Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Advocacy strategies

It's that time of year again...time for the new school year and hopes that this year, things will be different mixed with fears of yeah, right, like that's gonna happen.

I thought I'd start a thread with advocacy strategies. Perhaps we can use this thread to consolidate information over time. What have you done? Did it work? Did it go down in flames? Something in between?

I sent an email to DD's new teacher last night about math. I tried a new strategy this year. I wrote that grade-level math is mostly quite easy for my DD, and that the problem with this situation is that she shuts down when she's confronted with something that isn't easy. Also noted: the problem seems to come from DD not understanding that This is harder than usual does not mean AND THEREFORE I CAN’T DO IT.

I mentioned that I've been reminding DD to think about the last time she had to do something difficult and how she managed to learn it during the lesson. She responds well, but I added that the message needs to be internalized, which will only come with consistent, appropriate challenge.

[sigh] It all seemed so reasonable, but we all know how this stuff can go.

I will update later regarding success or failure.

Great idea Val!

I have been using lots of strategies learned here. I have been very successful in that I got accommodations but not so successful in that it isn't really enough. But using the wisdom of those who BTDT, this will satisfy for now so it's ok - worry about in two years, later!

The number 1 thing that has worked for me is respect - there are some real PITA parents at DS's gifted school. So when approaching this I made sure to make it clear that I respected their expertise. And I have ILs who are teachers and nothing burns them more than parents who treat them like they don't know what they are doing. Granted often they don't have expertise in gifted kids or work outside the level they usual do, but if you go in assuming you need to "educate" them it's going to go badly. We are fortunate in that at a gifted school, the teachers do a lot of development in giftedness.

2. Recognize when there are things you cannot argue them out of. My DS's principal was adamant that he not go to the middle school for learning, even though in certain subjects he might have surpassed them. This wasn't about learning this was about big kids and little kids and since we cannot accelerate, it wouldn't have been practical anyway. We ended up finding another accommodation which is working ok. But if I had been pushing for something that was never going to happen everyone was going to be unhappy. This isn't to say don't ask for acceleration just be on the look out for things that just WILL not happen. Now if that's exactly what you need to happen then disregard this!

3. Get involved in the school. Being there, having people know your name is a good thing to do before you have to ask for something

4. Know your DC's shortcomings. Be honest about behavior. Make sure you know what your kid is actually doing before going over the head of the teacher.

5. Avoid the B word at all costs. Boredom can rub people the wrong way.

6. Try to find out what the other kids are doing - can be hard sometimes but very helpful to determine if DC is really needing something not provided, or if the whole class or prt of the class needs it, or DC is just not interested. And as the parent of a DS, I will generalize and say that tuning out can be because of being too easy and repetitive but can also be due to lack of interest due to regular old lack of interest.

Just some of my thoughts. We are in a very good situation though, it's a gifted school, and they recognize that DS is quite different from his classmates. But they handle it well and since we cannot homeschool this is working. For Now

DeHe

Last year I went in a two weeks after school started for a conference with a visual aid. I went in and said that I didn't know what a typical child in their 2nd grade class (he was team taught with two teachers)did over the summer but my son spent hours swimming on the swim team each day, played outside, played way too many video games and watched his fair share of TV and then showed them the contents of a shopping bag of a good representation of all the books he read over the 78 day vacation. The books we didn't own and had checked out of the library I had listed on a piece of paper to the best of my recollection. Apparently it was outside the realm of normal amount of reading (and most of them well above level) to make their eyes go wide with disbelief. He wasn't yet tested for gifted at that point (but they knew he was on the list for testing)--not until right before Thanksgiving did he get tested. But during that conference I think they got the idea that he was something they hadn't seen before in this town.

Both teachers said that they were taking gifted classes and had already been trying out various things they were learning on differentiating and compacting on him because they had noticed that his rate of learning was so fast. So I guess it was pretty obvious without the conference but it was nice to come together as a team. And I would say we worked well together as a team the whole year. I assumed that they had his best interest in mind and I was so pleased that they totally rose to my expectations.

I guess my advice is to admit you might not know exactly what typical developing children are doing (even if you have some idea) and just share what your child is capable of accomplishing and don't be afraid to use a visual aid or other documentation to let the teachers get to know more about your child.

