Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy No differentiation--what do you tell your child?

A couple weeks ago I volunteered in DS's first grade class. The teacher put me at a "station" where I was supposed to give the kids cards and little ziploc baggies of words. So on the cards in one column was "_ _ g" and in another column "g _ _ " and the kids had to arrange their words like "dog" or "tag" or "got" into the correct column and then read the lists of words to me. There was an entire file box of cards. When a kid completes one they go onto the next one...not necessarily harder, just with different letters/sounds. This was a ridiculous task for about half of the children in the classroom. The other half of the kids had problems reading the words and I had to help them, leaving the other kids to sit there bored and whining about being done with their cards. My own DS was so unengaged, he just sat there and fiddled with his words--didn't even try to arrange them. The teacher did not have the kids ability-grouped at all, which I thought was dumb. If they are going to rotate through stations why not ability-group them and give each group work at the right level? Instead, everyone does the same work. At one station, DS was allowed to read on his own for 15 minutes and he read the huge "Earth and Space" book I sent in for him (he says he reads this every day). That was the only time where he was doing appropriate work.
I have mentioned over and over again about DS needing advanced work to the teacher, going so far as to say "I trust you to figure out a way to get him working at the right level." I can't imagine saying anything else without the relationship becoming negative. I'm sure she knows how I feel, but she simply does not get it and isn't going to change her methods.

But what do I say to DS? Particularly for some of the station activities that are way too easy? Do I tell him to not worry about it and he can take a break, he already knows how to do that stuff? Tell him he needs to follow the teacher's directions and do it anyway? I don't want him to get a mindset that he doesn't need to do what the teacher says (esp. since he is on the lazy end of things), but I also think some of the activities are completely useless and a waste of time. For homework she is sending home 5+2 stuff, knowing that it is way too easy but says she wants him to work on his handwriting. So by the time DS does that, he is tired of writing (he most likely has dysgraphia) and he does not want to do the Singapore math workbook (2 grade levels ahead) I bought for him. I feel like telling him to skip the 5+2 math even though the teacher wants it done, and just do the Singapore math.
I expect this is going to be a continuing theme with every class/teacher and I'm wondering how other people deal with it.

Over the long haul it isn't really sustainable, honestly.

So people around here seem to figure out ways to get away from it-- and that involves a LOT of different strategies:

a) homeschooling
b) afterschooling (but, as you're seeing already, that comes at the price of free time that they'd otherwise have, which eventually strikes many parents as painfully unfair)
c) different school placement
d) other, even more creative solutions.

If HowlerKarma's response was a multiple choice question, I would pick e) all of the above. We've done all of these approaches. Homeschooling is the best option for meeting a child's academic needs, but there is a huge time cost for the parental unit who does the teaching. Plus, there can be other tradeoffs, like lack of interaction with other kids.

This year, I'm afterschooling my two younger kids in math. I did this with my eldest for many years. They both hate the school math program so much, the afterschooling is actually a relief for them. They have the same math teacher and there is a long thread about her on this forum (search for my name in the advanced search box and look for "advice needed" "very difficult teacher" ~1-2 months ago).

My kids are a bit older than yours (9 and 11). I've told them the truth, which is that the teacher is wrong in certain ways. In fact, before I told them, they knew something wasn't right and hearing it said out loud by someone they trust has been a huge help for them. One of them was blaming himself for having trouble in her class and both were losing ground mathematically. I also tell them to be respectful of the teacher and to get through her class as best they can. I've made this clear to them.

If your child is at a public school, the teacher is probably stressed about NCLB and test scores, which is what's driving her focus on the low achievers.

With a younger child, one possibility might be to tell him that the teacher has a lot of kids in her class and she's doing her best. Personally, even if I don't tell my kids the whole truth, I make sure I tell them something that isn't contradictory. So in this case, maybe (maybe) something along the lines of "teacher has to pay more attention to the kids who are having trouble. All the other teachers in America have to do the same thing." (This is just an idea to help you think.)

I'm very skeptical about teachers at this point. Your son's teacher knows that some of the kids in her class aren't learning from those flash cards. While NCLB may force teachers to pay more attention to struggling students, it doesn't forbid them from giving advanced students a different set of flashcards. She presumably knows this and chooses to do what she does for her own reasons. Maybe you could volunteer to give the advanced students harder work/different flash cards, and maybe she'd think that's a great idea. But don't be surprised if she doesn't. I don't know why. Maybe she doesn't want to have kids working at different levels. Who knows? I just know that this is how these things work.

