Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Sleep Issues and Strategies

When DD was three we became rather desperate for her to sleep in her own room since I was expecting DS. What we ended up doing seemed a little barbaric, but it worked. DD had to stay in her own room at night. If she came out, we told her we had to shut her door so she would stay in there. This resulted in much wailing and gnashing of teeth. If she stayed in her room, she was allowed to have her door open.

DS was fine sleeping in his own room at three. We got lucky there

I definitely see the merits of attachment parenting, but if I'd had to spend all night with my toddlers given my personality, I'd have been an emotional wreck. They had all my time all day long, all my brainpower, my breasts...for goodness' sake, I needed my sleep to myself!

I always thought the barbaric part of Ferber was how long people made it take. Stretching the process out over days or weeks just seemed too painful to me. Torture! I never got that part of how people did it. "Do it or don't do it," I thought. But the one-night version worked like a charm for us.

I just reminded myself with each child that he was not hurt, and that if I were a toy and he were throwing a tantrum to get me, I would not give myself to him. That helped. Then I had a nice stiff drink to steady my nerves, and I turned on a fan to dampen the sound of the weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth, while still allowing me to hear if something was really wrong with the child. (It wasn't.)

It was like taking a band-aid off. It hurt at the time, but when it was over, we were ALL happier. We all sleep better as a result. It was certainly easier to break a 16-mo.-old (or whenever we did it) of the "I need Mommy" habit than it is to break a 4yo of it.

But with that said, let me reiterate that I have great respect for those practicing attachment parenting. Actually, in virtually every way except sleep, I was practicing attachment parenting, too. But sleep was where I drew the line...

To each his or her own.

Absolutely. And I definitely have respect for those who have the fortitude to stick it out. I'm just not one of them. But then, it's difficult for me to get the band-aid off too.

BB

I am pretty strict on the sleep schedule but I also find activity relates to her sleeping. Since she is extremely active, in swim camp from 9-12 mon-fri now, her sleep schedule is pretty good. When she is not on such an active schedule, then I have problems.

Ren

Jr did this. At 3mos we both were so exhausted and he somehow turned off this monitor such that we did not hear him for a while. He was so upset when we picked him up that he balled for an hour and was banging on me with his little hands - even after he ate.

His last real CIO spell at 4mos was in my FIL's car with my MIL in traffic. He still gets upset when he hears her voice and cries just when he can SEE FIL's car. If we sit with him in it, he goes ballistic, struggling to get loose. His grudge is upsetting to my MIL for obvious reasons.

I agree with this in theory, but we have had to go with a rule of no exciting novels in bed because he can and he will stay up to 4 or 5 if it is exciting enough. So we give him things like Smithsonian magazines and Stephen Jay Gould books which he finds interesting but that do no create suspense.

I was not allowed in my parent's bed. But I always had horrid nightmares and would come and get my mother who would come and join me in my bed until (drum roll, please) I went off to college at 18. Are you scared now?!?

But DS never comes to get me, never joins us in bed, and never disrupts our sleep unless he is genuinely sick. And, I did absolutely nothing to deserve this! No trick, no skills, no books, just pure injustice! Because if anyone deserves a disrupted sleep, it would be me!

Oh acs, your mother sounds incredibly sweet though!

DS7 is very low maintenance at bed time. He will read all night often if he has a good book and I don't remember to have him shut his light off at a reasonable time. I actually wish he would still let us read with him! I cannot get DD4 to even look at books by herself at bedtime, although she does all the time during the day.

I can relate on this issue....DS5 has never been a good sleeper. For literally - NO exaggeration- the first 3 years of his life, he woke up an average of 4-6 times a night. Both my husband and I were seriously sleep deprived. Just in the last year or so, he has more nights a week where he will only be up once a night and 1 or so nights a week where he sleeps through the night. He sleeps in his own bedroom and due to his Sensory Processing Disorder, hears every little sound - he is terrified of the air conditioner kicking on and off and some nights refuses to do his teeth and potty because he is scared to death that the noise will kick on while he is in the bathroom (and our air is NOT loud - it's actually a brand new outside unit as well - he just has super sensitive hearing). He has a sound machine that we turn up full blast at night to try to help drown out the noise and when he was a baby he would fall asleep to our vacuum (so we taped it on a recorder and had it on constant repeat).
He had GERD very badly when he was an infant and pretty much would only fall asleep on DH or my chest and a handful of times in his car seat...i would strap on his little baby harness and walk the neighborhood at 2 and 3 am trying to get him to sleep...and of course the infamous hour long car rides through the area that never seemed to work.
When he turned 4, we had to make a special chart for him where I photographed him completing his night rituals (bath, teeth, story....) and when he finished one step, he would turn the card over, for each night he completed all the bedtime routines he would get a sticker on his chart and once a line was filled up on his chart, he got to buy a new book at the store...that cut our finally getting into bed deal down to 30 minutes instead of an hour. We read 4 books every night and then DH and I take turns each night laying next to him until he falls asleep....but I don't know if he will ever be a sleeper.