Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional First day of school - No one's read the IEP...

Yesterday was meet the teacher, and, I was not surprised to learn, none of DS9's teachers had gotten a copy of his IEP yet. I was, sadly, surprised to learn that the Spec Ed coordinator that we loved so much last year is gone and we've got a new one. She did have the IEPs, but hadn't gotten them out to the teachers yet... The one teacher last year (a male technology teacher) that really, really worked well with DS is now the vice principal, so hopefully he'll be able to help out if necessary still.

DS usually does fine the first few weeks of school, regardless, so I'm cautiously hopeful about 4th grade.

Has anyone else in the states started school yet?

Yes. In NC, our state has implemented a computerized system which spit out a schedule for each incoming student, a schedule which ended up having little or no value, since most often it was wrong. My DS11, who's experiencing a new transition this year, not only into middle school, but is also skipping a grade, was one of many, many students who were placed in the wrong classes. His first day, he was designated to go to 6th grade and so I went in to make sure that he went to the right grade. Once that was sorted out he spent almost two days with a group of unruly, behaviorally and functionally challenged students. Not only were the things that were supposed to be put in place so that his transition would be more comfortable, such as pairing him with another grade-skipped kid, not done, but they had him in remedial classes. As I said, this was a school-wide, and county-wide problem which the teachers have been workign tirelessly to fix. As I've had to go in and advocate every day to see that DS is where he needs to be, I've seen it first hand. I can only imagine the stress of having to basically fix by hand the mess caused by this state's computer mess-up. I have so much respect for these teachers, that they are working so hard despite little support from the community, from the state (NC keeps taking and taking from the teachers) and so little understanding of what it means to be a teacher in today's world.
I have high hopes that this hiccup will be a lesson in tolerance and patience for my DS and that soon he'll be happy and excited about school rather than dreading it. He's coped better than I imagined he would. That said, I'm still hearing "I don't want to go to school," and I'd love to not hear that.

We usually have to gently remind/notify teachers individually each year that: a) my dd HAS a 504 plan-- most are blissfully unaware, and that b) they should really-- NO, REALLY-- read it through.

Unfortunately, we've found that the first week of school is so chaotic for SpEd staff that they seldom get information to teachers in a timely fashion, even in those instances where the disability is hidden and/or life-threatening in nature. [sigh]


We start in a bit over a week, and DD still has no German teacher, and there have been a number of things already that we're going to need to tackle right away.

We've started school - and fwiw, I think the first week or two of school are simply crazy busy for everyone (parents, students, teachers). I wouldn't necessarily worry that not having the IEP yet (especially in the case of new staff) would be a signal that the school year won't go well. I would, however, give a copy of my copy to your ds' teachers, be sure they've seen the list of accommodations and make sure they will be in place, and also talk to them about anything you feel they need to know

I hope your ds has a great school year!

Best wishes,

polarbear

I figured I'd give the teacher these first few days then check in on Monday to make sure they've all gotten a copy of the IEP. I really want to make sure he's being sent to the resource room @ the end of the day like he's supposed to be... so we avoid all the lost paperwork and the chaos to general dismissal!

We had a meet the teacher yesterday too ... plus a meeting with the school nurse and the lead teacher regarding DS5's allergies. We never even got to the IEP. I was spitting fire as soon as I realized the nurse didn't even notice DS's Health Management plan had TWO pages and not just one ... she was like "oh! There's a second page?" ... so much for managing his asthma and environmental allergies (covered on page 2) ... first year of school for us. Trying to not let anything ruin it for us! Really trying hard!

We just started today, but we don't have any IEPs this year -- they dropped DS's IEP last year due to stellar progress, and it worked out fine, so we're hoping that it still goes ok with him fully in middle school this year.

However, when we did have one, we always had a meeting a week or two before school started, with everyone who was involved with him, just to set things up and get everybody on the same page. And another one a few weeks into the year after the chaos settled out, to see how things were going.

