Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy How to make my child to independently study?

My daughter (6 years) always want to discuss with me when she is doing some workbook. Sometimes she has to do it for EVERY question. i.e. after each question, she would ask me if the answer is correct. I asked her to do 10 at a time and then find me, she just cannot do it. And she has to stay in the same room with me to do workbooks. Also, she tends to move around, stand on her feet, eating snacks while she is studying. I found this very annoying, and it's taking her too long to finish something. It always seemed to me that she had some problem concentrating-- and I was thinking she might have some problems and must be doing the same at school. Recently, I got her kindergarten report (MAP), all 99% by quite big margins. So I suspect her problem only appears at home. Any suggestions on how to deal with it?

Honestly-- she's six.



She likes you and is probably just seeking ways to "talk" with you. I've lived with one of these kids for fifteen years now-- and while yeah, as an introvert this kind of thing can make me batty, she seems to talk-to-learn on some level, and more than that, this is also how she makes too-easy work TOLERABLE for herself. Makes it more engaging to turn it into something more social, if that makes sense.

What does she do with work which is far higher in level? Does she read silently for extended periods?

DOES she do this with anyone else? I'm assuming that (like with my DD at this age) the behavior is completely situational. In my own DD's case, it was boredom as much as anything else.

One of mine, who is wildly extroverted, and also a verbal-tactile-kinesthetic learner, not only wants me to be around, but would prefer to sit on my lap while doing work (and this is when no assistance is necessary)...and this is -not- a six-year-old we're talking about, either!

I would agree with HK. Workbooks are pretty low in intrinsic relational qualities. And may not be that difficult for her either. She probably views them as a tool for special parent-child time, which is perfectly reasonable, especially at this age. I used to cuddle them to do work at this age (okay, I guess I just admitted I still do!). Or sit one up at the kitchen counter, so I could do kitchen work or tidy up while giving positive feedback ever so frequently. When working on the computer, I have one sit next to me, at another desk, or on the carpet. Some kids have a much higher need for company and interaction than others do.

Plus six-year-olds, even very bright ones, can't be expected to sit still or attend to a single task for more than a couple of minutes without a check-in. (Obviously, many HG/PG kids will focus for hours on their special interests, but if they don't, that's not unusual, either.)

I just love that whole post, aeh! Your kids are so lucky.

Hmmm..."always wanting to discuss" with you - I can relate to this! DD8, my talkative extrovert, still asks me to sit by her while she does homework, reading, or playing math games. The only way we would know for certain she was asleep when she was small was to listen by the door to see if she was still talking . Actually, that is still true.

DD thinks out loud. She likes to bounce ideas off of us. Constantly.

The good news is - DD is fine at school, and finishes her work. At home, however, she is a terrible homework procrastinator, and her homework has become my personal nightmare. I am guessing some of the problem is that the grade-level worksheets might be boring...but then again, not EVERYTHING at school should be wildly entertaining, either! I cannot imagine homeschooling my DD because of the procrastination issues, BUT if she is learning something SHE wants to learn...super-focused!

When she learned to read (luckily this came early), things improved greatly. She luckily loves to read almost as much as she loves to talk... Still, she prefers to read snuggled up next to myself or my husband, or when she's tired us out - the dog (who has endless patience).

The workbooks are actually pretty challenging. She tends to go from one extreme to another. If it is school work, she would talk all the time 'this is sooooo easy.' and show me every minute what she did. So I bought the singapore math. Now she is doing year 2 challenging word problem. Then she started to complain about every question 'this is toooo hard', and asked me whether the answer she got was correct -- honestly, there is an answer sheet just at the back of the book! I have three other younger children (4,2,and 2 months) to deal with, so this gets extremely annoying.

About the concentration issue: She seems to be impatient to do anything, even walking--always running from one side of the room to the other side-- and there is NOTHING that she needs to do at home other than finding something to kill the time. Sometimes I ask her and my 4 years old daughter to sit together and do some work book (the 4 years is just doing some tracing). And I found my 4yrs' concentration time is way longer than hers. She even has to ask my 4yrs what she is doing, instead of doing her own stuff.

Thanks, aquinas! I'm blessed to have them.

MIexpert - sounds similar to my ds8. I don't have any answers for you or a magic pill. I know how extremely annoying it is too.