The fundamental philosophies of education in this country are broken, and this problem drives everything else. Smart people simply do not generally go into K-8 teaching, and most of the few that do leave. Their SAT, GRE and (especially) Miller Analogies scores back up this statement. One result is situations that are damaging for bright kids. High school teachers are better, but the high schools run on the same broken system.

Thinking locally, some have said that teachers may not "get" it, others have heard teachers question what children will learn next year if they are accelerated in the curriculum, others report that some teachers are tasked with ensuring that kids even out by third grade.

Thinking nationally, some have shared that these practices are planned to achieve equity, with equal outcomes for all. It comes at a high price to those who could achieve more.

Thinking globally, many have observed a widespread pattern in which children are seemingly being taught to be mere cogs in a wheel, to place acquiescence to the system over consideration of one's own aptitudes and appetites for knowledge and the benefits which they as accomplished individuals may uniquely provide to society in the future. Some have said the pressure toward getting children to function in a uniform fashion is related to the large national debt and projections of the USA declining in the world economy while other countries become more powerful. Some who have come to the USA from other lands have shared stories of seeing changes in the USA which may signal we are on the path to becoming the type of system they have escaped from or left behind.

Thinking locally, might teacher be working to ensure that kids even out by third grade?

Thinking nationally or globally, might the teacher/school/district believe that squelching the learning of the kids at the top IS the right level, insomuch as it furthers a possible goal of uniform outcomes for all kids?

Regarding his present situation, might he enjoy privately observing and analyzing the situation throughout the day...? A simple explanation may be to use the analogy of a game... some games are cooperative (everyone wins together)... some are competitive (one person or one team wins). Possibly DS may wish to consider which activities during the day match each of these different models? Kids may be very observant of which individuals are working together cooperatively, competitively, or at crossed-purposes in most situations, and how this may change or polarize when others are present. Some kids can quickly tell who is supposed to be the boss, who really is in charge, and who takes over when that person is not around. Some kids can easily describe what things a person said and did which indicated their leadership or place in the pecking order.

Regarding how his educational experiences, and those of other gifted kids, may fit into the grand scheme of things... some kids want the pure truth of any matter and any attempt at sugar-coating may result in less trust toward the parents. You know your kids best. You will know how much of world history and societies, current events, and the economy to share.

Meanwhile another poster gave great advice in summarizing options I would add that parents may wish to look into their local homeschooling laws and stay abreast of any proposed changes which may limit parental authority and autonomy in this area (making homeschooling illegal or increasing regulation/reporting, etc). Maintaining the option to homeschool is key to having that option available when a family may need it, and such need may arise quickly when a school situation deteriorates or the child begins deteriorating.

+1. I value this approach in helping children see things through the other person's point of view, acquainting children with the constraints within which others must operate. This is a skill which may serve children well throughout their lives. Understanding the opposition's view may help engage in thinking which creatively overcomes objections and proposes a possible win-win solution.

I am sorry, blackcat, but it looks like you need to come up with creative solutions if you plan to stay with this school.
If the teacher is not doing any meaningful differentiation, then there is not much you can do about it without straining the relationship.
If you are an active volunteer, you can ask the teacher if you could take the gifted children (you could call them "advanced" if you like) aside and work with them on challenging content - like difficult spelling, advanced math, reading groups etc.
Last year, my son's teacher always claimed to differentiate, but nothing seemed to happen. She said that she could handle the differentiation when I suggested that I bring it up with the administration, but then, she was always looking tired, worn out, disorganized, hassled and trying to keep on top of things because she had a mixed class of K/1st graders and the effort to differentiate seemed too much.
I put my foot down firmly once and she conceded that she had no time (I read that as unwilling?) to put in the extra effort to create special curriculum/worksheets. So, she allowed me to make my own work packets at my son's level and send it in his backpack every day (it is another story that this strategy failed). See if this method works for you.

Another easy differentiation was to allow my son to attend "library reading time" with the librarian with a higher grade and permission to check out higher grade level books.

And they differentiated a lot in the Tech Lab time too (I was an active volunteer there and took my son aside in the lab and taught him independently).