Well, things are a wee bit chaotic at school this year anyway... they expanded the building over the summer and the new gym is still under construction... so no PE for anyone yet! And DS's class isn't finished just yet - no shelves or whiteboard for the teacher. He told me he didn't meet the spec ed teacher yesterday or go to the resource room. He mentioned he was very confused about what to do at the end of the day (was he supposed to go pick up his sister? go to resource? go straight to dismissal?) so I think I'll try and find the spec ed director's email and send her a quick note.

ETA - In completely unrelated news, the school has decided to partner with ALEKS... (starting in 6th grade). And they are going to start doing NWEA MAP testing! Hoo-boy!

DD's IEP didn't get distributed until the end of day 1, and since in day 2 it was clear that the math teacher wasn't following a key accommodation, I alerted him and the IS about it. I just got email lectured by him about why the accommodation isn't reasonable.

And this is in the noise of problems with the start of the year...

Wow, geofizz. So this math teacher is now a Special Ed attorney, too?? Cool.

Sounds like time to school someone about: a) stay-put provisions in IDEA procedural safeguards (so, um... you can't decide whether or not you're going to do it-- that's sort of the point!), and b) Letter to Zirkel: "reasonable" doesn't even come into it in a public school setting. It's about "necessary," "LRE" and "FAPE." In the case of an IEP, the word reasonable shouldn't even come UP, given that it isn't in the statute anywhere to start with. I understand that ADA/ADAA might be... confusing... on this point, so I can allow some leeway there (and it's why I have a PDF of Letter to Zirkel on my hard drive at all times, LOL)... but for IDEA??

Thank goodness I know and understand the IDEA law, DD's IEP, and the data that went into the IEP inside out and backwards. I also have an educational advocate. I also have a lot of clout with district personnel.

I suspect this will be just a blip ultimately. There are bigger problems with how things have started this year, however, that make me leery. The best possible outcome here is that the teacher learns to actually honor IEPs and respects parental input.

I have found it pretty typical that it can take a few days to get everyone up to speed on the IEP, but Geo, that math teacher is utterly out of line. He clearly needs to be instructed by an administrator about the importance of following the special education law.

What a rough way to start. I expect you'll find a way to sort it out, but still.

DeeDee

Ugh geofizz - I agree with DeeDee - the math teacher is so beyond out of line! Argh.

In the meantime, I am having to take some of my own "remember, the first week of school is crazy for everyone" advice this week... while I work to maintain my personal "zen" until school pickup today when I am going to have to go in and follow-up with ds' teachers on a class assignment given during the day yesterday. I can't go into the details even here - it is totally bringing back all those feelings of stress that take over when it feels like you have to constantly re-advocate, over and over. I sincerely hope I don't have to repeat the explanation of what dysgraphia is and how it impacts my ds *again*. These are the same teachers ds had last year - they know what ds' challenges and diagnoses and accommodations are - most of the time his teachers are great, sometimes they are clueless - sometimes understandably clueless, once in a while it feels like they are stubbornly purposely clueless. Overall it's so much better now in a middle school that is understanding than it was in elementary school where everything was a fight, but overall I'm just kinda tired. On a positive note, I see ds maturing and handling it all very well. Much better than his mom!

My apologies for turning my reply into a personal vent!

Amy, that's great your school is going to start using MAP testing! I think the ALEKS part is promising too, although I hope it doesn't replace actual live teachers in any way. I'll be interested to hear how it works out

Best wishes,

polarbear

There is a lot about this school that I am really excited for... but it seems like most things don't start until like 6th grade... they eventually all get chromebooks... (previously it was iPads, this year they are doing chromebooks). And the fact that they are bringing these online tools makes me, personally, happy. It's unlikely that DS will ever really receive in-class instruction that goes at an appropriate pace for him, so knowing the school is on board with these tools is great. I am hopeful that if we can't get him into G&T this year that I can maybe get them on board with having him use ALEKS some... we'll see.

