Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy peer tutoring -- uncomfortable spot

That was also my gut, cynical reaction. The only thing that might indicate otherwise, is that it sounds as though the child herself has requested the peer...

The email came from the parent.

I did it all the time when I was in early elementary. And I loved it! For me it was just another form of playdate. We just "played school". I wouldn't have any issues with my kids tutoring other kids if THEY wanted to do it. Not just because I would tell them to do it, of course. I'd think the child who needs help might find it easier to take help from another child that an adult.

I am surprised by all the "get the child a paid tutor" responses. Nothing wrong with helping someone just for the good of helping someone.

... didn't mean to sound rude or judgmental in my previous comment. I'm just surprised

You are completely wrong about this. I used to think this, and the results have been devastating. Unfortunately we live in a world where being altruistic can expose you to extreme danger.

It is unlikely that the OP's case is that extreme, but it may not be purely benign either.

I'd back out on assistance and say after giving it more thought, your DD can't spare the time. I think the initial request was inappropriate. A 9 year old should not be responsible for the academic success of a peer. Answering a few quick questions on an ad hoc basis? Maybe if you're both on board. But for a potentially ongoing relationship, other more appropriate resources, like the teacher, have a legitimate duty to the underperforming student.

There are a number of reasons why I think the request was inappropriate:

1. Work/favours are being marketed as a social/play opportunity, which they aren't. That's a manipulative play with your daughter's emotions.

2. Information asymmetry-- you don't know the source or extent of the child's need for assistance. What if the child has a LD? Your DD is in no way qualified to address that and could cause more harm than good.

3. Knowing the socioeconomics of your neighborhood, I'm going to infer that the child's parents can do elementary level math, which begs the question of why they aren't stepping up to the plate. Are these the kind of people who share your values? If not, why begin a relationship with them? They should have approached the teacher to explore the option of peer tutoring first, and had the teacher facilitate.

4. If your daughter is being called in to do work, they should at least offer to pay her. That they aren't makes me agree with 22B that the parents are being exploitative.

5. Perhaps most importantly, your DD's time. She only had one free day, and now it's going to be spent working. I think the value of free time is underestimated.

Well for point 3 I would suspect the parents learnt a very different way to the way the child is being taught now and they are confused. As for the rest I don't know. Do the first thing and take it from there. I remember losing maths at one point and it turned out to be I was looking for meaning where there wasn't any.

Thank you everyone. This was very helpful.
I wrote an email to the teacher and asked for her input. I mentioned that DD's mind rushes and she may not be up for the task of trying to explain math well and it could be a negative outcome.

I also talked to DD and explained this was not a playdate. They would have an hour only because the girl had ballet and they were expected to work on math the whole time.

BTW, this talk happened after I picked her up from the school bus and we were walking the dog on the beach on a beautiful day, so she had to balance the idea of sitting and helping someone with math instead.

I suggested that she try and do some tutoring on Mon during school and see how that went and then she could decide about Tues.

Then, I just get this email from the parent asking if Sunday plans change could we fit in a session? We have a playdate tomorrow starting at 12:30, for the afternoon and then we have a dinner party and Sunday she has a horse back riding lesson plus we have to hit Costco and then we see the Chinese tutor. Not fitting this in. I am not close to being altruistic to fit it in. And we have to walk the dog along the beach for an hour or so. Sorry but I got irked by the email and regretting agreeing to one session.

Anyway, I think between the Monday at school attempt and the teacher interceding, I have a feeling it won't be happening.

Again, thanks. input was excellent.

Sounds like the right decision to me, Wren. Glad that you're enlisting the teacher's help.

I find it an amusing coincidence that DS8 now just happens to be reading about Phylum Porifera.