As for the unchallenging homework - our policy has beeen to do it irrespective of how easy or "silly" it was. The idea was to teach my child to do all his tasks and not to pick and choose what he can do - we all do pointless tasks daily whether we like it or not. What we found was that this kind of homework, when done before afterschool activities, gets done very quickly -
Me: "Son, the sooner you finish your math homework, the sooner you can head out to Karate class."
DS: "Sure thing!" (where otherwise it would take a whole lot of whining. You can insert your son's favorite activity here)

As for the SM afterschooling, I gave up on asking DS to work on it after a long day in school (he has problems with writing too) and it takes forever to get even one page done in a day. So, my creative solution to this is: he works through the problems verbally and I scribe for him. This way, we get 4-5 pages done in one sitting while I can correct him as he goes and we review concepts while doing work. We have gone through one whole level of SM books (including IP and CWP) this way.

As for telling my son - I told him that the teacher had rules that she had to follow a certain curriculum and also that in a group setting, we have to all wait for others to catch up. But, we could always advance while afterschooling.
Good luck.

blackcat, I'll second the concerns that the issue here isn't really what to say to your ds but rather how do you get him placed appropriately or how do you get him appropriately challenging work?

I'll also add - I've heard for years from my friends, each of their kids is going to have one not-so-great teacher during their school career. It's possible you've landed there early.


Please know, this is just me, but this is what we've told our kids in these situations. They need to do the work even if it's mind-numbingly boring and way too easy. That's a part of being at school, you do the work you are asked to do (that's also a part of life after school). This is *not* the same as me saying as a parent - you do this, it's too easy, and I don't care. I *absolutely* care, and I show that by advocating for more appropriately challenging work. I also ask my children, what is easy about the work, what would you rather do or learn, can you think of a way to make it more challenging. But I also think it's important for them to do it for two reasons: first, it's ok for them to understand that they are smarter than what's being taught, but it's not ok for them to think they are allowed to get around work because of it. They still need to respect the teacher and do what he/she says (while in the background their parents do their best to help get them appropriately challenged). Second reason - if they aren't doing the work, the teacher can always come back at you and say your child can't advance farther etc until they've done the work and shown mastery, or a teacher might turn the situation around and try to say it's evidence of a behavior issue. So we tell our kids - the way to get past this is to work through it.


I can't remember - do you have an evaluation scheduled for your ds? If you think he's dysgraphic, the absolutely best thing you can do right now is to have him evaluated and either get a diagnosis or rule out the diagnosis. Once he has the official diagnosis, you can request accommodations - and for a dysgraphic student, it's so very important to both separate out the writing from other types of assignments, as well as making sure your ds isn't being forced to practice handwriting skills in a way that is ultimately useless due to his dysgraphia. Instead you need to be moving forward planning how to accommodate.


Has he actually asked to be after-schooled in math? Some kids just really aren't up for it, and no matter how inappropriate his current math level is at school I wouldn't worry about pushing the after-school math if it's not something he's genuinely interested in and excited about.


FWIW, even though I mentioned above that I would tell my kids to complete the classwork they are asked to do in class, I didn't worry if they didn't do the work sent home in their early years of elementary school, especially if it was work I knew they knew how to do. I didn't make a big deal about it with the teacher - didn't tell the teacher we weren't doing it because it was too easy, I just let my kids not do it *IF* they seemed tired, frustrated, annoyed about it etc. If they weren't fighting doing it, I had them complete it even if it was way below the level they were capable of. If it's all truly too easy, and if your child is really interested and wants to after-school and is asking for it, I can't see that doing the extra easy homework from school would be so tiring he wouldn't want to do the Singapore math. I'm guessing there's something more going on here - either dysgraphia or possibly lack of interest in doing extra math or maybe it's the Singapore method or workbook or whatever. I'm not personally familiar with Singapore, but having three different children I have seen three completely different personalities re what method my kids like to use to learn math.


We've seen advocating as a continuing theme, but I would set myself up early on expecting that work below my child's level at school *had* to be a continuing theme. I'd do what I can to research all my options for schooling. And with your ds, since you suspect dysgraphia, I'd get an eval so I had good hard data and knew for sure if it is or isn't an issue.

