Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Parenting 3 gifted kids

I hope it's ok for me to just jump right in. I posted a few days ago about some informal testing we had done for DS6 and everyone was so nice and helpful, I thought I'd hang around

I'm Kimberly, I have 3 kids, DS6, DS4, and DD 22mo. They are all so different from each other and yet so demanding and needy in their own ways. We are homeschooling for now (pulled DS6 from Kindergarten about 3 months before the end of school because it was a disaster), but I feel so ineffective and 10 steps behind all the children.

So, how do others do it? Between obsessing wondering if I'm over thinking the things they do and I'm just *wrong* about them being gifted, worrying about what it says about me that I'm pretty convinced that all 3 of them are gifted and trying to actually survive this mad house (and I mean that in the most loving way, lol), I feel like I'm going off the deep end!

I keep thinking if they're not gifted, if every parent goes through this with multiple children, how the heck did humans survive? Because after a day of being bombarded from all sides I feel like my head might explode if I have to answer one more question and I begin to understand why some species eat their young, lol.

I put my description of the kids at the end of the post, it is really long winded, and I'm so sorry I can't seem to edit it down more, I just haven't been able to put down all the things I see and worry about before. I keep reading about levels of giftedness, I have no clue where they fall, so forgive me if I emphasize things that are pretty standard "gifted kid behavior"

I would love to know if every parent of multiple gifted kids feels so overwhelmed? How do you make it through the day without babbling incoherently in a corner by 2pm? And if you homeschool- how do you do it with a possibly gifted toddler who refuses anything less than her own school work (and I haven't figured out what that would possibly be) while you're working with her brothers?

Thanks for any insight or ideas!!
Kimberly


DS6 taught himself to read a bit over a year ago and is now reading at a 4th grade level with decoding at a 5th grade. He's going through curriculum materials almost as fast as I can buy them, he ate up the Singapore math 1a/1b in 2 months and is only going to need about 1.5 months for 2a. I can't even figure out if he already knows this stuff or if he's just picking it up insanely quick. He asks random, insanely complicated questions that make me say things like "Well, it depends, um, first you have to know about, well, no first you'd have to understand...but then there's that...no, that's too hard to explain...um, let's look it up online" from sun up to sun down and it makes my head hurt.

DS4 is stubborn. He wouldn't say a word until he turned 2 and then he just started talking, full on conversations like he had always spoken. He decided last month he wanted to learn to read and learned to identify both upper and lower case letters in less than 2 weeks, he can tell you the sounds they make (including vowels) and write them. He also has gathered about 15 sight words since he decided to learn. He puts together 150 piece puzzles by himself and a week ago I showed him jigzone.com he is now a complete online puzzle addict and absolutely proficient at turning on the computer, getting online and going to the website all on his own. He is obsessed with death. He asks me constantly about how/if/when people and animals died. When he learned that dinosaurs were possibly killed off by a meteor (thanks DS6), he asked me if a meteor was going to come and kill people. I told him there are some things we just can't know and we have to try not to worry about them because we can't change them. I felt like a complete failure as a parent because I couldn't make him feel safe. When he overheard DS6 and I talking about how our sun was going to end, he asked if when it explodes it will kill people on Earth. When I told him that it wasn't going to happen for millions of years (thinking he was really worried about how it was going to affect him), he asked what about the people and animals who are alive then? How do you answer that?!?

And DD22mo, oh how I love her, but I think out of all the children she may actually send me to the loony bin. She refuses to sleep. She screams every time we put her in her room for nap/bedtime. When I finally relent and bring her to our room and that's when she decides she should show me all the cool things she's learned. When she was learning to talk about 6 months ago she would refuse to say more than a word or two during the day, but at night would wake me up because she wouldn't be quiet "Kitty, come here kitty", "Mommy, I hear TT talking" (TT is DS6's nickname), this from a child who wouldn't say more than a few words during the day. She woke me up 2 months ago to count to 5 for me. 2 weeks ago she woke me up counting to 11. She now has 1 to 1 counting up to 5 and she constantly brings me random bits of things to count with her during the day. She has started doing this freaky parroting thing where she repeats back phrases that any of us say (DH, me, or the boys) and then uses the phrasing later on in a completely different context. I feel like she's trying to learn shorthand for speaking, why bother with stringing words together when other people have already done the hard work for you, lol.

Glad you're here, Kimberly!

I survive homeschooling two (not three! Yikes!) active kids because of two little words: CHILD CARE!

Just a few hours a week makes all the difference to my sanity. I didn't have much/any (that's child care, not sanity, though the sanity soon trickled away, too!) at the start of the year. It was so hard. One particular day, I was on the verge of verbal abuse, I think. Afterward I had a long talk with the kids and apologized. They forgave me, and I've tried to forgive myself. On the bright side, it became clear that something had to change so that I NEVER went to that bad place again!

