Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional Improving conversational skills

Oh, lack of eye contact shows up when she talks, too. But she's not a rambler, or a monologuer. She does not bore people with topics not of interest to them (she doesn't have obsessive interests--although she's pretty into Harry Potter, but she doesn't talk about it much). If there is an issue, it's more that she doesn't sustain the conversation well--a short, undeveloped answer, then silence. But if I listen to her talking to peers, she sounds fine. She doesn't do quite as well with highly sophisticated peers who are trying to be "cool," but she has no social problems. I think, actually, that she knows how to hang back and be quiet if she is unsure. She is not obtrusive/annoying like some kids with ASD traits.

When we talked about the importance of eyes to understanding emotions, I remembered this test:

http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/...ind-the-eyes/?_php=true&_type=blogs&_r=0

She got a 26, which put her in the average range for an adult. (I got a 31 or something like that.) I don't know if this is due to high IQ or if she actually is fine at reading expressions.

Do they bore her or make her feel uncomfortable? DS8 sometimes has the close talker from Seinfeld problem, he is in your face if he wants you to know something. And he used to prefer adults for conversation but now he's good with both but if it's an uncomfortable topic - like he has done something wrong - I have to do the "look at me when I am talking to you". Maybe she is just hyper sensitive to adults so that it's all criticism or constraining, so she looks away. What was her reaction to the emotion in harry potter - especially in the movies, was she able to handle it, does it make sense to her. I had to press DS to discuss it because the emotions were so big, but once I did it was clear he got it just didn't want to because it hurt and made him cry, so would rather focus on magic. But did get it. But had trouble with the level of evil, he was used to cartoon evil, having same trouble with graphic novel, Nathan hale on history topics, World War I, not focusing on true evil, not surface evil. Cartoon evil like taking over the world is fun. Voldemort should be the same. It's the most stand out level of asynchrony for him. Could this be that for her?

DeHe

That may be a chicken/egg issue. There was a study of people with autism that found that they typically focus on very different things (visually) when watching movies than neurotypical people. They don't look at the characters' faces, for example, they focus on other things in the picture. As a result, they miss cues about the characters and plot, and the whole thing is not very meaningful.

I agree about not forcing eye contact during intense conversations. We have focused on looking like you're paying attention when in class, and when being given directions, and in social repartee. Occasions where you may get in trouble if you don't look like you're doing it right.

It is, however, a skill that can improve with practice.

She loves fiction and books, and does great with reading comprehension (maximum score on a state test) She just isn't very into screens. She also doesn't like video games that much (the exception was a very beautiful, visual game we had that was no-conflict). But we are a low-screen house and don't have cable. I don't think this is especially related.


Oh, definitely reactive. She is the classic giftie in the sense of being highly concerned with justice and highly sensitive to emotional or upsetting scenes. She gets very emotionally involved with books.