Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Introverts-- again

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/11/07/physical-behavior-of-introverts_n_6069438.html


Includes a synopsis of Susan Cain's work and that of some others (Brian Little and Melissa Dahl, for example) who have examined the differences between introversion and extraversion as personality constructs.

Interesting to me since such a high percentage of HG+ persons are introverted by nature, and also because some of those introversion quirks are very wrongly misinterpreted as social anxiety or other pathology when they are most definitely not.

The aisle/exit thing was fascinatingly accurate. The other one that I found amusing was the call screening-- I also have a peculiar quirk in that everyone who actually knows me understands that if I don't answer my phone, they MUST either e-mail or text me, not leave a voicemail. I don't use my VM at all. Never have. I ignore it. I do look at our answering machine on the land line, but not my VM. The people that I want to hear from understand this, though-- so it serves a call-screening purpose as well.


The easy distraction thing is so accurate. Unbelievably so. You put DD or myself either one in a setting where we are overwhelmed by HUMAN-sourced sensory inputs, and we look profoundly ADD. No joke.

Working alone-- even in a noisy environment-- and we look remarkably focused and well-regulated, however. It's a really strange thing. It's not classic hyperfocus, though we both USE hyperfocus deliberately when we're in one of those high-intensity settings, because it's the only way that we can get anything at all done. Enter a flow state and become one with the task and the rest of the world melts away, though.

The reflective versus absorptive "mood" aspect is also really ringing true for my family, at any rate. DH is very sensitive to people stuff that way-- if he's in a negative people-space for very long, he suffers terribly in his own affective responses. DD and I are more or less immune to that kind of mood contagion, though we find the emotional static of others to be something that we're extremely aware of all the time anyway-- sometimes it is bothersome, and sometimes we can ignore it. But just being in a room with grumpy people never makes ME grumpy, if that makes sense.

Meh. I'm a classic extravert, and yet I found myself nodding to some of them:

1) Withdraw from crowds
2) Bored by small-talk
3) Locate near exits
4) Can't stand the phone

My reasons have nothing to do with factors on the extra/introversion continuum, though. One and three are related to the fact that, while I derive great energy from interpersonal interactions, I'm not particularly trusting. Two is related to intellectual demand... move the small-talk to something interesting and/or amusing to me, and I'm all in. Four is because it hurts my ear, but if I can set it down and put you on speaker, I'm good.

Although I am not at the PG level, I am definitely introverted. But some of the characteristics described, I have usually attributed to my disability like discomfort in large crowds (I despised going into NYC for this reason), avoiding small talk, and dislike of the phone.

I work in the STEM field, and most people here skip the voicemail and turn to emails or chats - not just when they want me, but when they are looking for my team. Phone is usually used as a desperate attempt to reach the person they want at the office.

It is one of the reasons I love running and rowing - even the team boats are still to some extent, solitary (there is no talking in the boat most of the time other than by the coxswain if you are in a coxed boat). I had enjoyed team sports like volleyball, soccer - but never felt the desire to be with the team all the time outside of practice/competition.

I prefer window over aisle myself - but it is to eliminate having to deal with getting up because someone else wants to get out, and to avoid being brushed by someone walking on the aisle. But in other situations, I do tend to prefer to be close to exit route and be on the side, not in the spotlight.

My father is a classic introvert - he much rather be reading one of his favorite Shakespeare books than have to be at a dinner with even just a few people. It is to the point that when he starts dropping hints of "do you need to go shopping/do errands?", we know everyone else in the house needs to scoot - not to another room, but out of the house - for a few hours. Otherwise, he gets very irritable. One of our favorite activities to do together when I was really little was a trip to the bookstore.

As is the case any any such "lists" I see myself in a number of these items but not in others. I for instance defiantly see myself as an introvert but I don't really do a good job of "thinking before I speak" in fact I'm that person who often uses chit-chat because it takes me too long to think of something intelligent to say. Or I don't necessary withdraw in crowds, BUT I intensely dislike crowds over a certain size or and after being in a crowded situation I need downtime. They drain me and I need time alone afterwards. In general I just avoid such places. For example the tightly packed farmers market where people are almost elbow to elbow doesn't bother me, but a huge trade shows in a large convention centers would drive me nuts. And my husband and son are even more introverted than I, so I look extroverted next to them.

Classic introvert, have to have the aisle seat in theatres, but not on planes (getting jostled is negative drain.) Time to first words in a group is proportional to the square of the size of the crowd with each member of the crowd having a value of .1 (well known) to 1 (unknown.)

There is a gifted/perfectionism factor mixed into this, where one would like to know all of the mores in operation, appropriate role, and such. Also good to know what roles each member of a functional group fulfills to identify which role would be best to function as.

There is also the factor of giving total attention to the person/persons/group.

I am irresistibly drawn to reading this kind of article, even though I know they're usually scientifically squishy.

Most people think I am an extrovert...except for those people who know I am not. You don't need a stage to perform.

I love to read this kind of article, but am up against the clock right now...Cordon Bleu is calling.

When I was in college, I wrote an essay about myself as a self-described introvert. The teacher actually argued with me that I was, in fact, NOT an introvert. Then she proceeded to ask to keep a copy to share with future classes.

Apparently, I fool a lot of people. Is there such thing as an extravert-on-demand? I can do that.

Interesting that both my parents are introverts, but you'd never know it unless you KNEW them. My dad is a good example. His co-workers described (he's retired) him as VERY personable and outgoing. When my mom read this, she told me she wondered if they had the right guy.

So, it appears blending in socially works on demand for some who wish to utilize that.

Yes-- I have fooled even people who think that they know me pretty well. But I'm not an extravert. I definitely expend energy in interacting with others, and recharge on my own. Competing inputs from people just... sap me.

I can be very charismatic, and "on" in terms of social skills-- I'm an excellent public speaker, but it's definitely method acting at its finest. LOL.

Meanwhile, I have a DW who has convinced herself she's an introvert. In my observations, she takes not-trusting to an extreme, and avoids anything that resembles confrontation, but that equals shy, not necessarily introverted.

Put her in a room full of people she knows and trusts, and... wow. Life of the party. She takes on a whole new persona, and the livelier the conversation, the more energized she becomes.

I found Cain's book to be pretty well researched and very interesting. A key point is that there are a variety of extro/intro traits or tendencies, rather than a one or the other way of being overall (at least for most people). It helped explain why I thrive in groups of people I enjoy being with but hate big social gatherings with people I don't know. Also why I'm perfectly content to stay home after a day at work. On the other hand, DH really needs a lot of quiet time, but loves small talk and meeting new people.