Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Do our kids burn out?

Lots of people quit doing things they are good at to do something else. And lots of people quit things that everyone thinks they are really good at because they know they are good not great (ballet, music, art are common here - everyone says "I never understood why she gave up.x to do y, she had so much talent").

A combination of parental pressure and self pressure, mostly.

I wasn't in school to learn. I was in school to win.

I never figured out anything to do with balance or with the level of challenge required.

My early life approach was more pouring 110% into whatever it was I wanted, working under the presumption that I could run at 110% forever because I absolutely awesome, and then completely crashing. Also, then then having no idea how to recover because my level of resilience was about zero.

I assume if you figure out how to learn actual intensity coping skills you avoid becoming me.

In terms of the regression, I think it has more to do with gathering psychological energy before the growth spurt. That part seems pretty normal and healthy to me.

So, rather than worrying you, you should use it as a tell to recognize that a growth spurt is coming.

College grades and graduation rates have a positive monotonic relationship with prior achievement, as measured by high school grades and test scores. There is of course a chance that someone with a good high school record will drop out of college, but the good record is not itself a reason for the parent to worry about this.

I lived in a town for a while that was well known for extreme tiger parents and had a friend who, in retrospect, was most likely HG or PG. She did well, but her sister who was suppose to be even more gifted flamed out and was supported by her parents even into her 30s. They both grew up in the same town and in the same environment but one thrived and the other completely burned out by early high school.

There was definitely extreme tiger-parenting in my town - and so many examples of "burnouts" by kids that other parents would say "oh, he was so smart - he was destined for great things, what happened?".

It is not LOG - I feel it is a combination of the environment AND the person's temperament more than LOG for burn out.

I definitely see "burnout" so much more in the sports world, from kids who spent so many years dedicated to their sport (especially in year-round sports) and then one day had enough and decide to do something else.

As others mention - balance is key. Obsession in a single area can be unhealthy - and I know, having walked that line in the sports world and seen people fall on the other side of that line in my sport.

I wonder if scheduling certain amount of unscheduled creative loafing is helpful ... also Coach John Wooden's approach seems helpful. He always focused on doing your best, and not worrying too much about winning or losing (since you can control effort, but you can't control who has happened to show up to compete on a given day). If the satisfaction from doing things is internal (I made this airplane out of legos and it was challenging and fun to do it) rather than external (my airplane is better than so and so's airplane) maybe that is a more sustainable long term approach.

22B I had a whole post written and then it sort of disappeared and Zen Scanner had written a similar post to what I was going to say. I read a book called Gifted Grownups that talks about how one quality of some gifted people is that once they master something they want to move on to something else. This can make it difficult staying in one career. Also perfectionism can be an issue. I remember in elementary school I was considered "the artist" and never really had to work for that. Then in middle school another kid (who actually was doing things with it like entering competitions) showed up and I basically decided that he should be "the artist" as he obviously was better than I was. This wasn't true, we were both good but if I couldn't be the best without trying I didn't want to compete. I wasn't very competitive as I knew that drew unwanted attention. It's possible also that as a kid get into middle and high school they want to fit in more than they want to stand out.

This possibility in my own DD (similarly able but not highly passionate about... well, much of anything in particular) terrifies us.

Her college major is a combination of what WE think will eventually suit her (and what she's ultimately expressed the most passion for that is scarce enough to be in high demand) and what the first faculty member who "adopted" her is into. It worries us.

I'm laughing at Portia's second post in this thread though-- point #2-- makes me both chuckle... and shake my head. DD has the same pattern-- she never even gets to stage 2 of "let me show you who I really am" with most people. It's made her a bit stand-offish socially, though most people never know because her facade is pretty darned good.

I would expect that PG/EG participants in math competitions find themselves up against other PG/EG participants in short order, at which point the number hours of study and practice become a significant determining factor in success. Once "Who wants it more?" is a major part of the activity, it becomes very easy for someone to say, "Not me," or, "Eh... I want it, but not that badly."

Competitions can be fun and healthy, but striving for the very highest levels is often unhealthy. Training at any one thing comes with real opportunity costs as it crowds out other healthy activities, and the individual has to be willing to pay those costs.

It's LOG plus the issue of temperament with respect to psychological resilience, and the use coping skills.

Meaning that the LOG/intensity makes the risk of this kind of burnout possible (not probable).