Great advice, DeHe

polarbear

Thanks! But I can't take credit for any of them, as they all came from wise people when I got here. But that's what is great about the site, they shared with us and we share going forward. But I will take credit for effective summarizing!!!

DeHe

Avoid the OTHER b-word, too. Particularly in meetings. No, seriously, though. Even in your own thinking about the people who are acting as stumbling blocks in your efforts to advocate. Don't let your brain off its leash, because once you start THINKING those kinds of things, it shows.

Remember to be patient, because you all want the same things. Really. You just disagree about how to go about getting to those goals. You're really on the same team.

Well. So much for that.

DD's teacher up and quit in favor of a better offer earlier this week. Back to square, well, (feels like) minus one.

Now I'll have to print out the email and hand it to the new teacher at a back-to-school get together on Sunday. School starts on Wednesday. I was hoping that my message would give the teacher a few days to think, followed by a gentle conversation at the get-together, followed by more thinking. Now I just have to hand it off to her on Sunday and hope for the best.

Advice appreciated. What would you do in this situation?

FWIW, I've been reviewing math with my daughter. What she can get through in one hour surprises me, and I'm her mom. Today we did 20 words-to-equations problems from Chapter 1 of an algebra book, followed by elapsed time practice (10:30 am to 12:43 pm = how much time?), area/perimeter practice (odd shapes), divisibility rules, circle the primes, decimal places, decimal division, and factors. Then I taught her how to get prime factors. This was all in less than one hour. She did ~70 problems and got ~95% of them right. And they might make her plod through 5th grade math.

Help!

Is this where I admit that I have never been successful with any advocacy?

Yeah.

I did move my kid to a better program. Does that count?

Val, do you have achievement testing scores in math? MAP, Key Math, anything that would show her level?

We requested in, I think, 2nd or 3rd grade that school assess DS. They were to give DS the end of 4th tests for a skip into an accelerated track a year ahead. (They "accidentally"--or on purpose, I don't know-- gave him some of the end of 5th tests, which helped enormously.) In 4th we got EXPLORE test scores, which again did not give us a true level (knew too much) but was helpful in demonstrating the problem in a way that everyone could see.

In short: marshal evidence, find out the acceleration process in your district, and make a request in writing...

DeeDee

Oh, I thought we were talking about the other "b" word, "best."

Public schools don't guarantee the best placement or education-- they guarantee an "appropriate" education. I have learned to use "appropriate" as the word describing what I think must happen...

DeeDee

In all seriousness, I will be watching this thread closely, because this looks like our year to really get ourselves together and actually advocate for real. We have the....in some ways fortunate (???) situation of a child who is very sweet and endearing but who WILL cry and become despairing over school if it is not working for him. He is also very outgoing and does not conceal his abilities. Furthermore, he had contact with one of the teachers on his grade team over the summer (she was a counselor at his camp) and she already appears to be familiar with his abilities ("Ah...DSname...yup, we all know about YOU!" was what I heard at back to school.) I think this is something I can leverage a little better than other situations.

I think that one of the most important advocacy tools you can have is an understanding of your particular school's institutional dynamics. When DD started K at what turned out to be a horrible inter district magnet I thought we were dealing with giftedness coupled with some challenges that could be easily overcome. I became "that parent" in a good way. I did anything and everything I could to help out in the school. Every teacher and most students knew me. The principal was out injured most of the year but I harnessed the Asst Principal as a strong ally. This did not help with the bully teacher DD was assigned but it helped get her moved to another classroom. It did not help in any way with getting them to be willing to assess DD for learning disabilities because that was a district wide culture. Suburban kids were there to help with their test scores not to sap resources. I learned too late for DD's sake that it was not a situation that could have worked for her no matter what efforts I made.

When we transferred to our local elementary after her 2E identification I started off grateful as could be. I was in tears thanking everyone for their help. Parent involvement at the school was strictly limited but I joined every PTA committee and volunteered at any and all opportunities. She had a wonderful 1st grade teacher and a wonderful spec ed teacher. However the principal who ran the school was totally toxic and unqualified. She made it her mission to put every possible stumbling block in DD's way. If her anxiety was increased enough DD would be transferred (by us or by the district) to another school and would no longer be her problem.

