Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy I don't know what to do anymore

I just want to cry. After 2 weeks of school in the G&T class 7 yo dd is hating school again. Yesterday she faked a stomachache on the way into school but only spent 2 seconds at the nurse's office. While at recess she told the monitor that she hates school. Today she was in tears and I could barely get her to walk into the school.

Last night for homework she had to write 10 sentences about what she thinks/feels about her class/school so far. The first page she shared an idea she had about writing non-fiction books about animals (i.e. how to go about picking the animal, again my dd is all about the planning and details). Then the next paragraph she wrote that she hates school, that it's too long, that she has no friends, and that she hopes she gets sick so she doesn't have to go. I asked her if she has to read this assignment out loud to her class if she will be okay with that and she said yes.

She says she doesn't want to learn. She can be lazy, she is careless with her work at times and rushes to get it done. In class they have a math workbook and the teacher lets them skip pages and do what they want to do so she'll skip to the interesting things and avoid what she may consider too much work or require her to think a little more. When she begs to stay home she claims she will do school work at home to make up for not going to school. If I felt I could homeschool her successfully I would, but I don't believe it would be in her best interest.

I'm really at a loss as to how to handle this. Should I go to the school and ask for help? They have a social worker who is part of the G&T program and goes into the class one to two times a week to talk to the whole class. Maybe he could talk to her or observe her?

I'm so sorry for you both!! This situation really sounds miserable.


Honestly-- it sounds at least possible that the learning environment that she's in is so inappropriate in so many different domains that I'm not sure that you can get help from the school with this.

Not until you have a handle on WHAT you want them to do to improve the fit, anyway.

It doesn't sound like you know at this point, and (unfortunately) your DD is not at a place developmentally where she does, either.

Honestly-- I know that what I'm about to say isn't what you probably want to hear--

I'd consider homeschooling until she has the self-reflective/self-aware qualities that would allow you to HELP the school find solutions to problems with placement.

(That assumes that you have little reason to suspect underlying 2E issues-- if you DO suspect those, even a teeeeeensy bit-- make phone calls TODAY to seek evaluation.)


Okay-- this seems familiar-- does she have an explanation about WHY she doesn't want to "work hard" or tackle challenges?




If you don't mind, can you explain why you think that homeschooling would be bad for her in particular?

I do suspect the possibility she could be 2e for a few reasons.

1. There's a 27 point difference between her PRI and VCI on the WISC and a 39 point difference between her PRI and PSI.
2. Writing is a bit of a challenge for her
3. She doesn't strike me as a HG kid when it comes to her academics (but again I can't tease out whether this is underachieving on purpose or not)
4. Her older sister is dyslexic, dyspraxic, and has dyscalculia. However, younger dd doesn't show the same struggles or issues older dd does so again, I just don't know.

She is struggling socially so I would hate to pull her out to homeschool and have less opportunities to socialize.

What tests are recommended to evaluate for 2e?

Is there any chance her unhappiness is primarily or largely about social issues? Although the "not wanting to learn" comment would concern me quite a bit as well.

HUgs--I know how hard it is to have one who doesn't want to go to school and cries about it.

I agree with HK that it is worth really exploring homeschooling. And I am very much NOT sold on the socialization benefits of traditional public school. I believe there are other opportunities to socialize that may be more beneficial, and the homeschoolers I know certainly do not lack opportunities to socialize--if anything they have greater opportunities for more meaningful socialization.

The "socialization" I think is important at school doesn't have much to do with "socializing" in the sense of making and maintaining friendships. For a kid with social skills challenges, it's often more about learning flexibility, following instructions and rules (and knowing when to bend rules and when not), how to cope with tasks you don't want to do, etc. Those are the "social" aspects we expect our 2E DS to learn in school.

Agree with HK that asking the district to evaluate is a good idea. Make a list of all challenges-- social, academic, and practical, with examples, so that it's clear what you're asking them to look for.

DeeDee

This is where an accurate diagnosis from someone who really gets 2E kids is crucial, right? B/c if this is a non-2E gifted introvert, vs. a gifted kid on the spectrum, the approach would be different, right?

I agree-- socialization IS critical for kids who have struggles in that arena... but--


I am going to challenge that a bit.

Is this true? In what context? How is that statement UN-true?

Actually, homeschooling can provide a BETTER opportunity to work on the issues that need the most intervention or explicit instruction/practice. For most kids, that is academic learning... for HG+ children, though, it may well be something else.

The problem is that this isn't what a classroom environment is set up to do, see-- so if YOUR child would ideally spend 75-90% of her school day "learning appropriate social interactions with peers," then that puts a bit of a monkey wrench in things if those same peers need to be spending 75-85% of their school day doing things like learning to read, recognize patterns, understand simple directions, and work with basic math operations.

The one thing interferes with the other objective, basically.

That's why I'm going to say that while figuring out what the challenges ARE is a good thing, it's not necessarily going to point to a workable solution in a 2e child.

SO. A child that needs to spend a great deal MORE time interacting with others and learning to read social cues might well be better off spending that time in a mixed-age cohort of real people doing real things. Librarians, store clerks, etc. etc. Homeschooling is really not socially isolating unless you choose to make it that way.

Maybe "homeschooling" isn't about academics for those children-- at least not directly. Remember, being HG+ buys you a LOT of latitude in academics and formal instructional time. You can afford to pick and choose what seems most important and rest easy (well, okay easier) that the child isn't going to be falling too far behind academically as a result.

One more question for the OP to really think about in very frank terms-


Is school the problem? Or is it something else? Do the problems appear in other domains, or ONLY connected to this one? What is she like during lengthy school breaks? Different? Or the same?

If school is the problem, then that likely speaks to some kind of radically inappropriate placement (for whatever reason).
It's possible that it is because this is the only domain in which her weaknesses (2e, to be clear) are being significantly challenged.

But if you see zero evidence during summer vacation that there is anything at all in the way of "issues" then I'd consider that pretty compelling evidence in favor of homeschooling for now.

The only thing that would sway me is if I were to get a 2e diagnosis that completely made sense (NO loose ends) and had a plan attached to it that was a significant departure from the current placement. (An IEP that seems solid and workable, in other words.)