A few hours of child care each week made it all better. A sane mommy is a happy mommy! So that's priority #1. Find a way to fit some sort of time away into your schedule and your budget.

Also, I encourage lots and lots of independence out of my kids. If the almost-2yo wants schoolwork, give her some! But make it something you don't have to hover over. The more they can do alone, the better. It sounds like it's time for the 6yo to start looking up things for himself online or in reference books. Can the 6yo teach something to the other two kids? Use what you've got!

Finally, art supplies (crayons and clay) and manipulatives like tangrams and Legos and Lincoln Logs are your friends, just in case you haven't discovered how useful they are as child-distractors yet. One or two kids can be assigned to build a dinosaur or write a book while the other 1 or 2 are doing something with you. I even use the TV if I must for a half-hour here or there, though I'm not at all big on TV in general for my kids. But TV works wonders for keeping one out of your hair so you can work with another. Tune in to "How It's Made" or "Sesame Street," and it's not such a bad thing, even.

Just be sure to give yourself time away somehow. Quiet time for everyone in the afternoon--naps not required--or a requisite "out in the yard without bothering Mommy" time is a good, good plan. As they say on the airplane, put the oxygen mask on yourself before you attempt to assist someone else. That goes double for moms! If you go insane, everyone else will be close behind you, too. Make time for you!

Does that help at all? Or is this all obvious stuff I'm telling you? Do you have any thoughts to share? I'd love to hear what you're doing to stay sane, too!

Sometimes I feel like I'm going off the looney edge and I only have ONE!

Childcare (or shared babysitting) is a great suggestion. Here are some others:
- join a Homeschool Group
- if you can afford it, let your 6 yo use www.aleks.com for math (mine loves it)
- BBC has a lot of kids games (questionaut, dance mat typing, spanish) that are free, http://www.bbc.co.uk/schools/ks2bitesize/
- check out Hoagies Gifted website
- maybe have the older two play a game (Chutes and Ladders or something) while you work with the little one
- use your local library as much as you can

Hang in there, you'll make it. And, you're not crazy. Your children are gifted. It's hard to tell how much at this age. Hope that helps.

Hi Kimberly & welcome!

Kriston, I love your advice (airplane mask esp).

Kimberly, my kids are about the same spacing as yours and it has definitely seemed too much at times. I was not a stay at home mom until the first three were about 5, 3, and 1. Like you, my 3rd DS presented the most challenges (hence the 3 yr gap between him and #4).

I would have to agree with Kriston that child care was critical. Half-day preschool starting at age 3 became the child care, which helped make friends, socialization, etc., even though most of their early learning was at home (afterschool, which could have nicely segued to homeschool, but didn't for us). We spent a lot of time picking out & reading library books, some math workbooks, museums, parks. I confess I used videos to give myself "free" time--because it's necessary. At your kids' ages, I invested in some educational computer programs and the little kids would have some computer time.

I have found raising HG children to be very demanding and exhausting (but the best thing in the world). Once you have some child care, either in the form of a babysitter or preschool, you'll have more time to explore the testing and school options (including homeschool).

Welcome Kimberly. My children definitely run me down too! And I only have 2. DD4 is really starting to run me ragged and hurt my brain in a way she wasn't a year ago. I don't have any additional advice - I like the childcare one! We are homeschooling DS7 this year, but DD4 is still going to a 3 morning a week play based preschool. If things go well, both will be home schooled the following year full time. We may want/need other stuff than that. I may get DS into some homeschool classes at a local art school, zoo, or science museum.

Hope to see you around more!

WOW! What a ride!!

The childcare option is a good one. Our nanny also babysits for SAHM and HS groups on the weekends. She has already brought a number of things to help us out.

Another thing is a tutor or mentor for your kids - a retired schoolteacher is a great idea - they can answer questions you cannot and they do the childcare so you can have a break.

Welcome, Kimberly!

I have four profoundly gifted kids, at least three of whom are twice exceptional. Life is never dull around here, that's for sure! We homeschool, though the oldest has long since gone on to college, first as a cc student and this past year, living away from home at a small liberal arts college.

My youngest is three. I firmly believe that if a child asks for work, then they should be given it. It really gives the kids a sense of pride and accomplishment to be doing work that they feel is similar to the big kid's work. I remember when my oldest was about nine and my second child just a toddler. One of the older boy's duties was to stack firewood outside on our rack. Our little guy demanded that he be allowed to do this too, and he did, with great relish! It didn't matter to him that he could barely carry a single piece of wood at a time- he was stacking it, and was very happy about doing the same task his big brother was doing. It was very cute.

