Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Learning Environments Waiting...waiting...(trying SO hard to be patient)

So, we are weeks into the school year and I am starting to get a bit uneasy for DS6, in 1st. I am trying SO hard to be patient. I did "drop the bomb" of DS's WISC/WIAT scores (DYS-level WISC, DYS-level reading AND math on WIAT), and YES, we take those with a BIG grain of salt) to the teacher weeks ago when she was asking for "more information" about the students (I was hesitant to share a while back, but when she ASKED for more information...well, that seemed like it COULD be some important information). The teacher did sound like she might understand the scores when she replied via e-mail, so now we wait. But then I see what work is coming home with DS recently, and well, you know (sight words he could read 4-years ago as homework).

DS seems sad and lost when he talks about school. He has asked me several times now if he can stay home and learn. Also, he is sensitive and can be quiet. I KNOW some of it must be the transition to full-day school, BUT some of it might not be just that.

How long do I wait patiently? We found out recently that if we want a private parent-teacher conference, we will need to schedule it separately, outside of the normal conferences (which are not truly private).

The schools have no G&T program until 3rd/4th. We cannot afford to send both DC (DD9 is a DYS) to private gifted school at the moment (and travel there would require a decent commute, every day), as the tester recommended, so we are doing our best.

I KNOW the teachers need some time at the beginning of the year to get to know the students and make plans for teaching all of them. So I am trying SO hard to be patient...but how long do you wait? I am just very worried about DS.

I will PM you.

I would be concerned. Perhaps scheduling a friendly proactive meeting to go over how your child can make "one year of progress during the next year of school" (to paraphrase one of our helpful board denizens) might be helpful.

The teacher likely has 20+ kids to deal with. A quiet gifted kid who is not causing problems could easily get lost in the shuffle.

Hi -
We are in a similar place with our DS6 (first grade), except he is 2e and I'm still too paranoid to share scores with the school.

I had an informal meeting with his teacher this week to talk about support strategies in the classroom. Among other things, I'll be feeding books to her, so she can make them available to him for "Readers Workshop" and she put a few things in place to help him with classroom anxiety (e.g., keeping him apart from that kid he is clashing with; supporting strengths, etc.).

I got this meeting by way of emailing her to ask if I could "pop by for a quick check in." If she's willing to work with you, this less formal strategy could bring about quicker results. Maybe? It doesn't lead to any formal accomodation obligations, but in our case it's helping my son feel better able to learn something in school.

Good luck to you and your son.

Oh - one more thing - I volunteer in the classroom on a regular basis. I did that last year, too. And I am certain it's the only thing that got us through a miserable K year. I don't know if that's a possibility for you. But, when your face keeps popping up in the school, it's harder for them to passively (maybe even unintentionally) push off thinking about the complex problems our kiddos present.

cmguy - yes, that is our goal, that he simply make one year of progress. Part of the reason we ultimately decided to have him tested was that he IS the quiet, well-behaved kiddo who could be missed.

suevv - 2e gifted kiddos are no less gifted and I hope that your school will appropriately challenge your DS, too! Great suggestions, and yes, I DO classroom volunteer whenever I get the chance. I have found it very helpful in the past, and it is also a GREAT way to get to know the teacher better and see her teaching style in action.

School starts next week and I am already nervous. I've been sitting on our test scores and the recommendation for radical acceleration for two months and still don't know when and what to share. New teacher I haven't met yet, nor has DS ever talked about her, no specials or after school stuff he's done with her...
DS is looking forward to third grade, though. Maybe I'll keep gnawing my nails until the first moans about boring homework...

DS kind of helped out his own case, because at "back to school night" when we dropped off supplies, the teacher was talking to DS and he launched into a sort of rant. It was highly embarrassing, but he told the teacher how his teacher at X school gave him baby math like 2+2 but that's not the only problem, he also needs hard social studies and science as well. He's just young and cute enough that he was able to get away with having no filter. She did need to have a talk with him, later, though about not referring to things as "baby math", "baby science", etc. because it makes the other kids feel bad. "Babies don't do math"...etc. He also apparently refused to participate during lectures and at first she thought that meant he doesn't understand, but I asked him what that is all about and he said "If I answer those questions, she'll think I'm actually interested in the baby math." I explained that to the teacher and I think she then finally understood, that he has a major attitude and it's something that she needs to deal with by getting him work that's appropriate. So I didn't exactly "coach" DS to do any of these things but I DID tell him he needs to be an advocate for himself, because the teachers don't necessarily believe mom and dad. They are more likely to listen to a student themselves. If a kid isn't complaining and is going along with everything then it's more difficult. DS has always been one of those really quiet, passive, well behaved kids so I was surprised that he was so vocal about it. It did take a little bit of encouragement from me, though, to figure out what he wants from school and stand up for himself. He also now knows that things can be different and he can be given harder work because the last teacher was awesome. So to go from learning long division in school to 8+5 was a real shock for him.

I think you're at the perfect point to schedule a meeting or at least email and say you know she's getting to know the kids and preparing appropriate differentiation for them all, and you'd like to know possibilities for your child and offering help/insights about him that could be useful for her preparations for an appropriate year for your son SWEET HELPFUL INNOCENT SMILE. Just enough to give her a chance to do something, and see what it is. Then if that something is nothing or not much, you know you've got to go in for a serious advocacy meeting. Between maternity leave and being overly trusting of our school's big gifted standards/differentiation focus we wait WAY too long. You do have to give them what seems like a long time at the start of the year as they teach routines and get to know the kids and then implement different groups etc, but a nudge to be sure she's thinking of your child can't hurt.

I also think that it helps to be very direct (depending on the teacher and how open they seem to parent input) and say that you have some ideas about how things could work but you want to work with her as a team and brainstorm solutions, come up with a plan for how to proceed, and that she should feel free to experiment. I think it's actually easier to bring up concerns earlier in the school year so the teacher doesn't take it personally, or as criticism. Of course this is exactly the approach I took last year and it didn't go well. The teacher simply did not get it. I think in those cases a school or teacher change is in order (if possible) rather than trying to fight it.