0 members (),
86
guests, and
12
robots. |
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
S |
M |
T |
W |
T |
F |
S |
|
|
1
|
2
|
3
|
4
|
5
|
6
|
7
|
8
|
9
|
10
|
11
|
12
|
13
|
14
|
15
|
16
|
17
|
18
|
19
|
20
|
21
|
22
|
23
|
24
|
25
|
26
|
27
|
28
|
29
|
30
|
31
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 453
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 453 |
DD4 started 4-full day (830-3) preschool two weeks ago. She is very happy to be at school, loves getting up in the morning to get ready for school, doesn't want to be picked up and declared that she wants to go all 5-days. All good, right? Well, her behavior at home has turned 180F. She says home is boring and she doesn't like being at home. She is rebellious, argumentative, and I cannot get her to do anything. She also keeps repeating a certain action till it drives everyone crazy. She used to to this before as well, like driving her toon car in the family room back and forth forever. This usually meant she was extremely bored and I have successfully diverted her to challenging assignments, that she would then gladly do. Not any more. Nothing I say or do makes any difference and she literally spends entire evening doing one thing over and over, like pushing the button on her annoying singing teapot, jumping up and down the couch, etc. I have lost my sweet-tempered child and need help. Is this temporary while she adjusts to her new school? Is she really bored at home? Is she mad at me for sending her to school full day? Thanks for any words of advice you can give me in trying to figure this new behavior out.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 417
Member
|
Member
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 417 |
That sounds very frustrating! My thought is that your daughter has been through several big transitions in recent months. It's been quite a lot for you and certainly for her. What you describe is how my child has responded to "stress" in his life at ages 5 and 6.
My gut is that she is having trouble unwinding from the intensity of her full day experience. I've seen that repetitive behavior from my child when he is "burned out" and trying to "numb out" ... plus it can be fun to annoy your mother for some negative attention when you have missed her from being away from home all day.
We had success with doing therapeutic things like roll him in a blanket and press on him (pretend he's a hot dog or taco or burrito and put on different toppings) and swinging. There are great activities like those in the book The Out of Sync Child Has Fun.
Go with your gut of course. You will know what rings true about what you are seeing and what doesn't. My child does have sensory issues but the calming I saw with the activities I mentioned above was downright shocking. Hope you find answers (and peace at home) soon.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 453
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 453 |
Thanks, Happilymom for your suggestion. While dd has not been officially tested for spd, I have always wondered if she might have it due to various reasons. Today she stayed home and while had a rough start ( took 2 hours to get her to brush and eat breakfast), she was back to her happy self the rest of the day. She does seem genuinely happy at school and more than one teacher commented on how she is always skipping, singing, and happy. She has made some friends and loves to,spend time with them. It is a very play based school and they spend a lot of their time outdoors reading stories, playing, hunting for acorns, etc. But I can see how spending 6.5 hours away from home might stress her out, even though she might not even realize it.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 417
Member
|
Member
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 417 |
If she has sensory issues, a new environment like that can really be overwhelming with new information. Liking it and getting "spent" processing all of it are 2 different things. New places and people really exhaust my son.... Even switching to homeschool, which he heavily advocated for, hit this point for us. After the first day I saw that letting him chose was a problem because he overdid it and was a mess by late afternoon. He was just so excited to get to learn and did too much.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 2,035
Member
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 2,035 |
I don't know your situation re other kids etc but have you tried a transition routine. It does sound like she is having trouble calming down after a very busy and probably stressful (not necessarily in a bad way) day.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 453
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 453 |
Sorry I am back with this problem. Puffin, she is an only child and I tried a transition routine but things are not going so well. Some of the behavior is spilling into weekends and days that I stay at home with her. We even tried keeping her home 2 of the school days last week. No help! She has turned into a defiant little imp. She has started to throw things and create unnecessary mess, not in a mean way but just to push our buttons. eg, she painted a big section of the family room wall with her blue glitter paint, she tears and throws tiny pieces of paper everywhere, she wrote on the window shade, she uses apples as tennis balls, etc, etc. She has this impish smile on her face while she is doing all this. I have tried everything from gentle persuasion, to distraction to yelling in frustration. She has ended up in tears on a couple of occasions (which hurts me because this kid hardly cries-she has a very sunshiny personality). But more often than not, she just ignores me and my DH completely and keeps on doing her thing. Is this just a normal 4 yo behavior that is best to ignore? DH is all for more discipline but I would really like to understand the root cause of the problem and address that. Any help is much appreciated!
