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    Joined: Aug 2012
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    Dd7 is wishing she was normal. As part of dealing with that we've been talking about the benefits/enjoyable things about being gifted. We've come up with half a dozen or so things and it's given her a bit of a boost, but it's been harder than I expected and I'm keen to know - what do you and/or your kids love about being gifted?

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    I know what I love about being gifted, and this is how I explain it to my daughter. It doesn't guarantee wealth or success, but it is an almost automatic ticket to the "smart, interesting people club." I have an awesome group of mom friends and old college friends, and friends from other places, and my daughter likes them and knows them, and sees how much I enjoy them and what they mean to me. And we explain that dad and I met because we were both in this same club. My husband is a dr., and his colleagues and college friends also tend to be smart, interesting people. We are talking about adults who are teachers, doctors, writers, theater directors, lawyers who are forging their own quirky professional path, social workers who also flip houses on the side, Jungian analysts, lawyers who work in human rights... My daughter knows, likes, and finds interesting, and I think she gets the value of this wonderful group of people that we know and the choices they have made to have interesting, meaningful, lives.

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    If you asked my DD8, she'd say, "Being weird!" By this she'd be referring to our generally Monty Python-esque behaviors and outlook on life (queue the ending to Life of Brian).

    In addition, we've explained that being gifted means having the ability to learn things quicker than other people, so what that means is that if there's anything out there we want to learn, we CAN learn it, and we can become just about as good as it as we'd like, as long as we're willing to put in the effort it requires. For example, our DD loves gymnastics, but being aware of the costs of becoming an Olympic champion, and firmly rejecting them, she has set her sights on what she'd like to achieve in gymnastics based on how much she's willing to invest in it... and she's very much enjoying her progress towards those goals.

    Most people are told, "You can be whatever you want to be," but that's not necessarily true, because not everyone can be a neurosurgeon, no matter how much effort they put in. But, barring any medical limitations, that's very much true for our kids.

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    It's a question that needs to be answered very carefully in order not to seem to be putting other people down, but for me it comes down to, as others have said, having choices. If I want to learn something new, e.g. in my case to switch field a bit in research, I can, and I have had the experience several times of switching into a subfield where others have been working for much longer than I have, and getting quickly to the stage of being able to contribute and hold my own. You could say that the upside of having to deal with things being boring at school is that you don't so often have to deal with things being boring as an adult.

    One probably shouldn't underestimate the importance of being able to get and keep a well-paid job, either. Of course being gifted is neither necessary nor sufficient for this, but again, it's about the likely availability of choice.


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    Originally Posted by master of none
    ...but it just strikes me as odd to defend to a child why a characteristic that concerns them is actually positive rather than having them work through what is bothering them and helping them to learn how to work with what they are given...


    Yes. That.

    I think the only thing that really boosts up my dd is when we have the most truthful talk, from my heart to her heart. When I reiterate that "you are wired differently" with a hug and complete acceptance.

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    I know others may disagree, but given a good childhood I do believe it is a guarantee for success. It is something that I feel very excited and relieved about for my sons.

    I tell my eldest that other six year olds have six year old brains, whereas it is like he has a nine year old brain so he can do things that nine year olds can.

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    As presented gifted is really just a label. What alternative is she really looking for?
    Does she wish she could be in a group with other people and not be able to understand what they are talking about?
    Does she wish she wasn't curious about the world and didn't find odd topics interesting and fun?
    Does she wish she could struggle in school and get Cs and Ds and be concerned about failing?
    Or does she wish others didn't notice her being different?

    Because one of the gifts of intelligence, is you can make any of those outcomes come to be; it provides choices that are multi-directionally. With less intelligence, those aren't choices.

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    Originally Posted by squishys
    I know others may disagree, but given a good childhood I do believe it is a guarantee for success.

    OK.

    I'll play.

    What is "success"?

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    Who said recently that "a swiftly tilting planet" by madeline l'engle was great in how it showed the feelings of gifted children. I know it showed the wonder of adventure. Maybe a few books like that, books that are full of wonder in a alternate world, will remind her what awesomeness is. You don't have to tell her, but if she enjoys it you can silently chalk another point to the beauty of giftedness because not everybody seems to enjoy getting lost in a good book. I don't know why.

    People badmouth competitions because of intrinsic versus external validation but competition can be fun if you're good at it and you'll hopefully be in competition with other kids who are nerds. The enjoyment a spelling bee provides is another quirky gift that's almost exclusively for the gifted. For some reason the enjoyment of nerd games is hidden from many other people.

    I know it's not Christmas but maybe you can surprise her with an out of level science kit "just because". I'm sure any seven year old would throw themselves into a chemistry set with abandon for weeks and weeks. That's a true gift, a nerd gift, an unexpected present from your parents. Or just wait for Christmas. Science kits are nerdy benefits anyway.

    It's almost summer. Do any of the gifted schools in your area have any kind of summer camp? I remember an old song "love isn't something you keep to yourself, you can't burry it, hide it, or store on a shelf.... love goes away if not practiced each day." I don't know if giftedness "goes away" or love either, but it's true that "smart" is not an object to be put on a shelf, it needs to be engaged to make any sense. Smart just isn't itself when it's in storage.

    And that, to me, is what's great about being gifted. I guess I'm saying show her, don't tell her.

    Last edited by La Texican; 05/20/13 07:34 AM. Reason: wait for Christmas

    Youth lives by personality, age lives by calculation. -- Aristotle on a calendar
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    To me, "success" (in your work life, which is where a high IQ would come in handy) is happiness in your career. To have a career you love, rather than a job who have to work. With a high IQ, you are more likely going to be able to achieve your career goals.

    I also believe that intelligent, successful people will end up with fellow intelligent, successful people- to which I believe will create a happier lifestyle.

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