Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy giftedness and agreeable kids

It is not just girls that fit this profile... even though DS is only 3.5, we already seen signs that he will fade into the perceived age level behavior and disguise the full extent of his capacities. Every single teacher/coach always told us how he fits so well regardless if the room is full of boys or girls, and how girls love how calm and mellow he is. We had one teacher mention to us that if you did not pay attention, you would not notice how smart he was because he is so well behaved and blends in so well (and I don't think she even realized the full extent of his mental capacity). We were so surprised that even at 3, we would see this fading into the background (and major signs of boredom that the teacher had not noticed since he was very subtle in how he handled his boredom behind the teacher's back) - we are definitely keeping a close eye on his younger sister too, but I have a feeling she will be the squeaky wheel.

So we are already trying to learn all about the options we have and dealing with the fact that even at this young age, we have to keep a close eye on daycare/preschool and make sure they are where they belong, and not stick strictly to the traditional age groups mindset.

To speak in terms which do not send a mixed message, interested parents may wish to use words like "advocacy", "self-advocacy", "raising awareness", and "making needs known". These terms are positive and show that we back the efforts of other parents and children to speak up regarding appropriate curriculum placement and pacing for students who need or may benefit from advanced academics.

Meanwhile terms like "squeaky wheel" and "malcontent" may be seen as negative labels and send a message of disapproval... a message which seems to value hiding one's gifts and talents.

Thanks, everyone, for all the feedback. It was crucial in persuading me that I really ought to go talk to the teacher and just bring up some things I had noticed. One, DD is reading at a higher level at home than at school--teacher said this is very normal, actually (?), but that she can't bump all the kids up who are reading higher-level books because of inappropriate content.

Her answer didn't actually make much sense, because DD isn't even in the highest group in her class, so she could be bumped...but I think the teacher thinks she's placed correctly, and maybe she is. It's the end of the year, anyway, so I am more thinking ahead for next year. Her school-identified reading level is N but she has read both Lemony Snicket and Diary of a Wimpy Kid, one of which is like V or something--I can't quite remember. That seems odd to me, that's 8 levels, but teacher said kids will read ahead if they are motivated by the content. Does this sound true? That's a LOT ahead.

We also asked how she is with math and the teacher said "Great." She noted that there are some kids who finish the worksheets faster and are really good at then helping their classmates who didn't get the concepts as quickly, and DD is generally one of these "helpers." She also said she doesn't worry about DD being placed anywhere, in any class, "because she fits in everywhere, she just fits right in with anyone, and she's always helping the people who are struggling."

I think she meant it as a compliment but I found it depressing. If she's really finishing so fast, shouldn't she get a chance to move ahead to more advanced work instead of having to tutor other kids? DD even came home concerned one day that a partner in math class "wasn't getting any of the problems right; I helped her and by the fourth worksheet she was getting SOME right, but I don't think she really understands fractions." I asked DD how many she herself got right on the worksheets and she said all of them, on all the worksheets. So she just spent the entire class helping this girl, then feeling concerned that she couldn't help her more? That sounds kind of kooky to me.

So I mentioned to the teacher that DD would like more work in math when she finishes early, and that she does it for fun on the weekends, so the teacher mentioned giving her more packets, but I doubt anything will come of that, really, since DD is also "happy to help," and I think DD "helping" helps the teacher more than DD doing more advanced work.

I didn't ask about the gifted program specifically because after these answers I thought it was implied that she felt DD was appropriately placed. It's almost the end of the year and they won't consider nominations again anyway until September. I am having a really hard time advocating here because we already had her moved out of one class for emotional reasons, and this class has gone much better, so I want to let things lie a bit here at the end of the year.

One strategy her dad (who is way worse at being assertive than I am, and I am not very good) has mentioned is possibly just having her privately tested over the summer, then if the results indicate giftedness, we have more to bring to the table than our observations, which I felt were easily explained away in the conference I described here. We both feel steamrolled in situations with authority figures and find it easier to proceed with hard evidence. What do you guys think of that option?

I didn't honestly feel comfortable saying much about my DD's abilities until I had some objective evidence (standardized test scores). She seemed very bright to me, but I didn't think my "gut feeling" would mean much to the school, so for the most part, I didn't bother. You, too, may feel more comfortable advocating for your DD once you have some test scores in hand. The nice thing about private testing is that you can have it done, and then decide whether you wish to share it with the school.

BTW, my "compliant blender" is DS. DD, actually, is neither er, particularly compliant, nor does she always care to blend. I could EASILY see DS being missed by a teacher because he is quiet and usually well-behaved. So yes, it is not just the girls who are like this.

That teacher is toxic.

Exactly why dd is being tested - she'll work to the expected level to keep the teacher happy

You mean the teacher I described? Can you say more about that? She was infinitely preferable to the first teacher we dealt with this year

She sounds a lot like my son. I didn't think he fit the profile of a gifted kid (in the emotional sense) so I didn't pursue testing till he started insisting on doing harder math at school. He is definitely gifted! We live in a school district where you have to be at the 99% to get into the gifted program and I would say the majority of the kids are exceptionally mature. Personally I think the desire/intensity to learn is a better indicator (at least it was in our case).

I updated in the Testing forum--we're going to have her privately tested with the WISC-IV test in a few weeks. Interestingly, I requested her CogAT scores and they're pretty average (the school indicated this was a screening and not a full test).

I read the explanation and don't think it applies. She wasn't anywhere near getting all the questions right. That said, I know nothing about how the test was administered, what kinds of questions it contained, or anything that might have been going on that day to affect her performance. Picture analogies were 12/16, number analogies were 9/16, and figure matrices were 11/16. Overall age percentile is 62nd, grade percentile is 50th. No idea. We will just see how she does on the WISC-IV, but yeah, with results like that, I can't fault the school for not identifying her for subsequent testing.