Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Elementary School DD too sensitive for animated kids movies.

Over the past year we've tried to introduce animated kids movies, such as Toy Story, to DD4. These movies all tend to follow a similar arc - the main character has to overcome a great set back or triumphs over being an outcast and at the end he realizes how truly strong/great he always was and regains his self confidence. You know the typical story.

When watching these movies DD feels so upset for the plight of the characters that she sobs uncontrollably and will not stop. She is extremely empathetic and feels bad that they are being mistreated or for how Woody feels. We usually stop watching because she's too upset about what is happening.

With the holidays here there are a lot of animated specials where characters "discover the meaning of Christmas" that involve similar plot lines. Most of the other kids we know are currently watching these movies along with all of the other animated Disney princess movies - which DD finds either upsetting or boring.

Is this something that anyone has gone through? How can I help her learn to gain some control over feeling like this? I know she logically understands the story line but when it's happing it's too much for her. I remember having a lot of intense feelings like this as a kid but I don't think it was to this extent.

It's not a priority that we watch these movies. I just want to help her be able to have some coping mechanism for her emotions. For now we are sticking with watching "How it's Made" on Discovery or "Food Factory" on food network and other kids science shows. I wonder if they have Christmas specials...
Thanks!

You are describing my dd4! We haven't finished watching any movies with her because of the exact same reason. She completely understands that the story is going to end happy but as soon as a "bad thing happens or the bad person makes his/her entry, tears start rolling. One time she bawled watching an innocuous Mickey Mouse cartoon where a character is falsely accused of some petty mischief. In fact, i cant even read many books to her due to the same reason. we are back to watching pbs kids and reading mostly picture books. One thing that has helped us is to fast forward all the bad parts and watch only the good parts. At least that way we get to the end. Sometimes, if the bad scenes are short, we ask her to hide behind our backs as we narrate a milder and abridged summary of the scenes so she has continuity. I am hoping as she grows older she will still have empathy but also have the mental maturity to handle these. I will wait till she gets to the point.

That sounds like one of our neighbors. The parents had to leave Finding Nemo because she was in tears. She was probably five years old.

I assume that she is past that now. We don't see her that much, but she seems like a normal 10th grader. It will get better (and likely long before 10th grade). My kid who is also in 10th was always one to watch, read and write dark stuff, so she didn't understand this kid at all. However, I now understand why the Common Sense website says that The Lion King is for kids six and up - some kids are sensitive. As long as this stage doesn't last beyond seven or so, I think it is normal.

I don't have lots of time, but wanted to respond. There are a couple of threads in the past where people discuss their different approaches to this issue.

First, I would say this is not a rare problem, at least on this board. We opted to avoid movies like this until the kids were comfortable handling their emotions (basically, by that point, they had no interest in watching this type of movie anyway). The only downside we saw was a relative cultural gap- as you mentioned, it seems like every other kid in the world lives and breathes Disney. I the end, it didn't matter. The kids still don't know the plot lines of basic Disney films, but it doesn't hold them back (though it is funny now that their middle school is putting on Disney-themed musicals and our kids are a bit in the dark). If it really mattered, the kids seemed to handle books/written material somewhat better, but we didn't really care and let them take the lead on what was comfortable for them- it's entertainment, after all. I guess the only other issue was when visiting others, or at a party where a group movie was planned; sometimes we left early, sometimes the host/relatives got the message and chose something else to do, but it wasn't a huge deal.

The second problem is finding things they do want to watch, and it seems like you have a handle on this already. We also watched science and non-fiction a lot. The library had tons of good animal videos (we watched a lot of National Geographic, for instance). As far as holiday-themed things, the only two I remember being well-loved in our house at that age are "the Snowman" and "the Bear." Both are animated, gentle, without dialogue, and with lovely music. The kids still remember them fondly. They also watched a movie called "Milo and Otis" often; not holiday-themed or animated, but a gentle animal adventure about a cat and dog.

