Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Parental Controls on a Mobile Phone

We are considering letting DS have a mobile phone, primarily for safety as he will sometimes be biking to/from school or staying after school for activities.

Likewise for safety, we will need to be able to keep a very close eye on what goes in and out of that device; does anyone have recommendations for parental control/monitoring software?

DeeDee

My DD is 14 and still does not have her own Smart Phone. She has, however, had a cellular phone since she was about nine years old (for safety reasons). She has been extremely responsible about her phone(s) over the years-- she's on her third one now.



1. two words for you-- FEATURE PHONE.

2. Texting, yes-- if you think that he'll be responsible with it. We only recently gave DD unlimited texting and a keyboard-phone with a touchscreen. She hasn't abused the privilege, but it does get a little annoying from time to time.

3. Ask at the store how to turn OFF data/network functions like web access and e-mail. We did this with her first two phones... a flip-phone that probably isn't even made anymore, and then a Samsung Convoy which was bulletproof and had the battery life of a space telescope-- 2 weeks on a single charge, EASY. No kidding.

4. Find out about a camera-phone's pros and cons before you make a decision. There are some places where it will NOT be permitted, and could get him in trouble if he has it with him. There are a few phones without cameras, but you'll need to know ahead of time if it's a priority, since that will narrow choices considerably.

Honestly, we've never regretted getting DD her own phone.

Thanks, HK.

The only reason I would consider a smart phone is that you can apparently get parental controls that let you monitor the content of all texts. DS was bullied last year, and will remain a target. I am not eager to let him have texting unless I can see what's being said. (I realize this sounds controlling, but he has autism, and errors of judgment could easily go both ways, in and out of that phone.)

So far I haven't found a feature phone that would let us do that. But I agree, so much less an issue than a smart phone. (OTOH, one can disable the Web on a smartphone too.)

DeeDee

DeeDee our DD doesn't have a phone but we had to disable messaging on her iPod because she just could not be trusted to make good judgement calls with it. 50 messages to the same friend asking why they hadn't responded yet, that sort of thing. Misunderstandigs with friends blown out of control. She also has Aspergers and it seemed to me like messaging/text posed issues that phone, FaceTime and email just haven't. Not that she's taken to any of those the way she did messaging...

You don't sound controlling you sound reasonable and sensible.

Same concerns here, Dee Dee; our DD(13) has had a smartphone for about a year. We haven't found any helpful software yet, so curious to see if anyone chimes in on that question. We do read DD's texts daily, she is aware of this and it has worked ok so far, though she is very responsible and I trust her (like you, more concerned with judgement and other kids' texts). We had an issue where she was deleting things, (to save data space, supposedly; at this point, she is supposed to let us know prior to deleting things, and I am trusting her).

The only issue that has been a problem is that on a few instances, another kid has "borrowed" the phone for a minute and sent texts pretending to be DD. apparently this is common (??) and mostly just meant in silly/teasing ways, but in the incidents we had, the language was a bit salty, and the words were definitely not DDs, so much so that I doubt the recipients were fooled. Still, lending the phone, even for a minute, is now a big no-no punishable by loss of phone. DD was uncomfortable with the borrowing situation and knew it was wrong, but caved to the group peer pressure- she's generally really good about stuff like that, but the power of the group can be hard to resist even for strong kids.

Just FYI, I may sound paranoid, but like you we have lived through some bullying and I know the culture at her school, so I intermittently stalk some of the social media sites. DD does not participate in social media but most of the kids driving the school culture do, and many of the sites are public and easy to view. Probably the worst site frequently used around here is ask.fm; a site where kids ask questions anonymously and the account user answers. Some stuff is inane, but there are all sorts of rankings of kids, discussions of sexual topics, foul language, lots of hate and talk of self-harm and suicide. The vitriol and abuse on the site is quite shocking- it's hard to know why anyone would let their kids use it, but reading it helps me have a little insight into what is going on amongst some of the "power players" in the school, and allows me to make sure DD isn't mentioned, etc.

Curious, HK, as to where camera phones are prohibited; our school takes phones away if they are out during school hours, and I know they are prohibited in exams, but generally kids check them with the proctor (or leave them home) in those situations, and it applies to all phones, not just camera phones.

Some field trips sites would also be no-no's, gyms and some other after-school activities, etc. Most of the time, it's places where adults would never even know about the prohibition (adults having significantly better judgment than to pull out a phone in a locker room, KWIM?) So, sort of like school.

It's also particularly important to emphasize to kids with camera phones that what they send is pretty much PUBLIC at that point... and that anything inappropriate is a violation of federal statutes and that there HAVE been cases of kids being prosecuted for what they thought were "joke" photos.

"Look, it's my butt" is "child porn" in the wrong perspective, KWIM?

I don't know of any software-- but I agree that Aspies in particular may have trouble with the medium of texting, socially speaking. DD's ex-boyfriend STILL occasionally texts her and it's been well over a year. He absolutely inundated her with texts for a long time-- as many as 50-60 DAILY until she specifically told him "do not text me any more." (Even that was apparently a "suggestion" rather than a prohibition... so while this is an N of one, other parents of Aspie boys have definitely identified with that particular story and used it to talk to their sons about appropriate social boundaries, which are pretty undefined surrounding texting.)


Like Cricket, our rule is that we can ALWAYS read DD's messages. (This also applies to Skype, e-mail and Facebook.) We don't, always-- but we CAN. Without notice.

We did keep tabs on her for a while. Basically, I still do if something makes my radar twinge.

(This is how I determined that she was being reeled in by a peer who was/is indubitably a person with classic NPD. Heaven knows that kid was not showing ME what he was up to with HER. There are definitely some peers even in young adolescents who are bad, bad news.)

I know of no tracking software for Android or Windows phones, certainly. Not sure if iPhone has something.

Our rule there was "you have to hand ME your phone if you need to delete messages." If you delete messages (and we CAN see that indirectly through Verizon) then you'll lose the privileges associated with having your phone. (This is carefully phrased because the bottom line is that when she isn't with us, she HAS to have a working cell phone.)

Some excellent advice here.

Mobicip offers parental controls for all smartphones/tablets, etc. but I know the iPhone can be locked down pretty well too. I'm currently using Kidsmail for my 10yo ds' email he recently asked to have. I receive copies of all incoming and outgoing emails without having to check. I can also deny a message getting thru to him which I did one which I did not recognize and seemed like phishing. Netnanny is another one though I'm not sure what it's full capabilities are. None are free.

Shannon L.

Thanks, sblora. So far I have found a few third-party solutions-- but they all seem to require Smartphones.

http://www.phonesheriff.com/features.html

http://www.totaldefense.com/shop/total-defense-mobile-security.aspx

I will keep looking and report back.

DeeDee

We got a very inexpensive ($15?) Dumbphone at Target last year. No parental controls are needed because the phone's capabilities are so limited. It requires a pay-by-the-minute contract, which are very inexpensive if you are not using very many minutes. The kids only use it for safety/convenience when they are out without us.