Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy help me get centered for next meeting

quote=DeeDee]I'd probably make a list ahead of time of all the things that YOU think are working well, and why. As well as any needs that are not being met. [/quote]

I think the idea of putting together a list of what you see as working well is really key, particularly if you feel they are trying to push you out of partial homeschooling.


Do you think there might be any other reasons too? I always like to think through all the possible concerns, and then come up with my response to that: either why I don't see it as a concern or be able to show the concern isn't really "real", or be able to show that even though it's real and it's a concern, it still is less important than the overall goal of meeting your ds' needs. In your case, I can see that the school might be worried that other parents will find out about your ds' arrangement as being something school staff may not want to happen, but I am wondering if there might not be some other things going on too. For instance, in our school district, a student who isn't enrolled full-time doesn't count as a full-time student for state funding, so the school would be losing $ by not having a student enrolled full time. Another possibility is just dealing with not having him there all day when schedules flux for some reason that is out-of-the-ordinary. Perhaps the principal is getting pressure from someone above him in the district saying "we don't do this" or maybe your ds' teacher is not happy about the arrangement. I'm probably an over-preparer but I'd think through and have an answer in response to all of the situations I could think of that they might have an issue with, and I'd write down my answers just in case I got caught up in stress during the meeting and forgot something I wanted to say. I tend to go into meetings with lots of notes and work examples etc - and I don't usually have to refer to any of it, but it helps me feel confident going into the meeting feeling like I have those things to rely on if I do get nervous or frustrated.

If you walk into the meeting and are presented with a long list of concerns that you haven't anticipated and don't know how to reply to at the time, it's ok to walk out. We were advised to do this during our IEP eligibility process by our advocate. You can do it without being confrontational - simply say, "This is a lot of information to think through. We are going to stop this meeting now and we will schedule a meeting at a later date after we've had a chance to review the meeting."



I think I would have a plan in my back pocket re how the school can meet his needs if they are asking you to drop partial homeschooling. Note - I doubt they can make a plan work, but I think it's not a bad idea to lay out on the table (once again) a reminder of what your ds needs if he is going to return to full-time enrollment. Be sure you have data to back up those needs (test scores, evals, work samples, homeschool records etc).



OK, I'm going to play the devil's advocate for a minute here and ask "If he's PG, why isn't he getting better scores on his work?" I ask myself questions like that, and then figure out the answer. I think it's important to try to go into this type of meeting with an open mind. Even though the school has an agenda, they may also have some valuable information for you about your ds and how he's functioning in school. If he's getting answers wrong on worksheets, I'd want to know how often (infrequently, randomly, consistently), how is he doing on tests, is he engaged when he is working in class? What is it like when he does his homework (I'm guessing this happened in math, since that's the core subject he's at school for?).


This would *really* bother me to have the school staff say this to me. I would respond with the honest truth - that I was insulted and that we need to keep the focus of the meeting on my ds' needs.

I also would strongly consider asking if you could record the meetings. Tell them it's for your notes. And check to see what the law is in your state re recording school meetings. The reason I'd record is simple - I suspect it will shut down any talk that may be bullying on the part of the school staff.


What do you show the school to prove your ds is making adequate progress at home? What type of things does your school district expect you to keep as a record of progress?


Well, he's doing a different subject at school than at home, right? So if he's having trouble completing worksheets in that one subject correctly (the school subject) you need to address that issue as one issue, in and of itself, not connected to his partial homeschooling - unless they can prove a connection such as he's missing instruction because they change the time of day when they give the instruction and he's not there.

The challenge for you, I think, is if he's not performing well at school in his one academic subject, you're going to have to prove without a doubt that he's receiving good instruction at home and making good progress.


Which tests are you basing this on? Was it a comprehensive achievement test used by your school for all kids (such as MAP or ITBS?) or was it ability/achievement through a psych? The reason I ask is - we've found very little buy-in from school staff on ability testing as a reason to do anything in terms of acceleration. The proof of need for acceleration that's been easiest for us to have accepted is achievement on either grade level or out-of-grade level tests or end-of-year tests in the subject that are given routinely by the school district to all students. As you get farther up in math, you also have to be able to show you've successfully completed the previous year's course (this is once you're above elementary level math).

