Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional Just came back from meeting with the nero-psyc

From your description, it sounds like a story re-tell/recognition task from the in-depth memory testing, such as the WRAML-2.

A day later and I think I have a bit better grip on my reaction. I am a bit disheartened that I don't have one thing to hang onto and say THIS is the problem, and if we do X everything will magically be better. Even though I know rationally that wasn't what to expect and wouldn't have happened. The problem is I'm struggling to balance what he needs socially with what he need academically.

Breaking it up there are really three issues. His anxiety/depression that we have to work on first or we won't get anywhere with the other issues. The underlying LD the working memory, processing speed, pragmatic judgement, and possible written language processing issues that are the cause of a lot of the anxiety to begin with. And the social, mild Autism behaviors that make it hard for him socially.

Makes him seems more non-functioning that he really is.. This is my kid who happily went off to two weeks of wilderness camp? The teen who happily wanted me to teach him to cook this summer. Who is looking forward to marching band camp? The teen that walked into an unfamiliar house last week, and to my surprised had a normal conversation with someone he hadn't met in years and didn't remember?

You are on top of this, processing a lot of new information.

Your son is fortunate to have you as a supportive parent, focused on his obvious strengths, and gaining assistance for other areas.

Hang in there bluemagic. It will take awhile to process all the info, but you'll get there and as you think it through you'll come up with a plan that makes sense for your ds and your family. One thing that is hopefully going to be helpful for you is your ds' input - he's old enough and has enough self-insight that he should be able to help somewhat in setting priorities.


One of the things that's been toughest for me as the parent of children with LDs is seeing the amount of time that the LDs take out of their lives - both in time spent remediating and in the impact the LDs have on the amount of time they spend on their homework compared to nt peers. I look back at how their childhoods have played out relative to what I *thought* their childhoods would be like prior to diagnoses and it's very different - but that doesn't mean it's either sad or bad or that they've missed out on anything. It's just different. The time spent on remediation was well worth it, and the time they've invested in their homework helped make them successful students which built their self-confidence. The toughest point to be at is really the starting line - when you first know there's a problem and you're looking at how to get from point A to point Z. Once you've jumped in and started moving forward, you'll see progress and the journey forward will seem less overwhelming.


I know I'm beginning to sound like a broken record on this, but the anxiety may very well be a which-came-first chicken-or-egg issue. It was for my ds - we landed at a neuropsych initially because his anxiety was so sky high he was having panic attacks and imagining horrible things were going to happen to him. We went in thinking it was all anxiety, found out he had undiagnosed LDs, and once those LDs were accommodated the anxiety went away. Completely.

You may have to deal with medication to help decrease the anxiety so he's able to take advantage of the work he's about to move into, but otoh, you might also find that knowledge of the challenges and getting along with helping through accommodations and remediations may in and of itself help resolve the anxiety.


This sounds to me *totally* like a kid who's anxiety is wrapped up in school - which may by pointing back to his learning challenges.

Best wishes,

polarbear

Thanks this is very helpful, it's one of the reasons I keep posting here. You have such good insights. In the past and it's what I need to hear. I know.. I have to get the formal report, hear why DS has to say, talk with his psychologist and education therapist to form a plan. Figure out how to prioritize.

The one thing I'm struggling with is if I should purse the medication for anxiety angle or not. This old friend who told me the story of her son (I will not repeat here since it's not my story to tell but he is a rising senior and fell apart sophomore year) and how what she just told me she regretted was not starting medication sooner.

I consider the social aspect very important. When my DD (who has LD's) was in middle school I demanded that they find a way to accommodate her while leaving her in choir. It was very frustrating that the very thing that helps kids with LD's self esteem, art classes, and music are often dropped in junior high/high school to make room for their special ed.

Although one thing I am considering is dropped DS's private music lessons. We love the teacher, but it's a bit of a drive and I don't feel DS's is getting much out of it at this time. During the school year he is in band almost every day.

So how would one help a child with this sort of issue? My DS does not have a diagnosis at this point but has difficulty with certain things. Anxiety is one problem with testing him, but he also shows much better results when motivated in some way. So how does one help a child get better at doing tasks that he or she finds uninteresting!

Hope no one minds the slight side track, but I'm curious.

We have tried to broaden DS's interests, with mixed success. Starting with things *next to* what he's interested in -- physics is close enough to astronomy, chemistry close enough to physics, biology close enough to chemistry-- and also things that others in the family are interested in-- Mom LOVES the art museum, would you please go with her for an hour?

Sometimes he finds a new enthusiasm, sometimes he participates somewhat grudgingly-- but always he is gathering expertise and familiarity with things that helps him have more of a context for new information and therefore muster a little more interest.

It is tricky to manage the anxiety/disinterest issue-- we have persuaded DS to care about grades somewhat, which helps with motivation, but we don't want him to tip over into thinking grades are a life-or-death issue, either.

apm, with my 2e ds it was really difficult teasing out whether or not anxiety was the issue, lack of motivation, or actual learning challenge. The thing that worked best was to look at a wide range of situations over time - what type of assignment is causing the symptoms that look like anxiety? Is it truly random, or if you pay attention over time do you see any pattern? With my ds, the "pattern" was open-ended writing assignments - he appeared to be zoning out in class, "lazy" (according to his teacher), lacking motivation etc. Other times he was able to complete writing assignments. It took looking over a full year's work, plus a lot of other thinking about what was going on, but we eventually realized it was the open-ended nature of the questions. He was eventually diagnosed with an expressive language disorder by an SLP - I noticed on your earlier posts you'd mentioned early delays in speech but also mentioned you'd anticipate his scores on a speech eval now would come out in the average range. FWIW, my ds' scores on the CELF *did* come out in the average range - some were actually very high - but the diagnosis came from observations on the part of the SLP related to how long it took ds to come up with the answers to the questions.

Sorry that probably veered a bit OT too!

My last piece of advice - I think it's really important to listen to your gut feeling as a parent - you are the person who's spent the most time with your ds. If you feel like there is something going on, it's worth looking into. If you find out it was all for nothing and everything is a-ok. that's ok! And if you do find a challenge, you'll be so glad you found out now instead of later on.

Best wishes,

polarbear

Thanks, polarbear and DeeDee. It's the open ended questions that DS has the most trouble with; he missed every one of them on his last testing, I think. His speech therapist doesn't seem to think more speech would be helpful and the school won't help with anything because they don't offer anything to kids who are academically advanced (DS is working two grades ahead of grade level). Maybe I need to insist on a speech appointment with his private therapist, who is usually very helpful. No one seems to know what is making things difficult for him.

Thanks again!