Good luck!

polarbear

Thanks for all the input so far. I agree on telling him the teacher is trying her best and has kids at all different levels. DS isn't complaining about anything, but he has never been the type to complain. He likes going to school to be with the other kids. I know he really likes gym, music, some of the science lessons. He likes being in the "Minecraft Club" that he set up (with kids who have no idea how to play Minecraft LOL). In terms of social skills, he has made a lot of progress. Last year for several months he resisted going to school and this year he says school is "just fine". It took him forever to make friends last year, but this year he acts like a social butterfly and is a totally different child. School has helped him to gain a lot of social skills. So I can't see homeschooling. I also can't see transferring schools in the middle of the year, because he is reserved and that would probably send him backwards about 10 steps socially. I guess I need to figure out how much to push "listen to your teacher" or let it go if he slacks off. If he doesn't feel like arranging words like "dog" into a column, I don't blame him. I wouldn't want to do it either. I feel like letting ALL of the high-ability kids slack off and telling them that I will check the units off on the checklist and it's Ok if they don't feel like doing it. But of course I won't do that because it gives a totally wrong message. I'm on the schedule twice per month. I go back tomorrow and I'm dreading it. DD's first grade teacher did not do things the same way at all in terms of the literacy/reading block.

With the 5+2 math homework, his teacher said that she is sending it home because he doesn't have time to finish it in class and it's "not fair to him" (she has the kids do the front side of the math sheet in the morning before the bell rings, and take the back side home as homework, but DS wasn't even finishing the front side). I must have looked confused by the "it's not fair to him" remark, because she then said that she needs a record of his handwriting for his IEP to show what progress he is making, and if he is rushed in the morning and not finishing, that is not a fair record. Well, why can't she use his journal or just about anything else as a record? I think she just wants him to do the first grade math curriculum (and it's not fair if we make him do harder work!), but that really does not make sense because according to the out of level testing she did (which I asked her to do) he has already mastered the second grade curriculum so is at least two grades ahead. I'm debating sending in a note saying that she can use the Singapore Math and any other work he's doing in class as a "record", and I will not be having him do first grade math at home anymore.

this is a good idea. I had to do this a couple days ago because he simply refused to do it. I wrote on the sheet that I scribed for him so that the teacher wouldn't think it was his handwriting (I have been telling DS the "Singapore Math" is his homework along with the other sheet, even though that really is not the case).

polarbear, he clearly has severe fine motor issues related to DCD so I don't think having an official "dysgraphia" diagnosis would necessarily help. He loves math, but hates the writing. I think from now on when he starts fighting it I'll offer to scribe for him.

Edited to add, they are evaluating him, but he will most likely get services through the DCD (and being physically impaired), not dysgraphia. Not sure if they are even assessing him for that specifically. I have mentioned it to them several times.

blackcat, I am sorry - I forgot that your ds has DCD (I am sure I have old-age memory challenges lol!). You should be able to go to his teacher *today* and request that he not be required to use math problems to practice handwriting. Dysgraphia is a *word* - the important thing is that he has fine motor challenges related to his DCD. One nuance you'll need to determine is - if it's dysgraphia, practicing handwriting isn't going to lead to long-term handwriting "fluency" - but if it's a fine motor issue that's remedial practicing handwriting can help potentially. The key is, if it's the case that remediation can help, your ds needs to have meaningful planned remediation - it's not something the teacher should be deciding to do via extra math practice

polarbear

No problem--my post wasn't clear.

She is saying she needs it done to show a record for his IEP (which I think is a bogus excuse). There are so many other things she could use, like his journal and any other writing activities in class. His math worksheets actually look pretty good in comparison to the other things he writes (like sentences).

This just seems like a great way to get DS to hate math, if it is way below his level and she is doing it just to get him to work on handwriting (or show a record of his handwriting).

Honestly, this doesn't sound like a good way to assess handwriting progress - it just doesn't make any kind of sense to me.... to assess handwriting progress you'd want a time-controlled writing sample that includes opportunities to evaluate spacing, upper-vs-lower case, letter formation, pencil grip and pressure on paper, spelling etc. I don't see how using writing examples from his math homework can be used for that... but hey.. maybe it's like word problems on steroids? For first graders???? (sorry for the sarcasm lol).


Does he already have an IEP and she's saying she's using this for measuring how well he's meeting IEP goals? If that's the case, I'd call an emergency IEP meeting and request that math worksheets not be used for a handwriting exercise or assessment tool. I'd also ask for clarity on handwriting improvement expectations - is it reasonable to expect improvement? Do you see signs of frustration with written assignments outside of the math that's sent home?

And I can't remember - has your ds had an outside eval? It sounds like it's going to be important to tease out specifically if this is dysgraphia, if you're dealing with having handwriting goals included in an IEP. I'd want to be sure they are appropriate and not reaching for something that's not realistic as an expectation, and I'd also want (if it is dysgraphia) to get accommodations in place for scribing/keyboarding/etc.

polarbear

ps - I was posting at the same time you were! Sorry if I asked anything that you had already answered in your reply!!