Likewise, my dd (now 8) begged for her own workbooks when she was two. So I bought her a phonics book and Singapore math workbooks, and she was happy as a clam. Don't be afraid of being labeled a "pushy" parent just for giving kids what they want. Sometimes that's also what they need!

Oh my. And to think that we feel overwhelmed with only 1! Hats off to those intrepid among you...

BB

Thank you all so much for the advice! It's so good to know that I'm not the only one hanging by a thread, lol.

We're involved with a homeschool co-op, but we pulled DS6 from school so abruptly that by the time we joined the co-op was winding down for the year. Hopefully when the classes start back up it will help some. The kids will all have 2 hours of classes every Monday (I'll be in the room with DS4 and DD since they'll be in the same group and she's so young).

We try to get out of the house a couple of times a week, but with gas prices like they are I end up combining several errands in one trip which is too much for the kids to handle. Summers are hard in general too because we live in the South and between the heat, the humidity and the mosquitoes it's completely unbearable outside.

I think I need to be more vocal about me needing to be away from the house. My time away is usually to grocery shop, lol. We can't afford to hire anyone other than the occasional babysitter for dates, but DH is perfectly capable of caring for the kids. I've been considering joining a book club just to have something to do that's semi-intellectual and completely unrelated to children.

DS6 is becoming much more responsible for his school work. He does his language arts and math on his own, history and science we do together. I give him a folder each week with a to-do list and worksheets paper clipped together for each day (the sheets are just grammar and handwriting). The list includes what to read in his math book and the problems to work on. Except for when we're first working on a concept, I'm just close by to help when he gets stuck. I've found that he fights much less with the notebook telling him what needs to be done than he does with me. It also lists his chores for the day and any special activities we have. The only rule is that his work has to be done before noon or he loses TV for the day, simply because I've found otherwise he will drag his feet until bedtime.

I am trying to teach him to look up the information that he wants online or in our encyclopedias. So far the thing that works the best is for me to walk him through what I'm going to look up and then let him read when I find the answer.

The big frustration is when DS4 is doing his school work or if I'm trying to read the history book with DS6 or I'm doing science with the boys, DD feels left out. She sees that everyone but her is involved in productive activity and she knows the difference between busy work and actual work (she's like that in everything, I can't give her dish towels to fold, she wants to fold shirts like I am, I can't give her silverware to put away, she rolls her eyes and starts handing me plates from the dishwasher). I try to involve her with the schoolwork when I can, but the fact of the matter is that she's too little to actively participate and is mostly in the way, distracting the older 2.

I'm just really not sure what I can give her that will keep her occupied, be productive and not require more than general guidance. Neither of the boys was interested in actual work at this age, they were much more passive about learning. And leaving her to her own devices is horribly messy, I left her to play while the boys and I were working (our house is small and we were downstairs with her), she defeated the lock on the refrigerator and covered the entire kitchen floor with flour, she was so quiet about it I had no idea until I realized she was being so quiet. She isn't doing it to misbehave, but a bored DD is a destructive DD. It never would have occurred to the boys to do some of the things she does and she regularly catches me off guard.

I know there's no magic cure, a lot of this is just going to take some time for them to grow a bit. It really is comforting that I'm not just a wimp, lol.

No, 'fraid grocery shopping doesn't count as time away (though it's nice to get time alone to shop, too). You need time AWAY, to not be Mommy at all. Is there another mom with whom you could trade afternoons watching the kids? Is there a Mom's day out at a local church?

And as long as it's not so hot out that there's a health warning, kids can play outside. Humans haven't always used air conditioning, after all! Maybe send the kids out in the morning instead of the afternoon, and use plenty of bug spray and sunscreen, but trust me, it can be done! My kids just came inside, and it's 90+ degrees out. They played in the shade and they didn't do much running around. But they went out and had fun without me, just as they do pretty much every day, rain or shine.

As for your DD...What about trying a little reverse psychology on her? "No, you can't use this playdough. It's only for older kids...Well, okay, you can use it, but you'd have to do it alone while I work with your brother. I don't know if that's okay with me...I really ought to be watching you to be sure you don't mess it up...Alright, I'll trust you with it, but I'm not sure about this..."

Or is she too young for that sort of evil-mommy manipulation? It works well on my 4yo.

Some of this is, I think, just the attitude: look for ways to make it work, rather than for reasons why it won't. You may have problems to solve (mosquitos, heat, no $ for sitters, etc.), but there's a solution that will work for you if you look hard enough for it. And for me, it's been worth the effort! Maybe you're doing better with it all than I was, but boy, I needed to find ways to make it work.

No, you're definitely not the only one who has struggled! It's so much better for me this year than it was for me last year though. That's the good news!