Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional When did this happen for your kid?

When did your 2e kid start saying

"This [task/assignment/situation] is [difficult/impossible] because of my [insert diagnosis here]"

Instead of

"I [can't/don't want to] do this [task/assignment/situation] because it is [boring/too hard/too easy/stupid]"

Just curious.

During first grade DD developed migraines so we ended up doing a lot of neurological testing. It was amazing to me that every single doctor - both in patient and out patient - insisted on talking to us about all of this with her in the room. I would hand her my iPhone to play with but of course she still heard every word. After this instead of just saying "my hand hurts" while writing she would say "I have a fine motor deficit" or even "my fine motor deficit is making my hand hurt."

During second grade she has grasped that she is "crazy smart" (our words) and she "learns differently". When she recently missed a day of school to spend the day at the 2E school we are trying to get her placed at her friends asked where she had been. Apparently she said to them "Well, you know how I learn differently." "Oh yeah!" "Well my parents found a school for kids that learn the way that I need to learn." "Great!" (We told her to leave out the "crazy smart" part when talking to the other kids because they could interpret it as an insult. She got that 100% too.)

Interestingly as she started internalizing "I learn differently" more her headaches, stomach aches and other somatic complaints dramatically decreased.

Pemberley- Fantastic!

Immediately upon diagnosis at 6. He would read things and try to overhear. He wanted answers as much as we did and he is very open when adults ask him to do something or criticize him when he can't do what they ask. He's really an incredible little advocate for himself. Sometimes I think he's more brave and unashamed than I am. Never would have intentionally put him in that spot but he feels empowered by diagnosis and explains things with simple clarity to the dumbfounded adults.

Spin off questions -

So it sounds like getting a diagnosis helped with self advocacy.

How did you handle the pre-diagnosis time?

I have about 4 months to go. At this point I would take "my hand hurts" over "I don't like this". When I ask the follow up question "why?", I might get "my hand hurts" or "I think this is boring and want to play". All of which are probably true.

Did you talk about what you think is going on? I have been hesitant to do that in case I am wrong.

Like putting out fires. :-/ One improv after another.


Actually, we did develop a fairly firm family strategy about this. I wouldn't use a diagnostic name unless one has been offered AND you are convinced it fits. But we do name/label all difficulties, referring mainly to how we think it feels. Like this:

"I see that this writing job is feeling difficult for you right now. Let's make a plan. Would it be easier to do it for 5 minutes, take a break for 3, and so on till it's done?"

"Right now you're feeling frustrated. Let's take a moment and take a breath."

"This homework doesn't feel like fun to you; but I think you'll be able to get it done very soon, and maybe you'll want to do X afterward."

"I think you're feeling dissatisfied. What don't you like right now?"

"Does that hurt?"

HTH,
DeeDee

KJP - can you refresh my memory as to age and issues your child is dealing with?

We have long discussed things with DD in terms of people being different. We live in an area with every conceivable religion, culture, nationality, lifestyle, etc. From the time she was little we explained "Different people believe different things and that's ok" to explain differences in dress, holidays, etc. That was a natural lead in to "Different people are good at/have trouble with different things." DH used himself as an example and told her "People like you and me have to learn things in a different way." He also explained "Most teachers go to school to learn to teach a certain way and that's fine for most kids. But people like you and me have to learn things differently. Luckily some teachers, like Mrs. Wonderful Spec Ed teacher, go to school to learn how to teach the way that you and I need to learn. You're so lucky to have her. When I was in school I didn't have someone like Mrs. Wonderful Spec Ed teacher so I had to figure it all out myself." This explanation has helped enormously! I can't emphasize enough what a difference it has made.

Last year I posted here about DD and I watching the Disney channel when one of their young actresses, Bella Thorne, came on doing a PSA about having dyslexia. I was terrified about how DD would react but she was thrilled. That was the first time she realized that there were other people experiencing the same thing. Prior to that I was afraid to label or discuss much about the LD issues. As she gets older we will get into more specifics but for now the "learns differently" seems to be enough.