Both kids are Ok with movies their peers enjoy at this point; DD 13 actually likes scary movies (DS11 not so much, even Men in Black bothers him, but he is a particularly gentle soul; he does read more "violent" stuff without issue though). I think they needed to feel in control of their emotional reactions and when little, their very strong reactions to things were frightening.

Our DS has always been sensitive to movies, and some books as well. We even had to stop reading the "Life of Fred" math book series for a few months after all of Fred's money was stolen.

It is getting a little better with time (he is now 7). He still gets a little emotional, but will continue to watch. The three things that have helped are (1) I have to watch the movie first to make sure everything is okay at the end; (2) Sometimes he watches the first 10 minutes of a movie, then the last 10 minutes, then he can go back and watch the middle; and (3) talking about how movie makers try to make the viewers feel sad/scared/nervous and why.

We were at the live Nemo production at Disney - beautiful, broadway level production, the lights go down, bubbles come out, then, you hear my then 3 year old DS, where's the mommy, where did the mommy go!!!! He was inconsolable, it was awful.

He would get extremely stressed down during movies - like monsters inc - toy story, could do pbs cartoons. But he never got troubled by all the books that started with dead parents, but did have trouble when parent or cared about person dies in middle. He explained it to me at 5 as that in books he can skip ahead, what he really couldn't tolerate was the pacing of movies and that he had no way of knowing all would work out. Now at almost 8 he watched the Incredibles and had no trouble with the torture scene but flipped out at the end of the phineas and ferb movie where perry is watching the pictures of his family he is not supposed to have. Oh and we just saw his first in the theater movie - despicable me 2 this summer.

We went with the theory that his childhood would not be stunted if he didn't see the movies, and he was never asking to see them either. We read the Star Wars books first because he wanted to see those movies and doing that helped. There is really no harm in waiting and I think it does get more tolerable for them. At least it did for mine.

DeHe

It is family legend that my brother and I had to be carried screaming out of the theater ten minutes into our first movie - 101 Dalmatians. (They were going to make coats out of the puppies!) We didn't get to see another movie in the theater for several years, and this was before VCRs, so we just didn't get to see movies. We both turned out fine.

totally agree with DeHe - no harm in waiting!

but... if you can get hold of a book that tells the story and read it first, that might help. of course, this is how we wound up with a kid who had watched (and LOVED) all 8 HP movies multiple times before the age of 5 - yet still gets very emotional about Miss Piggy physically and psychologically abusing Kermit.

My child was inconsolable and heartbroken and sobbing at 5 when his grandparents took him to watch the Disney movie "Brave" for the first time in a theater - after a point, he got up and started walking in the dark towards the exit sign by himself because the bad guy (a bear) was being "rude, hurtful and abusive" to the mother bear in the movie. He has always been ultra sensitive - he cried when trains had accidents in his favorite Thomas the tank engine DVDs when he was 2 and 3. We don't do movies. We don't do screen time at all at our house. Our pediatrician told us that his insomnia was related to too much stimulation and emotional stress from watching any kind of video/screen based content - so out went all TV shows and movies.
We are OK with the so called "cultural gap" - he is a misfit amongst his Disney driven friends - but he also does not fit in with his buddies who watch violent cartoons either.
What we tell ourselves is that he has a whole different set of experiences in life that his friends who watch movies and TV shows do not experience - we do a lot of outdoorsy activities and field trips instead of movies.
And we take DS to Disneyland to see the characters he knows nothing about - but it is all good because he enjoys the rides and the excitement of meeting the characters - his favorite was Winnie the Pooh and Piglet last year!

Ds6 is scared of things that most kids aren't - although he isn't upset by the troll in Dora. But unlike most of you I don't think most of the Disney movies are that suitable for little kids. A friend of ds6 brought the incredibles to a sleepover and even if ds6 had been coping I would have turned it off after 10 minutes, finding Nemo is more suited to 10 and up imo. My kids do have a gap in they have never been to the movies but I am ok with that and if they want to talk to their friends about movies we can always get a book.