced. I'm not sure she actually intends to bring 2nd grade work for DS, I think she was just joking as the situation was a little tense with all of the moms there listening to DS rattle off math like it was nothing. Basically I got the feeling she was assuring them that he was unusual so that they didn't leave feeling that their kids were behind.

The other boy there was clearly none of my business. I'm just saying that anyone could see that my son should be given a chance in a regular classroom and I shouldn't have had to fight for it, especially when a child who appears to be much more likely to struggle is already in the class. I doubt if mom has done much advocacy though, she barely spoke English and brought someone along to help her communicate with the teacher. Unfortunately I get the feeling she is in for a rough year.

We are still trying to move. Our house is stubbornly sitting here attracting no interest. We are going to be dropping even further below our purchase price in an effort to sell faster. Still haven't picked a district to move to. If DS can do well enough behaviorally I want to move nearer to the private gifted school in the area in hopes that he will be ready to go there in a year or two... or three. Otherwise maybe a high achieving district or someplace with a nice Montessori school that goes past grade K.

I just so want my son to go off to school happily and come home happy and able to tell me the good things about his time there each day. I don't want behavior reports and complaints about being bored or that everyone is mean at school. I also think my son has a right to learn more than just social skills at school. If a child had intellectual deficits they would not just toss them in reg ed and be happy if that kid learned nothing all year except social skills. If schools weren't so crazy about teaching to the tests these days DS might be able to learn history and science and get exposed to some great literature, something valuable for all children. Five hours a day of the "3 R's" sounds pretty awful to me regardless of a child's level.

Hopefully DS will surprise us all and have a great time counting and sounding out CAT or the teacher will come up with something that he enjoys doing. For right now though, I'm kinda totally freaking out. It's great to know that I can always pull him out, but more than anything I want him to go off each day to school with the rest of the kids and do well there. I want him to be happy and make friends. After all the years of therapy and hard work I want to get to "normal," that crazy mythical place where your kid just makes it in the world without any special effort on your part. Where you can send your kid to camp or school or sports or whatever and just drive away. And where after you drive away you don't have to give it another thought.

I feel you may have to reevaluate your expectations … and stop panicking, it will rub off on your DS!

Is this a full-day Kindergarten? If so, is there a possibility that you could homeschool for a partial day, and send him there during the "social" activities? Our kindergarten did the reading/math in the morning and then specialists, science, etc. were in the afternoon. Most parents who opted to send their kid half day rather than full day, sent them for the reading, math, etc. but maybe you could do that the other way around.

That being said, even the science, social studies curriculum will probably be too easy. They will probably learn about the life cycle of a caterpillar. And what a community is. Even fourth graders don't seem to have much of a "history" curriculum. But at least it's not as painful as sounding out "cat" everyday.