Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy The "Pretty Little (Gifted) Liar"

^ Agree! We have often debated if we are just making them better liars every time we confront them about lying. They are still young enough that little subtle things give them away at times, but with practice I'm sure they will do better...lol!

Maybe this is a big part of why DD8 is past it, because our game of tall tales gives her an acceptable outlet for playing and "winning."

And to clarify from earlier, DD is still prone to lies of omission, and she does try to rationalize mistakes or bad behavior. She just doesn't outright lie to our faces anymore (apart from the tall tales, that is).

One thing we sometimes do is give DD a do-over of sorts. She tends to lie impulsively out of panic and then commit SERIOUSLY to the lie for fear of losing face/having to admit it. If I think this has happened, I can SOMETIMES send her out of the room to "think about it a little more" for 10 minutes (no fuss must be made over the initial lie) and then ask her again and get the truth. SOMETIMES.

Yes..this too. We try to give an out. DD7 will sometimes tell the lie and proceed to tell an entire story and plead her case (this is usually what gives her away - when she tries too hard at it). We wait patiently and after she is done we tell her we have listened to her "story" and want to give her some time to really think about it. She needs to decide what is the truth. She can stick with what she has told us or not - her decision, but if she is lying she will be in trouble no matter what. If she tells the truth she may or may not be in trouble depending on what happened in the first place and less trouble than if she lies.

I must say, this is one of the more interesting and unique threads I've read on this forum. Although I haven't needed to directly deal with it in our GT children, I can absolutely see how it would not just develop but turn into a full blown explosion that kids see as a game and one that they can win on a regular basis.

I've been very blessed with my boys in this regard. They've both grown to late teen age with the mindset that trust is paramount. This thread forced me to think about WHY that came about. The only answers I could come up with are that we've often talked about how trust, respect, and integrity are some of the most difficult things to earn in other's eyes, the easiest thing to lose, and some of the most difficult to regain / repair. As a parent, I've always put emphasis on that I want my boys to tell me truth even if it hurts as then I'll always know to back them strongly knowing the truth. If they show me that they sometimes don't tell the truth, it's difficult for me to put my full backing behind them.

We like to think when things / circumstances / habits turn out well that it's because of some influence we had. I wish I could say that's the case with my boys, however, I could just as easily see "The game" that has been described in this thread developing as well, almost completely out of my control. There certainly can be a threat when people know that they're smarter than 99% of those around them. Power can corrupt, knowledge is power. As is often said, with power needs to come responsibility and perhaps that's the biggest message we need to relate to these very special and blessed children, indeed they have power, be careful and responsible with how you use it.

I hate for the fact that I am constantly doubting DS4 because he lies all the time since he was 1.

Sometime I could tell he is lying, but most of the time I couldn't especially if it is school-related.

VERY true.

This is the tactic that we've chosen with our DD. As far as I can tell, she very seldom lies to others. Only to us-- as some kind of game, honestly...

So we've tried to temper the ability to manipulate others with the ethics/morals that such a thing is a WRONG thing to do. It just is. It's "icky" to trick others into doing your bidding-- it dehumanizes them.

Of course most of the people who have power and money they see do manipulate people and the truth. And most of the time when they tell the truth they get in trouble.

It also depends on where they place truth in their personal metaphysic and what they think of truth.

My dd10 actually is honest to a fault... her younger sister however (who is not gifted as far as we know) was a liar in her earlier years... we have managed to control it!