Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy is a "gut feeling" good enough?

Do you trust your gut as a parent or do you go with what "the specialists" say? Thoughts? Experiences?

Depends on who you mean by "the specialists."

DW and I have certainly consumed a TON of expert, scientifically-guided literature on the nature of children like our DD. It's been very helpful for understanding, and also for getting in front of particular issues, by being able to recognize them early. So in that sense, yes, we trust the specialists.

We're also open to listening to qualified individuals who have met and evaluated our DD, with the caveat that they're only seeing a small glimpse of her, so we're interested in anything they say which rings true with our experience with her, and challenge anything they say which we find contradictory.

When "the specialists," are the staff of DD's school, that's where our credentials trump theirs. Their bachelor's and master's degrees in education fields are outranked by our doctorates in DD-ology.

ETA: To answer the question of the thread title, though, we never consider "gut feeling" alone to be enough. It's usually a good indicator that we've noticed something wrong subconsciously, and we need to start exploring it. Eventually, we need to be able to translate that feeling into genuine concerns.

"doctorates in DD-ology." This makes me happy.

That is not an "either or" question.

We weigh all information, whether we like it or not. We consider the source (and how well-informed they are in general, and how much they know our child in particular). We consider the evidence presented, and how much we believe that evidence to be well-founded.

In the end, we take all this information and use it to inform our gut.

I agree completely with Dude.

Gut feelings are interesting. As Dude said they are a sign that you have noticed something of concern and you need to be able to clarify what that is. Once you know what has triggered the concern you can research what it means for you and your situation.

There is so much that is individual to each gifted child, which is why the parents end up the experts after collating relevant general advice and information and teasing out what fits their particular DC.

Do not doubt your knowledge and expertise where your child is concerned but do recognise when others have expertise that you can use.

ITA with DeeDee. I'll also add that the question you're asking is very situational - i.e., what is it you're weighing, and what step are you at? Do you have professional opinions that don't jive, or are you swimming out in the deep end and trying to get back to the shore with only your parental gut instinct.

I do very much trust my gut, but I've also been in a place where my gut was *VERY* wrong. When my 2e ds was in early elementary he was having a ton of challenges which I had a strong gut feeling about, his teacher also had a strong gut feeling about, and our feelings were in total polar opposite directions. I acted on my gut feeling (based on a bit of reading and research) *without* having a professional veal, and that led to a lot of lost time and regret on my part. The things I could make sound judgments on were correct, but there was a world of information out there that I knew nothing about, and if I'd stuck with just following my gut I wouldn't have had a clue what was really going on with my ds.

I hope that makes sense cola - my gut feeling (if you want to trust *my* gut lol!) from the posts you've made recently is that you need more info and a *broad* look at your ds' functioning to understand what's up. That first broad look via a neuropsych eval was the single best thing we've done in terms of understanding what was going on with our 2e ds.

Best wishes,

polarbear

My gut feeling is that it isn't ADHD, or at least it isn't only ADHD, but something deeper. Sometimes I get the feeling he's "acting dumb" and wants to so badly fit in with kids he acts up on purpose so they think he's funny...if that makes sense. I'm 32...he's my oldest and sometimes I feel as though his teachers feel like they have to coach me on how to parent. My mom thinks he's the doppleganger of my brother who began medication for him at age 8 and swears it worked to make him a better student. I think in a way she's afraid of thinking she medicated him when he didn't really need it so if my son is medicated for the same thing it in a way rationalizes her choice. Maybe I'm just rambling and stretching for something else but I just feel in my gut that ds is smarter and not just book smart but the kind where he could actually do something big if given the chance and nobody wants to give him that chance. I probably make no sense lol its just something continuously nagging at me in the pit of my stomach and no matter how rational "their" explanation I just don't get it.

What is ASD if you don't mind me asking? We just had a long talk with ds. He thinks he's the slowest and stupidest in his class so we tried to explain he is the youngest in the class and should be in third grade but is in fourth. I guess the girls say he's annoying and the boys laugh at his goofiness so he's doing it in purpose to gain friends.

