Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy The "Pretty Little (Gifted) Liar"

Just up front on this one...I don't think lying is EVER right. It hurts people; including the liar. (I'm not speaking of "gilding the truth" to save hurt feelings, btw.)

Have you discovered your gifted child is a gifted liar?

With calling anyone a liar these days being almost like calling them a psychotic axe-murder, do you hesitate to call foul on your child's "white lies"? If you do, where do you draw the line? And how?

Yes, and the word "sociopath" has crossed my mind from time to time. She is very convincing. It also almost seems like she believes what she is saying, even if it is completely outrageous. Obviously, it's not acceptable but I've never really figured out how to deal with it.

I'm pretty sure my 3.5yr old is lying at times and well enough that I can't be sure it's a lie, no matter how improbable. Which is scary. At 3.5 I should be able to easily trick her into telling the truth.

The best you can hope for is to cultivate a STRONG sense of your own moral judgment on the subject and hope that by the time they are teens, it's been heeded.

The socially gifted kids are skilled liars.

My DD14 regularly laughs in Machiavellian glee that she is Nick Naylor (the, er-- "protagonist" in Thank You for Smoking, which is probably not a good film to watch with this kind of child... nor, for that matter, is the Enron story, The Smartest Guys in the Room).

I don't tolerate lying, mind. We punish it. Fairly harshly, in fact. And we make it crystal clear that LYING is always, always, always, always a ticket to WORSE punishment than being caught without the lie, or confession of a wrongdoing.

But that doesn't do much about the compulsive 'fun' lying. Not sure what to tell you about that. Other than a lot of heart-to-heart talks about the trust of others, and some personal experience.

Gifted concealer, at times. Typically, lies of omission. However, we are also pretty smart parents and have learned to look for a certain set of very subtle facial expressions that tend to indicate said omissions!

Both SO and I have a no lying policy unless mommy is asking if an outfit makes her look fat then it's okay. We'd be seriously concerned if she start lying to blame other people to save her behind. That would definitely be our line.

Yeah-- I know my dd. I just know when she's lying. DH says that it's downright spooky-- and so does she. Like I'm actually inside her head.

Me too. He just seems so determined that he is telling the truth you start to doubt yourself.

Mine just started lying this year (he turned 6 and entered a new school and also got put in a group of kids who are more "street smart" than him). He was naive and innocent and guileless until recently. All I needed to do was ask and I was told chapter and verse of all his wrongdoings. But, I am a strict parent as far as behavior and social interaction are concerned and I hold DS up to very high standards and he will get punished and will hear about my disappointment in him. Though the punishment part is OK with him, the parental disappointment is too hard to bear for him because he is a sensitive little guy. So, he has started lying with a straight face when his behavior has been poor at school. I usually know what to expect and trap him by asking the same question in a different way at a different time. For e.g. So, how many people got time outs in class today? Answer: 3 (while in the previous version of the story, 2 of his friends got a time out and had to sit in the "thinking corner" for disrupting the class). Then I confront him and the truth usually comes out.
This takes a hawk eye, time, persistence and knowing how your child thinks. If the parent is very busy (like my spouse is) it is very hard to know these things and address them as these kids can be really smooth while lying. I am concerned that when he gets older and more savvy or if I am not too vigilant, I will be taken for a ride.

Both of mine lie and it is over silly little things like who left the peanut butter out on the table. I don't understand why they lie about things that don't really matter and we have explained that if they lie about the little things then that makes us doubt them about the big things.

Like HowlerKarma, we punish lying and that punishment is worse than what the initial punishment would be if they had told the truth. We always give them the opportunity to tell the truth and remind them that the punishment for lying is worse, and that sometimes works, but not always.

Luckily, DD9 isn't very good at lying and I can tell with her. DD7 on the other hand doesn't miss a beat when she lies and she will play the sympathy card when we doubt her. She is bound for some type of career in drama - I swear!