He has an IEP for speech at the moment and they are currently in the process of assessing him as "physically impaired". I think they are expecting that they will write the IEP (after I made a huge fuss and complained to the State, Special Ed director, etc). The next meeting is on the 19th when they will go through all the testing results.
The neuropsych diagnosed him with DCD but did not mention dysgraphia. When I mentioned dysgraphia to him later he just said that he doesn't think DS would qualify for services with a dysgraphia diagnosis. DS has another appt. tomorrow so I can ask about it again. I may also ask him to do the Pegboard test again so we can see if it's better. We didn't know if the awful results he had in May were due to the TBI and skull fractures or to the DCD.
I'm not sure if the school even knows what dysgraphia is. If it is dysgraphia, how would services/treatment be the same or different than if it's just a fine motor coordination issue?

He doesn't have homework other than math, but I'm sure he would fight me if I asked him to write more than a few sentences. I do try to work on Handwriting without Tears with him at home and he clearly does not enjoy it. He is getting private OT but they hardly work on handwriting at all. I'm debating just stopping those services.

Yes, this.

I would be just as concerned about the fact that they don't seem to be doing very reliable data collection for the purposes of evaluation as I would the lack of differentiation.

It seems a fairly slipshod way of conducting data collection-- they don't control anything about the conditions under which the writing sample was completed, YK?

My ds does not have the words "dysgraphia" as a diagnosis on his neuropsych evals either, just DCD, as well as a paragraph included in the findings stating that he has impaired fine motor function and that handwriting is a major barrier to success at school and suggestions of appropriate accommodations for handwriting. If you have that in your neuropsych eval (words that show handwriting is a challenge and suggested accommodations) you can put those accommodations into your ds' IEP - even if the IEP is written for something else entirely. The key is - it's a disability, and it's preventing him from showing his knowledge. If he didn't have the IEP for speech but still had the handwriting challenge - if the school didn't feel he needed an IEP (services) you would request a 504 plan. When a student has an IEP (here) *all* the accommodations (for whatever legitimate reason) are included in the IEP regardless of what the IEP is written to specifically address.


What I see as the difference is in the ability to remediate. If the fine motor issue is due to brain trauma that can be remediated, then you'd want to remediate. If it's dysgraphia, you want to try to remediate *up to a certain point* but for most kids, dysgraphia is something that isn't going to go away. It might get better in some ways at certain points in time, but most children with dysgraphia will never be able to show the full extent of their knowledge with their handwriting, and it's important to give them access to accommodations in place of focusing solely on remediation.

This is what was recommended for our ds in 2nd grade when he was first diagnosed with DCD:

1) Try a period of intense remediation with HWOT right away - only to focus on teaching him proper letter formation. (What happened: he couldn't do it, too much wrist pain and frustration - so we let it go).

2) Handwriting OT starting right away to address posture, pencil grip, letter formation, legibility etc. DS went through 9 months of handwriting OT and he made what I call "surface" gains - he learned a correct pencil grip, corrected his posture while writing, overcame wrist and hand pain while writing, and his legibility improved tremendously (he also no longer had uneven pencil pressure and crumpled up papers). What he *didn't* gain through OT is more subtle - his handwriting speed was still incredibly slow. The effort it took to produce handwriting still soaked up all of his working memory so there was nothing left over to focus on correct spelling, capital letters etc. Proper letter formation didn't really stick, even though he knew what he was supposed to do. Those are challenges that aren't easily seen just by looking at a writing sample, but those are the key challenges of dysgraphia.

3) Have someone scribe at school and at home starting immediately. I scribed all of his homework until he was ready to start typing it. He had a scribing accommodation at school for 3rd grade and oral response accommodation for fluency tests in 4th-5th grade.

4) Start learning keyboarding as soon as he'd finished up his remediation with HWOT. We started keyboarding right away, and began advocating for it at school right away. He really *really* needed (and still does) access to keyboarding full-time at school and at home, and starting early was a good thing. Whether or not a child is dysgraphic, if they have a fine motor challenge impacting handwriting, I'd think it would be important to have a scribing/keyboarding accommodation in place early simply to avoid the frustration and limitations of the challenge. If it's not dysgraphia but something that can improve with remediation (or be "cured") then the keyboard accommodation will eventually go away, and if it's dysgraphia, you've laid the groundwork for your student to be successful long-term instead of suddenly trying to have them learn how to type and get used to an accommodation that requires "equipment" that makes them look different when they are farther along in school, older and more worried about how they are different from peers, and when the workload has increased at school.