ASD is shorthand for Autism Spectrum Disorder

Thank you kindly for the explanation!

Cola-- I'm a bit of both. I have 2e family members, so sometimes, I would overthink normal, intense young child behavior.
On the other hand, I have 2e family members, so I saw and intuited similarities early on.

It does depend. When ds7 was an infant the doctors told us he would never walk or talk and I KNEW they were wrong.
They were wrong.

Cola, one thing I have personally found really helpful (because of the way I think), is writing it all out. I have done this for both DCs, producing a pre-assessment note for the psych (which both times turned into more of a thesis, LOL), basically outlining "why are we here?". I usually gave myself a couple of weeks, and nibbled away at as thoughts occurred to me. Having DH produce some independent notes to include was very helpful as well. I also was doing constant research on many gifted and LD sites and issues, which triggered constant additions to my notes, usually of observations I wouldn't have thought significant until seeing them in these new contexts.

Both times, by the time I was ready to send the notes to the psych, I had a really different understanding of what, well, I understood, if you know what I mean. Patterns I hadn't recognized, clues leading in a consistent direction when you line them all up - it was a hugely educational experience for me. I had started out bewildered and stressed by my inability to figure out what my child needed. By the time I was ready to provide the notes to the psych, I had opened up my own eyes so much, that what she ultimately told us came as no surprise.

For example, based on my preliminary research, I had concluded that whatever DD was, it clearly *wasn't* dyslexia and it *wasn't* ADHD. After a lot of cycles of digging, writing, thinking and digging some more - especially around this forum - I realized that when mixed with giftedness, these descriptions might, after all make a lot of sense - and she was ultimately diagnosed with both. Labels can seem scary, but I think the diagnoses are both accurate and a huge help. As a wise person recently reminded me, "I need to know what the problem is if I'm going to be able to fix it". Understanding the underlying reasons why your son is having trouble - not just the surface triggers like "show your work" - is essential to making the changes he needs to be happy.

Through the forum, you have already put together a wide range of info and insight about your DS, on many issues. Perhaps it might be helpful to collate it all in one place, try to find some common threads - things that he loves, situations that cause problems, fixes that work, things you've tried, when and how, and what the results were, early observations and what's changed, or not, over time - use whatever clusters make sense, and if need be, keep reorganizing until things kind of go together in a useful way. You've mentioned a lot of school changes; perhaps try to capture the before, during and after of these situations. Everything about these kids affects everything else. It's not sensory issues or the teacher or the curriculum or dysgraphia or ADD or, or, or - it's whatever complex (witches brew!) of ALL these things the kid is experiencing at this time, and over their lives so far. So try to put all those many complicated trees together in one place, to help find the forest and the patterns in that bigger picture.

My way is writing, yours might be lists or diagrams or mind maps or whatever - use an approach works for you, and helps you make a bit more sense of the vast array of ideas and concerns that currently feel so overwhelming. Looking back, I guess this is how I pull together my research work to produce my own thesis in DD-ology! And try and share some of that expertise with the specialists, who can be a huge help - but are only as good as the information you help provide them. Big hugs, Cola, and hang in there - you can do this, but you need help. Reach out, and give them everything you can to help them be able to help you and your son.

Thank you guys so much! I really appreciate all the insight it is very helpful!

No. But I have never regretted listening to my gut whereas I have regretted ignoring it.

I truly believe he is bored. The gifted 4th grade class is only doing 5th grade work. They are still doing multiplication but now using factor trees. It has now been four months of double digit multiplication and division. His teachers rarely respond to our emails and I still haven't heard back from the gifted director although she entailed me two weeks ago and said she would call to schedulean appt. She too is not responding to our emails. Thankfully ds has science which is more hands oon but he got in trouble for chewing on his shirt while doing a test. Some kids twirl their hair, some bite their nails...for some reason my son chews on the collar of his shirt. At this point its hard for me not to take things personally :-(