Once this writing was on the wall I took as opposite a tactic as I could. I armed myself with knowledge and with professionals. We now have an educational consultant, a spec ed attorney and a psychologist well versed in 2E and educational issues. Accountability has become my mantra. I quote the IEP, the law and the district's words back to them. I am always on guard.

I have to say that the last tactic has been the most effective but it is not one I recommend unless/until you have exhausted all others and it is really your only choice. It is not for the faint of heart and has taken its toll on me - emotionally, psychologically, physically, financially - in every way imaginable. In the end we got the district to do everything they could to help DD to succeed, to approve paying for out of district placement when it became apparent that they could not meet her needs themselves and even to remove that horrible principal from her position once we documented enough of what had been going on.

So I would suggest gaining as much knowledge as you can as you try to advocate for your child. Document, document, document. Test scores and work samples go a long way. Professionals to advocate for your position are enormously helpful. Ideally try to deal with the teachers and administrators as partners but prepared if this doesn't work out. Yes they want your child to succeed - they really do. But they have rules and mandates and precedents to worry about. Their top loyalty is generally to their district. You may find someone like that first Asst Principal I worked with who will do whatever s/he can to help but at a certain point they hit a wall. That is just the reality.

Good luck. This advocacy stuff is hard, hard work. I think at some point most of us have beaten ourselves up because we wish we had said or done something differently. I like to try to remember that there is a steep, steep learning curve with this stuff and often times districts take advantage of that fact. They have protocols and rules because they have been down this road before. For most of us it is our first journey or one that has been completed with only 1 or 2 older children. So learn as much as you can, as fast as you can, but understand that you are working within a system that is designed by the district to protect the district. Keep your eyes open and don't be too hard on yourself.

Powerful advice, Pemberley.

Pemb, how is the new school year launching for you?

DeeDee

Well said Pemberley! I completely agree about the learning curve. Our DD is going into 1st grade. We've got a lot to learn. SENG parent groups can be a good resource, but unfortunately our district doesn't have any.

Good luck!

For people interested in learning more about education law you might check out your state bar association for continuing education opportunities in education law.

Here is one in WA:
http://depts.washington.edu/slawd/index.php

This one is a three day conference so it is a bit pricey. These things are usually open to anyone.

I am going to disagree with you a bit, HK. I was recently at a board of ed meeting advocating for the needs of all above level learners. This is one remark I got from one of the board members after my opening statement: "Let the little geniuses go somewhere else then. She how well they do in another school where they are no longer the big fishes. We have other children that have greater needs."

I left that meeting thinking that we were definitely not on the same team. I also left feeling so profoundly sad about the state of education in the US. [/i][i]

Yes, it IS fortunate... Maybe turbulent in the short term, but a kid whose needs are obtrusive is more likely to get them met.

DeeDee

DeeDee--The only thing is that he rarely cried at school last year--just at home. He was very "good" at school. Just eventually became somewhat withdrawn, with occasional tears of frustration about little things. Always perfectly obedient, though. (Not the case at home! But in a school environment, he is very eager to please.)

However, if given an opportunity, I know he will self-advocate. He would go on and on about why pre-K was not working for him last year. But they'd have to ask him.

I say withdrawn, but that's not really right...he was still talkative, but when given tasks, he looked totally sparkless in the classroom. Like a factory worker punching a clock.

I would add to the above:
*Burn no bridges. This is particularly important if your schooling choices are limited. For me, that almost certainly requires that I wait 24 hours before dealing with an issue so that emails and discussions remain as rational and non-emotional as possible. This also means not speaking negatively about school staff in front of your child.
*Treat all staff at the school as the professionals that they are. Acknowledge their expertise even as you gently guide them to see your child's unique needs.
*As they get older, teach your child how to positively self-advocate. That includes appropriate times and ways to ask the teacher for more, and helping your child find a way to talk to the teacher about being bored without saying "bored." In our case, we spend a lot of time talking about what the teacher's job is, and why the teacher is doing what he or she is doing. This gives DD the perspective to talk to the teacher when addressing particular issues where the level of the class was failing to meet DD's needs.
*Say thank you when someone does right by your child. Be specific with what went right. cc the principal.

somewhereonearth-- I think that what I'm suggesting isn't that it's always TRUE...

but, as geofizz notes as well--

nothing will be improved if you honestly believe your situation to be inherently and irretrievably "adversarial" with your child's school-- regardless of whether or not it seems true.

