Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Ugh... what to do, if anything...

If the other teachers don't do this, then I would at least have her get far enough ahead in the math class that she can stay ahead no matter what, and catch up the other classes after that.

The points about the need for clarity are well made, but I think that the issue of whether the students are top-performing or not may be a red herring, tbh. I don't think it's generally true that top-performing students are more likely than others to need the freedom to get behind schedule (however the schedule is presented), although it may be that the higher performing the student is the less one should worry about it.

I do recognise in myself and my DS the "drink from the firehose" phenomenon, but we'd (a) always do it ahead of schedule and (b) be able to interrupt the drinking for other things that need to be done (like washing, and other subjects of work!)

I think this might be an individual style issue, more than a giftedness issue. I'd also not be too complacent about it: if the root is inability or unwillingness to context-switch on demand, well, that's essential in many careers, including academia once you get to faculty.

Yeah-- and she does do pretty good at switching like that. We've worked on that with her since it's a relative feature of her immaturity, in some respects.

But there again, clear expectations is one thing-- but this is something quite different.

Quiz time!

It is okay to be behind:

a) two lesson days, provided that your grade is passing

b) one week, depending upon your history in the course

c) it isn't. Not even one day. (yeah, yeah-- I know what marketing tells families. Bite me.)

d) BEHIND? Who cares-- just remember that your grade without the term paper at the end will SUCK. Here, let me show you just how MUCH it will suck.

e) all of the above, depending upon the teacher's whim. S/he'll let you know. Probably. Well-- maybe. You'll figure it out when it happens.

The problem is that the answer is e.

I'm not sure what kind of students actually respond to this with improved motivation, honestly.


Bear in mind that my DD added precalculus late-- and IMMEDIATELY got hit with '26 lesson' overdue (because of the high school's method of fixed start and end-dates and automatic scheduling). Three full weeks, please note.

She made up all but 8 of them within ONE week while keeping up with everything else more or less, AND took the ACT and interviewed at a college during that same week-- before she even had a course textbook. But that wasn't enough to prevent the dreaded raft of temporary zeros that took her grade from a 96% to a 17% instantly (two midterms). Her current grade is about 90% because (IMO, seeing what she was doing and how) she was doing ANYTHING to make it go away.

Like I said-- there were NO communications of any kind from the teacher about this. None. Not even "hey, welcome to my class, here are the class policies." Nothing.

This is like an adult being blindsided by a boss that gives them a crappy performance review on something that they had no idea HAD expectations attached to it-- like "being more talkative with colleagues during the lunch hour" or something-- but not to worry, that crappy quarterly performance review is just to "help you" do better by the end of the year.

Also note that part of the REASON that we're with this school is to manage things in that second e.

LOTS of medical and other stuff happening some weeks. She does miss a fair amount of school during the months of Sept and October.

This school does sound very frustrating, and I bet you'll be glad to be shot of it next year! It's probably not very comforting to think that b&m school would have been worse/impossible.

This is one of your DD's courses through a college/uni? A dual enrollment while also in high school?
I believe the preponderance of thought would be that:
1) DD needs to advocate for herself.
2) Parents are out.
3) Insisting may be out as college is not a right but a privilege (different than free appropriate public education K5-12).

You might wish to coach her, helping her collect her thoughts and the pertinent facts, while explaining to her about advocating on basis of principle, where ALL may benefit... avoid having this be about her personal stuff: grades, stress, age, etc.

She may wish to review the syllabus, course schedule, etc, to gather facts while learning from you what best policy/practice looks like. If there is no mention of due-dates rather than end of semester, and no mention of late policy, she may wish to ask about these things. She may wish to use the same style of presenting her confusion and asking for the teacher's help, which you've recently shared for working with elementary schools, thereby learning what the due dates and policies are. Her bottom line may be advocating for proactive written notice of due dates and late policies.

If, on the other hand, the college has due dates but her high school has only end-of-semester due-dates, then this is merely different than what she is used to. As it is a college course, the college rules may supersede the HS rules she is familiar with.

Schools may be taking note of her ability to self-advocate and hold her own, while remaining respectful and building rapport with her professors, as these will be important life skills she may be undertaking on a college campus soon.

In handling both her disappointment, her willingness to perform on schedule, and this advocacy opportunity, she may be influencing decision makers about ALL early college entrants. She may wish to be gracious, thanking the professor for his/her time. Above all, she may want to demonstrate that she takes personal responsibility for her education, her time management, and her choices, including tone of communication. (This is an initial disappointment, this is not dealing with an entrenched problem, where parties may be fully escalated.)

Do not play the age card; do not ask for any special privileges or leeway. If someone else puts that subject on the table, quickly side-step it to re-focus on the subject(s) at hand: due-dates, late policies, and managing expectations by providing proactive notice of these things (on a syllabus, for example).

Just my 2 cents.

Good advice for a B&M setting, Indigo.



Not-so-good for the virtual setting, where some of that is "N/A" or "Huh?" by virtue of the model.

I'm actually responsible for a number of things in this model-- like recording attendance.

Dual enrollment is through a regional CC-- teachers and courses are certified by that institutions, students sign up through the CC for dual enrollment, and teachers turn in grades at the end of the school year. The course itself is taught through the high school, and she COULD take the course without dual enrollment. (Really.)

I explain that because I understand this sounds like I must be leaving something out, it's so weird. Well, it's just really that bizarre, that's all.

The teachers never necessarily even MEET the kids they "teach."

Contact time is quite minimal-- as little as nothing at all, in some classes. Textbook and embedded multimedia lessons, and a hard deadline at the end. That's it for a "course schedule."

In this model, frequently the bureaucracy being obscured from parents/students means that navigating advocacy is NOT a job for students, no matter how capable. Most parents aren't up to it, frankly. It's a fortress.


I also suspect VERY strongly that the major communication barrier (contributing heavily to the teacher's favorite mode of communication, evidently) is a language barrier. It's the reason he doesn't DO phone calls or live lessons/meetings. He's nice-- but he really isn't completely fluent in English. That also ups the ante in terms of advocacy for any high school student. DD is pretty good with heavily accented English, and she's great with cultural sensitivity, but she doesn't yet know the most common verbal cues for "I'm really not following this" with various national/cultural/regional identities.

She depends on body language a lot. That's missing entirely here.

This program touts its flexibility.

Which is great.

But it turns out to be a right that you can't actually USE.

She may just have to work on her learning style. It is an approach that will not work in tertiary education and will only work in certain jobs. I understand it is her preferred style but she mat have to decide whether keeping he preferred style unmodified is worth the cost.

On the other hand, when there is a policy/practice that could be improved, advocacy for the benevolent well-being of those students who follow, as well as for the benefit of the educational institution (think marketing and positive testimonials), as well as the benefit of the teacher (proactively managing expectations means less time spent putting out fires later) can be a good thing.

Possibly the accumulated questions, facts and advocacy information could be drafted into a polite, simple e-mail and sent to the professor? Sometimes all one can do is to raise awareness. That can be a positive in itself. It is also good practice for future, a learning experience for how DD might approach drawing questions and information together for other in-person advocacy opportunities which will surely arise. If DD opens the conversation (e-mail conversation), she may receive a response...?

Eventually this advocacy may be an example she can speak of positively when interviewed by colleges for admissions, or in future years for employment, when she may be asked to describe a situation in which she faced adversity, and how she handled it.

Just thinking ahead here...