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Gone

Just wondering if they let your DD know the limits ahead of time (I guess that would include time limits, and limits on what activities are permitted?). With our DD, when she was younger, as long as you spelled out the rules ahead of time and the consequences if she broke them (so that she could choose to follow the rules or not) and then followed through promptly but fairly (i.e., with the consequence that was set out), things worked pretty well. When this did not happen (when the rules were not clear, or the consequences unforeseen), she often reacted badly. Could that be happening with your DD?

Good luck!

A behavior therapist would tell you that yes, rewarding undesirable behavior will definitely get you more of that behavior behavior. So letting her get out of the class is a problem, since she's using the bad behavior to get what she wants.

You need to set it up so that being there is more rewarding for her than not being there, and so that "breaks" are on the teacher's schedule, not hers. Find her currency and use it. It's OK to schedule in extra breaks for a kid who needs it, but certainly not if she demands the break by threatening people.

Does she have an IEP going into the public kindergarten? Setting up a situation like this for success usually takes extra manpower (e.g. a special ed teacher or aide who's there to dole out appropriate prompts, rewards, and consequences so that the classroom teacher isn't tied up dealing only with one kid's behavior).

HTH,
DeeDee

Good grief. Are these BCBA (board-certified) behavior therapists? Forgive my skepticism.

Time to sit down with them for a good chat, at a time when DD's not around and you can focus on the problem at hand.

DeeDee

moomin - is this in any way related to the introduction of the glasses? Did it start after the glasses, or worsen after the glasses were added? could she still be working out how to function in a seemingly different world?

But really my first response was - she's smarter than her teachers and knows it and is working them...

I had to re-read your post a few times with regard to the teacher and neuropsych saying that it would be detrimental to remove her from the class, I was thinking "Huh? THEY are the ones doing the removing!" then realised you are considering not sending her to this preschool/class at all and they think THAT would be detrimental? I can't see how, if they think rewarding her bad behaviour with exactly what she wants, that these teachers can possibly know what is best for your child?

Could some of the opposition be related to her anticipation of the transition towards primary? Appreciation of moving on can be very freeing, and she's earned her graduation already. Also, could she be responding to a summer schedule with lesser structure or intellectually stimulating enrichment, or the heat? I agree she's wrapped them for now (part of me is inclined to pat her on the back for manipulating her environment "successfully"), and that it may be a good time for a couple of chats - one with her teachers and one with her. Good thoughts with her for kindergarten. -Jenna

oh, this rings a bell... our kid never acted out in class - she "worked" her teachers in another way (blending in) - but we definitely saw this kind of aggressiveness at home. it took a while to figure out where it was coming from, but it turned out she was exhausted by trying to maintain her mood all day long in an environment that was so toxic for her, and she just let it rip once she got home. she absolutely saw her teachers as stupid/not trustworthy and she was completely able to articulate that - once i learned to ask questions that were open-ended enough!

so i guess what i'm saying is good for you for looking into it - a prolonged behavioural change really does warrant an investigation... it may just be a simple transition issue, or a specific peer issue, or maybe something to do with your DD having a longer attention-span than her age-peers - or something deeper.

i wonder - what does your daughter say about the class/what's happening?

Moomin, I'm so sorry to hear your dd is still struggling - and I agree with the others - if she feels she's being rewarded by being removed from the classroom, it's not going to help resolve the behavior issues. I do wonder though if perhaps the teachers feel they have to remove her? while it's not the best solution for yr dd, if she's hitting and kicking the teacher has to do something to separate her from the other students in that moment so they aren't injured.

I'm curious why the neuropsych and teacher feel its important for her to remain in the class - Im guessing if it's led by behavioral-trained teachers there are possibly behavior goals? Is thy part of the kindergarten prep? Does she have an IEP in place now or set up for Kindergarten in the fall? I would worry less about what is happening in this classroom for the next three weeks and focus on making sure that she has appropriate accommodations and support in place for the fall and kindergarten.

Best Wishes,

polarbear

Well, in some respects, she has developed some exceptional coping skills.

It's just that they revolve around manipulating the situation so that it better aligns with what she wants-- rather than coping with what she doesn't. On the bright side, she has really learned a lot and is being much more proactive about her circumstances. Er-- well, sort of good news, anyway.

It's unfortunate that the adults in charge there can't see past the surface to consider what you've tried to point out.

My daughter did this off and on throughout kindergarten-- act aggressive to get sent to the principal's office, where she would draw and hobnob with other, mostly older, "maladaptives" (haha) who she started to really like. But I understood them having to send her out, like polarbear said, its about the safety and perception of safety and perception of punishment, to the kids being threatened and hit (in my daughter's case- she was hitting).I totally get that. Over time, it backfired because my daughter started noticing that her peers (the ones in her class) disliked her, were alienating her, because of her behaviors. She started to care, and that changed the way she acted (sometimes!). Even if your daughter has disdain for the kids in her class, she may not want to be identified as the kid who keeps getting kicked out for being out of control and bully-ish.