Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional How do you explain?

Has anyone come up with a short, sweet, direct explanation of their child's 2E issues? It seems that people see either the giftedness or the disabilities but can't wrap their heads around the whole situation. This means that she is often treated as lazy or dumb or full of excuses.

Adults who see the giftedness often seem to look for her "feet of clay" and feel a need to cut her down to size. For example the executive director of the spec Ed school where she is in OOD recently asked if I thought the teachers may be intimidated by her intellect. "You know a lot of adults might find a third grader who can discuss Dickens or Shakespeare to be rather intimidating." I replied "A lot of people find adults who can discuss Dickens or Shakespeare intimidating too. That's not DD's fault." Maybe not her fault but still a reality.

In extra curricular activities I have to explain her disabilities in order to have her participate. She can't read or do crafts or run as well as other kids her age. But she is sweet and kind and hardworking. It doesn't stop many adults from treating her as "the little special Ed kid who should just be happy to participate."

My only sibling recently passed away and in one of our last conversations I received a lecture about how "there is nothing wrong with Dd." "The neuropsych report was wrong." "Kids just develop at different rates." The entire situation was just the result of bad parenting - we didn't hold DD to appropriate standards. We have also been told by others that "you should be ashamed of yourselves as parents" and "the only thing she is 'gifted' at is getting out of doing her work." Some are convinced she is gifted but the LD issues don't exist. Others see only the deficits and think the whole high level comprehension is a joke...

DD's psych, who is a 2E adult and the parent of a 2E child, says that DD is a child "you have to translate for." My mother recently told me "I don't think of DD as being a special Ed kid anymore. I mean now she can read..."

So what do you say to short-circuit this process? My recent analogy has been color blindness. DD's brain perceives and processes information differently. Some people seem receptive to that. I have read here about analogies others have used about computer processors but being totally non-techie I wasn't all that clear on it.

Ideas anyone?

Pemberley, no advice, just hugs. It's so hard when people just can't *see* the kid in front of them.

You may wish to find an article or resource you especially like and share that as needed. Providing impartial research and information may help raise awareness and also de-personalize the conversation, deflecting any potential criticisms.

Then change the subject.

Pemberley, As you may know I so feel your pain. We have a similar experience. When you figure out what to say let me know, because we need it, too. We do not have too much of an issue with family or friends as they don't make any comments really but that's because they just don't see DS in that context much and I do not discuss it with anyone else much (just other people with not-typical kiddos and here). With us, it's mostly teachers and aids... I am sure others have their opinions but I don't hear them usually - thank goodness. I do know some of my friends will probably not get it and/or have their thoughts that are waiting to come out but I just don't let the conversation really go there so that solves that. I have a kind-of related issue that I am staring a thread on now. Related in the sense that I really think DS's current teachers simply do not really "see" DS.

I'm probably at least partially to blame for the computer analogies.

Maybe a car analogy would work better? For example, gifted/ADHD might be described as driving a souped-up race car with the windows and most of the windshield blacked out. It's amazing when traveling in straight lines, but rather treacherous in traffic.

We might be able to come up with something better if you tell us what specific 2E you're dealing with.

Not a lot of good idea's but sympathy. Many people including relatives see the problems I'm having with my son as defiance or misbehaving because of bad parenting. It is very unhelpful and can make a bad situation worse.

Do you have to describe her disabilities for her extra curricular activities? I know this depends on how noticeable or severe these problems are. My older DD who has LD's is sweet, hard and hardworking as well. She didn't read/process as fast as her peers and had two left feet left over from gross motor delays as a toddler. I usually wouldn't mention it for extra-curriculars unless it was brought up by the adults in charge or because an issue with the other kids. All kids have a huge variation as to what they can do and it often helped to not give these adults preconceptions about what she could or couldn't do. It gave her a change to feel normal.

Yeah, it's pretty noticeable. She has 40 points difference between her verbal comprehension and visual perception, 50 points each between verbal and both working memory and processing speed. She also has significant fine motor deficits and has been diagnosed with a laundry list of LDs. Because of some bad experiences she has a PTSD type reaction to adults get angry or kids who behave aggressively.

Because of the dyspraxia and slow processing speed she is always a beat or 2 behind which means she is the kid who bares the brunt of adults' frustrations when kids are misbehaving, even if she is not involved. So all those adults who don't get it and view her disabilities as defiance or disobedience think it is up to them to give her a good dose of "discipline." If we explain in advance that there are neurological issues most adults will give her the benefit of the doubt even if they don't actually understand (or accept) it. For example recently her horseback riding instructor noticed she *always* posted on the wrong leg. DD commented that she gets her "b"s and "d"s backwards so maybe it's the same thing. Instructor accepted it and they figured out how to adjust - now she posts perfectly. DD may get there in a different way but she gets there - as long as the adults she's working with can understand its necessary.

It sounds like she advocated for herself beautifully on the horseback riding!

For extracurriculars, maybe a brief, non-informative "she sometimes struggles in new activities like this. Let me know if you have any struggles, and maybe I can help brainstorm ways to work together."

I coach soccer and the range of abilities is extreme. I do wish I could have support for a few of the kids, just to know what works for them and what doesn't. I find one mom rather irritating, though, as she's (justifiably) rather protective of her son's physical and emotional state. The thing is, I can see he's got a long ways to go, and I can coach it if she'd just get out of the way. (Though yes, I admit, I bet few volunteer community coaches are familiar with 2e issues...) Anyways, I'm glad I know there's a health history there and that I can ask mom questions if I have them.

I have no suggestions I am afraid but I do sympathise. Just because my daughter is top of the class (or second top or something) noone can see her problems. she has a language disorder affecting reading, writing and speaking, she has a serious hypermobility problem, a visual problem, poor spatial and depth perception, quite dyspraxic qualities in many ways with coordination issues and is very bright. It must make life extremely frustrating for her and I find it difficult. How to get the school to stretch her and support her rather than just assume the current level is ok because she has problems to deal with too.

If you haven't seen these before, this is a decent primer on 2e, that you might try handing out:

http://www.nea.org/assets/docs/twiceexceptional.pdf

There's also some good stuff on here:

http://www.ncld.org/types-learning-...tedness/giftedness-learning-disabilities

And this page of famous 2e people from hoagies:

http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/2e_exceptional.htm