I'm guessing that given your ds' circumstances you might not really know for a few years if it's dysgraphia or a potentially remediable (is that a word lol?) challenge with his handwriting, but you can work on the remediation and put accommodations in place at the same time.

Hope that makes sense!

polarbear

ps - also meant to mention - our neuropsych never used the word "dysgraphia" in either her report or in our post-testing parent review session when ds was first diagnosed. I found dysgraphia online when I was doing research after the actual eval, so I went back to her with that and a few other questions. When I asked her if his symptoms indicated dysgraphia she said absolutely - but it's not the terminology that is used among psychologists and it's not the terminology that's used by schools in identifying students with needs. I have a dd with a dyslexia diagnosis from a reading professional, but she's not recognized as dyslexic at school. The differences in terminology can be very confusing - but the key thing is that what's being done to help your child fits what's going on with symptoms and the root cause of the challenge.

HowlerKarma--I don't get it either--he doesn't have an IEP yet for handwriting issues so what is she trying to measure? Or just planning in advance, expecting that she will need handwriting samples eventually? All that the math homework entails in terms of writing is writing random numbers. She says that since it is "mindless" he can focus just on the writing.
I am saving all of his spelling tests from week to week to show no progress is being made. If she wanted a weekly "sample" she could be making copies of those. But she has so many other things, like his journals.

polarbear--Thanks for your thoughtful, helpful reply (as usual). I think I am torn in terms of accommodations because I fear if I scribe for him, or have him use a keyboard, it might slow him down in terms of learning how to write properly. If I knew that this is something that he's always going to struggle with, I wouldn't have a problem with it--but I'm just not sure. Right now, it seems like his handwriting is getting worse, not better, and I am very frustrated. Between trying to struggle with him on my own and dealing with an inept school (and even private OT services that don't seem effective!), I just don't know what to do.

In children with dysgraphia or other issues with writing that can not be "cured" (my DS has Ehlers Danlos and dysgraphia) sometimes you need to 'give up' on writing. Best thing we ever did is get scribes and have my son do keyboarding and do as much of his writing on the computer as possible. Best decision. He is so much happier, much more confident... Sometimes you need to stop spending so much time and energy to fix something that can not be fixed (it really gets demoralizing for the dysgraphic child) and simply remove the obstacle.

If he doesn't have dysgraphia having a scribe for now doesn't mean it will always have to be that way and that by allowing for it will mean he will necessarily be dependent forever.

DS was diagnosed with a processing speed LD and his IEP allows for scribing. When all of this happened last year I admit I was hesitant because I was worried we were giving up on writing too easily. However the frustration that he was experiencing was making him hate school which also wasn't something I wanted to set up for life either so I listened to the experts and we scribed most of his homework (which was pretty much all of the work he was supposed to do during the day but didn't). We scribed a lot last year but this year it has been happening less and less. He is still has messy writing and is slow but it holding him back as much as it used to and more importantly it has allowed him to relax. Scribing seemed to remove some of the pressure and then he was more willing to try to do some of it which allowed him to improve. Every kid is different but I just wanted to throw it out there that maybe what seems like less practice is better in some cases since it keeps the door open a bit. He was more willing to do it when he knew it was going to be short and then we were able to do it more often which in the end added up.

Not sure if my rambling made much sense but I just wanted to address your fear since I felt the same way. Hopefully you can find something that works for your situation.

Ok, I think what I will do is scribe all the Singapore Math, and that way he will keep progressing in math. He really likes math, it's just the writing that is a problem.

I am going to keep working on Handwriting Without Tears (or something else?...anyone have suggestions?) to try to get handwriting up to speed. If we stop the first grade math homework we would have more time for this. I just want to do maybe 10 minutes per day. If he continues to show no progress with writing, I will most likely give up, but keep trying to build motor coordination with other activities.

I think I will wait til his IEP meeting (or after) to talk about the first grade math. Right now the fact that the teacher is advocating for DS is probably the only reason that they are writing up an IEP. If she is mad at me--I don't know what will happen. I think we'll have to live with this til the meeting on the 19th.

ITA... plus I also think that it's ok even with things that *can* be fixed to let go of them for a time when they are causing a ton of frustration. Not being able to write at 6 doesn't mean he's not going to be able to write at 16 or at 26. (Unless of course it really is dysgraphia or some other physically limiting disability).