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 948
Member
|
Member
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 948 |
Sorry I am back with this problem. Puffin, she is an only child and I tried a transition routine but things are not going so well. Some of the behavior is spilling into weekends and days that I stay at home with her. We even tried keeping her home 2 of the school days last week. No help! She has turned into a defiant little imp. She has started to throw things and create unnecessary mess, not in a mean way but just to push our buttons. eg, she painted a big section of the family room wall with her blue glitter paint, she tears and throws tiny pieces of paper everywhere, she wrote on the window shade, she uses apples as tennis balls, etc, etc. She has this impish smile on her face while she is doing all this. I have tried everything from gentle persuasion, to distraction to yelling in frustration. She has ended up in tears on a couple of occasions (which hurts me because this kid hardly cries-she has a very sunshiny personality). But more often than not, she just ignores me and my DH completely and keeps on doing her thing. Is this just a normal 4 yo behavior that is best to ignore? DH is all for more discipline but I would really like to understand the root cause of the problem and address that. Any help is much appreciated! Is it possible for her to go 1/2 day? If so I would seriously consider that. A full day for 4 yr. olds is long and very stimulating. I really like the book Transforming the difficult child for approaches to deal with her challenging behaviors. The book Hold on to Your Kids is great as well--even though it is aimed at parents of older kids, I think the influence of peers is clear even at a pre-school level. I really believe that the desire of kids to behave or not is strongly tied to the strength of the attachment to parents. (ruling out SPD or similar) In the meantime I think as few rules as possible that you enforce consistently is the key. (I realize that is easy to say...) but I wouldn't make a rule unless you are motivated enough to follow through on enforcing it.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 954
Member
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 954 |
You need to have clear rules and consequences for misbehavior in the home. Sit down with her and make up a list.
Example:
1) No hitting 2) No yelling 3) No throwing things inside
etc, etc.
Then, the consequences - X no of minutes of timeout, or whatever you guys do in your home. With our kids they have a star chart that earns them allowance money, but they are older.
~amy
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 353
Member
|
Member
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 353 |
I agree with epoh--at least that worked wonders for us when DD was younger. It was important to have both the rules and consequences be clear in advance, to give one reminder (as a chance for the kid to make the correct choice) and then to promptly follow through if the behavior doesn't stop. For awhile we gave a 'count' for bad behavior and if our DD got up to three counts, no dessert (bad, I know, but that was the only thing that worked with her).
Another technique is that if the kid is not using a toy/material properly, it becomes 'unavailable' for awhile (that is, you take it away); if they are otherwise behaving, you can have them try it again, but if they go back to the inappropriate use, it is 'unavailable' for longer (like until tomorrow, or until next week). Positive reinforcement can sound like "I will know you are ready to use the paint when you keep it on the paper." Hang in there; your DD sounds very persistent, but hopefully you will be able to make some progress. Good luck!
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 329
Member
|
Member
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 329 |
For that behavior, my kids at 4 would have lost any number of privileges and know how shocked and disappointed I was in their behavior.
Drawing on the wall? Well first of all, I hope you had her clean up the mess? Then, take away what she used to create the mess since she abused the privilege. While helping clean, I would have expressed my extreme disappointment and surprise that a great kid like her would think it was OK to do something like that. I would ask her what made her think that would be OK, all the while being shocked and disappointed. I would ask her what she thinks the consequence for such vandalism should be.
Apples as tennis balls? Again, she cleans up the mess. On that one, I think I would have had her spend some time on her bed thinking of why that was a bad idea. (Although I think that sounds fun and my boys probably wouldn't get in trouble for that as long as they were outside and using apples that had fallen from the tree.)
I think if you have to ask her more than once to stop an annoying behavior, she gets a consequence like going to her room.
I agree with reiterating your behavior rules. We didn't use a star chart, but did a marble jar for acts of kindness and good behavior. My 7 yo still loves the marble jar. Basically, she gets a marble for doing something nice, or for a good piano practice without complaining. She doesn't get a marble every day now because it's more of a lark than a behavior tool now, but we used it regularly at age 4. Once the jar is filled up she gets a treat (trip to the craft store or some other thing she's been wanting).
Have you ever read 1-2-3 Magic? It think it would work really well in your situation. I don't think your daughter sounds naughty-- it sounds like she's testing her boundaries. Just be firm and this will be a passing phase.
|
|
|
|
|