Part of it is the fact these kids are still young. Part of them wants to be independent and perhaps do the work, but part of them doesn't. So everything is either sooooo easy or sooooo hard but it seems to be a control/anxiety issue for these kids, or at least that's how I see it.

I think some of it relates to separation anxiety. If they do the work on their own, then they don't need you. BUT if they claim otherwise, then they're still dependent and therefore not responsible or accountable to anything. That's my two cents.

I just had a similar situation with ds8 yesterday and this am, so I'm dealing with similar issues.

I would say that what you're describing is developmentally appropriate for a 6 year old--even a gifted one.

My 12 year old son still likes to check in with me when he's doing his math. It helps him know he's on the right track, it helps *me* know he's on the right track, and he can redo any problems he's gotten wrong without having seen the answer first.

As for saying things are too easy or too hard--I've found that it is very difficult to find "just right," whatever that is. I've had some success over the years with getting my son to tackle hard problems without giving up immediately (I think he's so used to understanding things in an intuitive flash that when he doesn't, he thinks whatever it is is "too hard"), but not as much as I would like. Usually I respond by telling him to first *think* about the problem for a minute, and you'd be amazed at how often that works. If it doesn't work, then I will ask him questions about the problem until he is able to finish it on his own.

I've found that if I want my son to work completely independently--particularly when he was younger--I had to consciously place him well below his challenge level.

my dd4 is shaping up to be this way, only we are still at the imaginative play stage - I just had o put my foot down about needing a coffee before I do anything at 6 in the morning. Unfortunately the tv gets a workout in our house because of this trait, it's the only peace I get, and even then I have to constantly rewind bits I missed, discuss etc.
My only suggestion (born of NO experience of course) is to try 2 questions at a time instead of 10 then ramp up, ask her if she can see something that the younger kids need so that she gets a sense of why you might be busy. Does she have to do the workbooks at all? Maybe they just don't float her boat and she'd be more engaged with a computer program. Then you might have my problem where I have to book in time to use my computer!

If all else fails, maybe the work books can coincide with wine o'clock.

My 6 years old DS is exactly like this - he does this with his teachers at school too, not just at home! We get regular updates in report cards about "lacking independence while working". While doing school homework or afterschooling, he asks me to check his work for every single line he writes. If I did not respond, he is off playing with something or other.
The reason my child is this way is because of several things - he was in a montessori daycare/preschool in his early years - and there was always someone who was with him interacting and helping and teaching - he even used to sit on the main teacher's lap while coloring and painting and writing. And he is extremely social and talkative and likes to have someone to chat with him while he works and feels isolated and lonely when alone at a desk. So, I stay close by and give him incentives for independent work - e.g. if he works without asking for help on 2 pages of his singapore math book and makes no mistakes, then he skips the entire chapter and moves on to the next chapter. That helps him overcome his natural impatience to seatwork as well as cuts down on the careless mistakes. I also give him a sticker on the pages he does without asking for help from me. And he will do anything to collect stickers

At six...workbooks tend to be boring. Why not set her up with some manipulatives AND the word problems? Or some experiments?

Question: if she's in kindergarten, why are you having her do workbooks at home? They're obviously not holding her interest and she wants to spend time with you. Why not have her help you with your work as kids that age love to model Mom and Dad? DS8 has cooked with me in the kitchen since babyhood as he just wanted to be near me.

DS8 is also a pacer and doesn't sit still for long at all but that is how he thinks best. I use that to my advantage and send him on errands all the time. Sometimes it's just silly things but it's the moving that he needs.

We are using the time4learning.com program for science and social studies now, and that keeps him engaged. He's entering third grade (public school) and following the eighth grade curriculum. Perhaps a computer program would be more engaging to her.

Other ideas:

Have her read to the younger ones.

Play school with the younger ones.

Write a story for you.

Build something.

Give her a book on dance or martial arts or yoga and see if she teaches herself.

Let her learn another language.

Send her outside with some finger paints and paper.

Give her some clay to make pots.

Basically, use her motion to advantage and let her teach herself.

If you want her to do workbooks at home you will have to change your expectations. She is six and has been away from you most of the day - she needs to interact with you. I understand that you are tired and busy but unfortunately she still needs attention. I only have two and I work so I can't give you any useful advice except if you are having more you need to sort it out first.