It also might help, next time you're at school, to take a look around at the other student's writing samples. Chances are that there are a lot of first grade writing samples that don't look all that great - we were still having a tough time in 4th grade convincing ds' teachers that he was dysgraphic simply because there were so many other totally neurotypical students who hadn't yet developed neat orderly legible penmanship. The difference was - they were improving with time and had the capability to keep improving without physical or neurological barriers. But if you looked just at writing samples, there were usually a few even worse looking than our ds'. These kids (ds' age) are all aging out of middle school now, and most of them have absolutely legible passable mostly very nice-looking handwriting

polarbear

Just getting around to reading this. Your experience was pretty much our experience last year. Yes, as others have said, the situation is not sustainable and will only get worse as your child continues to pull away from the others academically. If you have some time (meaning your child is not miserable at the moment) you can start exploring the various options.

Personally, I started with what others have done here...."the teacher has other students", "we need to learn patience", etc. But at some point, my son just stopped working. He refused to do any more math work. I told him that it was ok not to do it but he would have to experience whatever consequences his teacher would have for him. He said, "I don't care". (My DS is pretty easy going, but once he's hit that refusal wall, he is rather ballsy. I remember he said, "What is she going to do? Throw me out of class? And then what? Make me write things down?) Then I had an aha parenting moment and realized that I should absolutely support my son's civil disobedience. He was quietly but powerfully saying, this is not appropriate. And of course he was right. Other children at the other end of the spectrum get what is appropriate - why shouldn't he? Or at least something a little more appropriate. Thus began our advocacy saga.

Personally, I've had a huge change in attitude in what school is "supposed" to be about. (Mind you, I've worked in schools for several years, so I'm coming at this with professional eyes too.) The system has pretty much been set up from the start to shape students a la assembly line. If you don't fit in, you get tossed to the side or you just quietly get jammed through the line. That's not what I want for my children (or anyone's child actually). I would love to homeschool 100%, but DS wants to spend time with his friends some of the day, so we partially homeschool. I don't think schools are set up for ANY child outside the norm.

Thinking globally, many have observed a widespread pattern in which children are seemingly being taught to be mere cogs in a wheel, to place acquiescence to the system over consideration of one's own aptitudes and appetites for knowledge and the benefits which they as accomplished individuals may uniquely provide to society in the future. Some have said the pressure toward getting children to function in a uniform fashion is related to the large national debt and projections of the USA declining in the world economy while other countries become more powerful. Some who have come to the USA from other lands have shared stories of seeing changes in the USA which may signal we are on the path to becoming the type of system they have escaped from or left behind.

Indigo, I was so struck with your comments. I live in a very diverse community - like top 20 diverse communities in the US. Families are literally from every part of the globe. So many immigrant families cannot believe the extremely poor quality of public schools in the US. They also can't believe how much squelching of talent they see in the schools. So many of these parents remark that they came to the US for the schools (among other reasons of course), they came here for the individuality and creativity that they thought could be fostered in their children. But they find no evidence of it. They find the testing craze and the stifling of their children. And some of these families go back to their original countries! It's nuts!

Anyway, my solution to the inappropriate HW that DS is still given sometimes: I tell him that he has to do something. He can substitute the HW with something else more appropriate if he likes. (Mind you, we homeschool most subjects, so this doesn't happen often.) I think telling him that he should just go along with things when it's not right (being given work that is 3 years below him), is NOT RIGHT. He deserves to be educated appropriately - not every minute of every day. But most of the time.

I think part of the problem is that my DS is incredibly happy. Meaning, that's just his personality. He has a sunny disposition. He has never in his life even thrown a temper tantrum because he is incapable of getting upset enough about anything. So what the teacher sees is a happy kid who is not fussing, whining, or having meltdowns. So she thinks he's "fine". I have tried to get DS to advocate for himself. I have told him that he needs to speak up if he wants higher level work. He said he tried this once or twice and nothing happened so he's not doing it again. He gives up very easily. If I am the one always doing the advocating, I end up looking like a crazy hot-housing helicopter mom. Probably what will happen next is that she will start noticing more that he is slacking off with the work (like when he was fiddling with his words), and then decide that the work is too hard for him, so why in the world give him stuff that is even harder. That seems to be a recurrent theme on this site. The first week of school I gave her our password to ixl.com. She had said he could do that. He asked a couple times then gave up, so she probably thinks it doesn't matter. If he could do higher level math without writing, that would solve so many problems. But for whatever reason, she just doesn't want to do it. She agrees to do things, and then simply doesn't do them. I don't know if she's just incredibly disorganized, or passive aggressive, or what.