DS doesn't start for a few weeks and I don't know who his teacher is yet. Last year I sent an email a few days before about his IEP. And she knew all about it. But I also used the email to update about the summer and what was working and what wasn't. He had such a great year in terms of accommodation where the teacher and OT really worked together to figure out strategies for class work and homework. It made such a difference especially at home - really lessened the battles! Fingers crossed it works as well this year and the teacher is as caring and considerate.

What I hate is this is the second year in a row where I don't know what to do with the school supplies - it's a minor thing in the scheme of things but I would rather not waste money on notebooks that they want to replace. Although he really doesn't want to use the notebooks with the dashed line in the middle. I think he is very cognizant it sets him apart but he has a hard time with the regular wide ruled - although it is getting better. We have been using graph paper notebooks over the summer with some of the stuff he has been doing and it's amazing how much it helps him with sizing and putting spaces between the words. Not sure they would let him use that as a journal but perhaps if he advocates for it himself they might try it. And it continues to amaze me, with out lined paper he will write down the side of the page, he can never remember to "hit return" and start the next line, he basically makes a right turn and writes down the side as if he is doing one of those word pictorials which of course is completely illegible, but never fails that he tries to do that.

DeHe

Meh.

They got the Cliff notes on DS9's IEP because I insisted loudly on getting a transition meeting with old/new teachers before school started, brought the IEP, and summarized from it.

Four days in school, and the (new) teacher, (new) principal and (new) case manager want to stop the one accommodation that did the most good over the past two years (the one he couldn't function without in 2nd grade, and the one that allowed the most progress on his IEP goals last year). And keep telling me how well he is doing.

Because he has grown so much, and mom is clearly being over-protective and holding him back (nothing to do with the fact nobody wants to take the time to clear the room used for said accommodation, no, nothing).

Mom is wondering if it would be worth the tear and wear on the child to show them exactly *why* we have spent 4 years getting the f@^$*cking accommodations in place.

Grrrrrrrr...

The good thing about venting here is that now I can put the nice smile back on and go back to explain why I think it is a bad idea without sounding like a complete lunatic.

Did I say "want to stop"? Stopped without asking, and then came back to me saying "see, he didn't have a meltdown yet, so he clearly doesn't need it, right? Progress! :)"

Where was that smile I need for tomorrow, again?

Yes. This is my seventh year on the black-diamond run of all-out IEP advocacy parenting. There will be eleven more years of it after this. At least.

I'm finding that it's really hard to muster the energy to keep being positive, keep explaining, keep cheerleading, keep running my children to get all the extra accessories and therapies they need. AND deal with the people who assume that last year's problems may have magically gone away over the summer.

We're in a fairly good place at the moment (knocking on wood with all four limbs here), but it is still difficult.

Sympathies all round.

DeeDee

School hasn't started yet but reading all your posts has me stressed out big time. I'm so sorry you are all dealing with this. It is just so exhausting to even read about what everyone is dealing with.

We still don't know where DD will be going to school this year. Yes the district agreed to OOD placement but there are major concerns about the LD school they want to place her at. After trying all summer to get it worked out or get her placed at the 2E school we finally got an IEP meeting scheduled - for the day AFTER school starts. Word from all our professionals (consultant, attorney and psych) is unless/until all services are in place that would make this an appropriate placement DD stays home. How's that for a kick in the pants? After all that time fighting and advocating for OOD placement we now have to start all over to get what she needs in place at the OOD. And she doesn't get to go to school at all unless/until we get it all worked out.

For now I am going to continue to enjoy the remaining days of summer break and stress out vicariously through all of you. Good luck everyone!

I guess I am going to start typing out an email here soon... DS is sitting in the back row of the room - even though I made sure to mention to her when we met that he NEEDS to sit up front.