Mostly, a lack of cooperation indicates ignorance, not malice. (repeat internally as needed... LOL-- as MoN reports, this kind of thing DOES get results. They are always better than they would have been if you assume that interactions will be hostile... they just may not be what you'd like.)


Also-- know what your personal Rubicon is. Do not share that information with anyone outside of your family (and advocate/legal representative)-- but know what that is, and what plan B looks like. Be willing and able to walk away from plan A if/when it happens.

Master of none, way to go. It's great news that you've gotten your relative the necessary services. I'm also finding that these skills transfer. At the moment, I'm using them daily with contractors as we do a house renovation! Everyone's a professional. Everyone has certain constraints that tie their hands. Everyone wants to do the right thing. It's helping. Or so I tell myself.


Yes, well stated.

I must admit, when I started with the "burn no bridges" matra, I did not honestly believe that the staff had my child's best interest at heart. I have, however, learned to view the staff as having my child's best interest at heart. Maybe I'm deluding myself, but it really does feel as though that my attitude has made it so.

Hard data, as others have mentioned, have certainly greased the wheels.

This is really great. Thank you.

Congrats, MON. That's really wonderful!

Cross your fingers for us. The K classes are being completely reshuffled this week. If DS does not end up where we want him this will be a time to advocate. Ugh.

Everything crossed, Ultra.

DeeDee

@#$!@#!^&*!

Advocacy, here we come.

Maintain positive problem-solving attitude, full speed ahead.

DeeDee

Deep breath and sleeves up, ultramarina.

I've been back over this thread and few others in anticipation of our big meeting tomorrow. DS7 was subject accelerated once a week last year. The school went back and forth and has finally decided to not to continue to accelerate him. They got a fancy new fangled differentiation program for the whole school and no one needs acceleration anymore! So, DS7 will effectively be held back by a few years and stay with his classmates but the differentiation will be so awesome he won't even notice a thing!

Sorry for the sarcasm. Anyway, DH and I have a well researched plan in place to counter the school's backtracking. Part of our problem is that I didn't realize soon enough, last year, that the school was just blowing smoke and nothing was going to happen. So, I didn't get to look around at other schools until a month ago. I did find a good private montessori that claims to provide all the acceleration we need, but I'm not really sure about it. I feel like I need more time.

I guess I'm writing just to thank everyone for contributing to this and other advocacy threads. Wish us luck. Hopefully I won't cry at this meeting tomorrow.

Mental math-- really works to prevent the waterworks. (Who told me that?? I think this was something I learned from someone here, actually.)

I skimmed the thread so I apologize if I am being redundant. Here are a few things that I have found helpful:
1) after every meeting, I write a confirming email and ask for people's input if I got something wrong. I include who is supposed to do what by what date. If something important didn't get assigned to someone with a deadline, I ask for this as part of the followup.
2) figure out what is crucial and come up with an exit strategy if that crucial thing doesn't happen, i.e. change schools, home school,etc. I find that knowing my options if the worst happens helps me not feel trapped in the situation. With my 2e kid this has helped me a lot.
3) I have had to work on letting go of past wrongs. Ok, maybe the 1st gade teacher did something crappy but we are in X grade now. What do we need to move forward from where we are right now.

On that note, I have something that helped and though it won't be helpful to most, I will mention it. We public cyber schooled for the year. PSs hate that bc they fund it. I know they particularly hate it here bc they have empty seats. We had a wonderful gifted program in the cyber school that allowed ds to accelerate at whatever rate he needed to through the coursework and many options available in HS. Then we told the ps to help us with his LD's or keep paying for it. I have never received such a warm welcome It was our bargaining chip. Not sure what other bargaining chip people can come up with for public school but there are good cyber schools out there for the gifted so that's another option. It also made me more confident bc we had an alternative to the ps. I wasn't just begging.

Brownie

... but be aware that there are some combinations of disability/other needs that make it "totally worth" losing you to a cyberschool (or even homeschool) from the public school's perspective.

All we've ever gotten locally is "Wow, sure glad you aren't OUR problem. Have a nice day."

Though, to be sure, I've used that, too-- "Gee, if you do this ONE day thing for us, we'll be back out of your hair. Just imagine if she was yours FULL-TIME."