Good luck with your meeting!

polarbear

Fantastic polarbear! This is all wonderful!

"What do you show the school to prove your ds is making adequate progress at home? What type of things does your school district expect you to keep as a record of progress?"

In our state, I am required to show NOTHING to the school about progress at home. In fact, I don't even have to answer their questions. The burden is 100% on the school to demonstrate that I am failing at homeschooling. And failure, in my state, means that I am educating my son at a standard below the school's standard. So, the school is completely aware that they can't really do anything here. And of course, the standard at home is way above the standard at school, so there is nothing for them to attack.

In thinking about all the possibilities, I think that the principal and some of the teachers may feel embarrassed. They are always speaking to parents about how individualized their education is and how wonderful it is. And here I am pulling my son out of school everyday because it's none of those things. And the staff has been really good about convincing other parents that things are really great at school. Other parents who weren't satisfied have left. But I am a source of embarrassment for them because I'm still there and I'm a reminder every day that what they are doing isn't working.

I will think some more about this. Thanks!

Be dismissive of their "evidence". It doesn't prove anything anyway.

I agree...record the meeting.

Shut down the bullying.

It is truly amazing how once the recorder is on the table the tone can change.

I keep thinking about recording our IEP meetings. It's not even for any other reason really except to remember and keep track of what's been discussed, who feels how etc. I do wonder if it would stop some of the more offensive statements (such as "accommodating ds's disability is short-changing him" and "DS knows if he says he's bored everyone jumps"). But really it's all such a whirl and such I'd really love to record to just keep track of things and follow up etc. but on the one hand while advocates and experts encourage recording, others warn it'll offend the school, make them angry and defensive, etc. so I was thinking of recording it on the sly, just for my own use to keep track.

What are others experience with recording these mtgs? Should op really record her meeting?

Definitely do NOT record on the sly: that is illegal in many states. Most places in the US you need to inform people you are recording the conversation and get permission.

For a while it was absolutely necessary that we record every meeting. It really did instantly change the tone people used to speak to us. For the better.

My procedure:
--unpack papers etc. for meeting, place recorder on table

--as meeting is starting, say "I hope it's OK with everyone if I record... it's so hard to think and take notes at the same time." (your "whirl" comment is good.)

--district representative then says "You can record, as long as if the recording is needed later, we can have a copy"

--I say "of course, no problem" and we start the meeting.

In a contentious situation, we have found this a very valuable tool, both for making people conscious of what they say to us in the meeting (insults, implied or stated, go away) and giving us a clear record of what school personnel are offering or refusing to do for our child.

We have never needed to deploy the recording as evidence, but the recording was useful in keeping us out of court at various points. If you collect the right evidence, you are more likely to be able to resolve the situation without resorting to due process proceedings or worse.

If you record the meeting. The school has the right (and really should) record the meeting...so they have a copy too.

somewhereonearth, is this an optional or charter school, or is it your neighborhood school? I'm not sure that makes a difference, but I'm just curious

I was also thinking about focus of the meeting a bit more - if the school's purpose in holding the meeting is to tell you they don't want your ds homeschooled, I am not sure that info about how he's performing how he *is* in their school is relevant, so in the meeting, I'd be very specific when things are brought up in terms of asking for clarity what the purpose of each talking point is - for instance, if they produce worksheets that aren't 100% correct, acknowledge what they have shown you and then clarify - what is the reason this is being discussed? Is there a concern that ds needs more help with his classwork? Is there a concern with class placement etc. None of that has anything to do with the homeschool part of his day. If they attempt to tie it into an argument against your current partial homeschooling situation, politely direct them back on track - ask them to tackle one discussion at a time, finish up the worksheet issue and they you can move on to their concerns about homeschooling (where once again, be sure they aren't mixing up unrelated issues as proof it's not working). It's so easy for meetings like this to boomerang all over the place as people start talking - so it's really important to just keep yourself nudging them back OT, one thing at a time, and don't let them confusion unrelated issues.


This is the same in our state too, but I think in this situation, if you are confronted with statements suggesting your partial homeschooling isn't working out satisfactorily in terms of anything *you* are doing, then it would be potentially helpful in advocating to show them proof of what your ds has learned and accomplished at home.

Best wishes for your meeting!

polarbear