And, to add to my stress level I'm seriously annoyed about my after-school situation. I wanted to hire a nanny, but then suddenly my father-in-law decided to retire and said he wanted to do it. So, we agreed, we'd pay him to take care of the kids instead of hunting down a nanny... The first two days of school he's taken them to fast food joints after picking them up and let them eat junk (french fries and shakes and m&m's!) and play in the play areas. *sigh* And homework wasn't completed, so I got to help DS scramble around to finish that at 6:30am this morning. And my husband said he dropped the kids off at the house super early while he was still working on phone calls. ARG. I had a bad feeling about having a family member fill this role. I do not want to have to "manage" my father-in-law!

Epoh--how frustrating. Probably this has occurred to you already but it sounds like your FIL is not wanting to do the serious stuff-- just maybe spend more fun time with the kids. There might be room then to hire a nanny for the serious stuff (eg homework, healthy snacks, and taking care of the kids until the end of the work day) and have FIL do something fun for an hour or so a couple of times a week or whatever (or taking them for fun stuff on a weekend for a few hours to give you a rest!). Whatever you decide, good luck!

My mom was a big influence on my parenting style, in that I often ask myself, "What would my mom have done in this situation?", and then do the opposite. But when we needed a nanny when DW decided to go to school, and DD was only about 6-8 months old, my mom stepped in, and it worked out wonderfully for all involved.

DW and I are huge proponents of consistency, and so, before we ever agreed to let her watch DD, I had a frank talk with my mom in which I indicated that the only way this could possibly work is if she got on board and did things OUR way. She did.

Every day we'd talk endlessly about every detail of DD's life, and how we react. I could also tell when something was going on that was different, because DD would indicate it with her behavior. For example, I remember her sitting up at the entertainment center, slapping her hands on the glass doors, and looking at me like, "Hey, do you see me? I'm hitting this. What are you going to do about it?" So I asked my mom, who told me she'd told her not to, and I said we just let her, she can't break the glass.

I suggest it would be a good idea for your DH to have a similar conversation with his father, and the sooner, the better.

My mom was a big influence on my parenting style, in that I often ask myself, "What would my mom have done in this situation?", and then do the opposite.

LOL-- glad I'm not the only one.

This is great advice. You can even tell him she's the "homework manager" and he's the "child care" if you like...

DeeDee

Well, unfortunately money is a big part of this situation (and a major part of why it all makes me feel "icky".)

F-in-L needs the extra income from this (or from some other job) in order to make ends meet. DH and I are happy to help out, but we cannot afford to pay him AND a nanny... so I'm going to do my best to make this work.

First step - I went to Sam's a bought a bunch of healthy after school snacks for him to provide to the kids when he picks them up!

My mom did childcare for my sister for 5 years. They actually signed a contract on the arrangement. It seemed a little odd at first, but I think both were really smart to do it. I think it was a really low-key thing, but it did establish the boundaries of the relationship.

I feel kind of like I'm turning into "that parent." The annoying and nagging one, lol.

I emailed the Spec Ed teacher Monday about the IEP, and she confirmed she'd given it out on Friday and was going to meet with the teachers to make sure it was being implemented.... and then today I just emailed her to find out when the heck DS is actually going to begin RECEIVING SERVICES! He's supposed to receive 100mins/week of time with the Spec Ed teacher... preferably broken up into 20mins/day at the end of each day. I don't want to be a hardass, but they are legally out of compliance at the moment, correct? He's not even set foot in the resource room since school started. And he is supposed to receive an hour every two weeks with an LPC for his anxiety, of which I've heard zilch.

Let's get it together peoples!

Be "that parent," epoh! Be friendly, firm, and treat them like professionals, but be vigilant. And then say thank you to the people who step up.

But yikes, it's not like anxiety is at a minimum at the start of the school year or anything, right? I hope you can get him going asap!

Document, document, document. I find it really effective to refer to "your email/ our conversation 12:50 pm on August 26" when sending another email, as it shows them that I'm not only paying attention, but I'm keeping a record.

Yeah, I'm doing my best to be patient, but he really should have been going to the resource room since day one. ESPECIALLY on day one. Because it was fucking craziness... he told me later that night he had gotten very "worried" because he wasn't sure where he was supposed to go at the end of the day. We got that sorted, but I was irritated it happened at all.