My DS appeared happy too last year. When DS would refuse his assignments, he did it passively (just wouldn't do it and would hand it in blank). And his teacher never actually called him to the mat on it. So, she also thought all sorts of things regarding why he wouldn't do the work (he is lazy, bored, thinks he is "too good" for this school, etc.).

I had to get involved pretty quickly simply because all the work was SO inappropriate. Then at some point, my sunny child started refusing to go to school in the morning. That's when I knew the inappropriate placement was getting to him. He also tried to self advocate a few times. I recall that one time he wrote out a bunch of "hard" problems for his homework, to replace the HW his teacher sent home. He did it a few times. He used to write on the bottom of the paper, "Dear Mrs. Teacher, Did you know that I can do this? I really can!" He thought that she would give him something else to do. All she did was tell him that he didn't show his work. She never gave him anything to do. He stopped writing his math notes to her. (And BTW, I sent in one of these sheets as part of his portfolio for DYS.)

I struggled for a long time with being one of "those" parents. I am not one of those parents, but I'm sure that his teacher thought I was. Too bad. I am doing what I have to do...in as polite and cooperative way as possible. We've had some success so far at school, but not much. You really cannot rely on the school to: see who your child really is, properly assess what he needs, give him what is appropriate. It is not very likely to happen without strong advocacy.

My DS is also passive like that. When he fights me at home (usually with writing stuff), it usually just involves him giggling, goofing around, or walking away. As part of his IEP eval, they agreed to give him the WJ Achievement tests. At first they just wanted to do the writing section because his problem is writing, but I told them that as long as they are going to do it at all, they might as well do all of it so that maybe some efforts at differentiation can be made. This was about 7 weeks into the school year. The IEP manager argued that he should have been tested in the classroom for math and reading. I said that no out of level testing has been done. Then suddenly, the first grade teacher decided to give him the second grade written math test which she had been stalling on for weeks. I believe they are working on those WJ tests but who knows. Is there any way they can screw that up and give him questions that are still too easy? A special ed teacher is giving them to him, not the psych. I'm hoping that if those results are high I can use them to try to advocate. The teacher has already decided that he's a lower reading level than he was last January. Last Jan. in Kindergarten he was a Level O and had no problem reading books like the Mouse and the Motorcycle. Now we are back to a Level L with the teacher saying he needs to work on answering comprehension questions better (the kid is apraxic--how good does she think his verbal responses are really going to be?). I feel like we're sliding backwards and he is actually doing easier work in all areas this year than last year. That's why it's important to me to at least get him to do the Singapore Math at home--even just 10 minutes a day so he doesn't forget everything he already learned.

blackcat, my child is a happy boy with a very optimistic attitude. He would scribble something down to go through the motions rather than put any effort into his work in his K class last year. He said outright to me that he did not care enough to try to do his best because school was "silly". He did not comprehend that the teacher expected 100% accuracy before she would accelerate him. His day at school had a max of 10 minutes of math (and that too was not every day) with teddy bear counters and 4+3 kind of stuff. Eventually, in February, I told him that there was no hope for him to get any advanced stuff if he continued to goof off. So, he started shouting out answers to math problems before other kids and it acted as a self-advocacy strategy. Though the teacher complained about it, she gave him advanced math worksheets - and it turned out to be 14+13 instead of 4+3. Not much help for him.
What I am trying to say is that our only way to keep the learning going was to afterchool intensely using various curriculum choices. He does not goof off at home, is intensely focused and does a great job. I used school last year for his social needs and I refused to pull him out because of the great attachment he developed towards his teacher, his friends and the school community. This year, he is in a private school with good academics and now he tells me that it would have been great to have changed schools in the middle of last year and that he did not know that he had a choice. We still afterschool math because the current school does 2nd grade math with him and he still finds it easy.
Good job on continuing the SM at home. Check out the Beast Academy series starting at the 3A level. DS just started it this Fall and is loving it.

DS just had an appt. with his neuropsych and the first thing that he asked was "How is school going?" DS said it was Ok, but then launched into a cheerful spiel about how he doesn't learn anything there. I wish he would say these things to his teacher!

I think it would be very difficult to change schools--the one i called is full for this year. But every other day the thought crosses my mind about trying to get him (and DD) out. I am going to try to get them into a different school next fall and hope for a better situation. So much depends on the teacher in terms of differentiation, and it's hard to know what the teacher will be like until you are already there.

I will check out Beast Academy--thanks.