I'm kind of anti-diagnosis at the moment as the school is seeing DS as being remedial because of his ADHD. So, when he daydreams because he's bored, they think he's zoning out because of his ADHD. (Sometimes he does, but sometimes he's actually BORED). What do they do? Make the work easier, which disengages him even further. It SUCKS. I regret disclosing the diagnosis.

Pem, He is five. At this point my theory is that he is a gifted dyslexic with a connective tissue disorder and a strong creative streak.

The reasons I think this:

Gifted - 99.9+ WPPSI last year

Dyslexic - FIL is dyslexic, numerous letter and number reversals and inversions, will read "was" as "saw", will read "seat" as "chair", "hop" as "jump", etc. He has an assessment with the Eides, authors of the Dyslexic Advantage in Oct.

Connective Tissue Disorder - specifically Ehlers Danlos Syndrome (EDS). I have it. He has a 50% chance of getting it from me. He has many symptoms. My geneticist has referred him to a geneticist at our local children's hospital. He'll be seen in Sept. EDS could be causing the dysgraphia, dyspraxia, SPD type symptoms for which he has been in OT the last year.

The odd silver lining with the EDS is that the school accommodations are similar to dyslexia. Extra time, frequent breaks to stretch and walk around, a scribe, oral exams, etc. are all listed by the national foundation as accommodations to consider.

As I understand it, working with schools on accommodations for a gifted dyslexic can be a problem. Especially if the student is meeting the school's standard but not their own potential. I have even heard of some schools refusing to admit dyslexia exists.

EDS is very rare but real and a demonstration of the impact is shocking. EDSers were the contortionists and side show freaks of old time carnivals. I think a demonstration of the following would convince even the most skeptical school admin. that accomodations were necessary:

easily dislocate every finger
lay his fingers along the inside of his forearm (try it, I think most people would have to break a wrist to do this)
rotate his hands 360 degrees (try right palm flat on table and keep turning clockwise until the hand is back where it started (arm will look like wrung towel))
hyper extend his elbows
maybe dislocate his shoulders

That just covers the parts that might be involved in writing.

Before anyone thinks I am torturing the poor kid, this is how these demos usually go:

DS: Mom, can you do this?
Me: Where is your elbow? Bend it for a sec so I can see which way to go. Yep I can do it.
DS: Can not bendy people do it?
Me: Probably not. Lets ask dad.
DH: What?! (Shielding eyes) No, no, no that is painful to see and very not normal. Please everyone put their limbs back in their normal positions.
DS and Me: (shrug and laugh)

It doesn't hurt. I discourage him from testing his limits too often but every little kid is curious about their body and his is just extra interesting.

Pretty crazy stuff huh?

KJP, I am waiting for the geneticist appt to have the children checked for eds hyper mobility type and my diagnosis changed from BJHS to EDS. I thought I already was diagnosed type3, but apparently not, and apparently by the wrong sort of dr anyway, I have all the other problems that suggest EDS over BJHS.

We are not as bendy as you, but my 6 yr old had to wear a custom made brace for learning handwriting, still needs big chunky pencil grips (so do I) and will need to move on to typing very young. She had a lot of reversals too, in reading and writing, but they've resolved pretty easily and I really don't think of her as dyslexic, maybe because I have a gifted child that took 3 years to learn the alphabet....

We are having real problems both with figuring out ourselves, let alone getting school to have a clue, what to do about my 11yr old with regards to things like class bush walking excursions, endurance swims in swimming class (once a term instead of normal lessons), teacher encouraging her to try out for regional soccer club (she blatantly doesn't meet the criteria, but even if she did we'd never want her to play a sport like that at a high level and risk a bad injury young)... It is very hard figure out the right line between not wanting to underestimate or discourage a "can do" attitude v. setting her up for failure, injury, etc. and the common sense approach of "walk until you've had enough and the call to be picked up" results in her standing out like even more of a sore thumb....

The kids with overt disabilities get cheered on by the whole school as they do their best at sports day, as it's so obviously impressive for a child with a problem walking to do what they can. Looking normal, being able to do stuff some of the time, but not others, it's just a recipe for being teased.