Thanks all for the great thoughts. I'll be consolidating and passing them on. One thing that is crystallizing for me is the free time/free play need. FREE CHOICE! I really like the idea of an end of day free period where kids can go play if they want, go to the library, go do projects, go make informal clubs, whatever. I think also, I'd like to ask if during that time, teachers, psychologist and other on-site specialists, even the principal have open doors. So kids could come in and talk to or even just be with a trusted adult.
Please keep up the exploration if you would. It is hard - and frankly, you guys have great minds. Even if we sometimes argue a bit - the end result demonstrates wisdom. Probably hard-earned wisdom, which is usually the most useful kind in my experience.
Re questions about the source of pain for these children: The people in communities in this area are agonizing about this question exactly. Nobody thinks there is an easy answer or an easy fix.
The kids are under extraordinary pressure, some internal, some external, and varying for each child/family. Many kids have little to no free time, college admissions are crazy and the panic over them begins as early as preschool. Some parents express extremely high expectations and heavy demands, with perhaps some higher/heavier than is healthy. And of course some kids - just like all other people - suffer from clinical depression or other mental health challenges.
At least some of these children have been extremely high achievers with a wide world of opportunity before them. I don't know if any were gifted as well, but this board has surely taught me that there is a difference.
Ametrine - Your question is the one that people always start this discussion with, and it's a valid one. But it's essentially finger-pointing at its heart (put pejoratively) or desperately grasping for answers that help us believe "we" are not to blame (put more kindly). Is it the school's fault? The parents? The college admissions committees? We have to move beyond all that to get to any useful solutions.
Whatever is written in a note, it reflects a trigger, at best. Or maybe a loving gesture to make somebody not feel so badly. At base, though, a suicide presents a mental health challenge that needed support, but didn't receive it. So I think the point that the kids aren't doing this BECAUSE of the pressure is somewhat tangential. The question is, what can we do to identify the children with this added (mental health) struggle, and give them the support they need?
The grief in our area is palpable. The teachers are struggling with how to help. Even the elementary school kids are reaching out to them, asking "what is suicide" and "why."
