Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Learning Environments And this is how I knew they didn't get it...

Oy.

I know that we've all heard some strange things from administrators and teachers.

So I have been working my hiney off for YEARS trying to explain to DD's school why it is NOT okay for her to shoot for "100%" as her sole goal... and how this is leading to maladaptive coping skills, etc. etc.

Well, you know.

I have also joked (cruelly, it's true) that we gave them a 6yo with a four hour attention span, and they have returned us an adolescent with a ten second attention span and a love of fast-moving slickly produced video clips which provide escape from mind-numbing drudgery.

This has officially dipped into surreal territory today, however-


You... don't... say...

{thud-thud-thud}

Evidently for students with particular challenges, this is good advice. For students who are operating well beyond the level of instruction, however, well, THOSE students need to learn... to shut up and work? To tolerate it better?


I'm not even sure how my DD is supposed to 'choose challenging' tasks. I guess she's been doing that already with her strategies. Maladaptive strategies, many of them, but hey-- she IS choosing her own challenges.

Staying on task IS challenging when the work is mind-numbing, eh?

No sure what to do about motivation, though. Hmm. Should I respond and ask this person for some tips? Heh.

What has illustrated the complete lack of authentic communication with your school, teacher, or administration?

Would the fact that the teacher asks me questions that I had already answered numerous times in the previous communication count in this category? I noticed that the teacher only seems to read / register my answers and communication that are directly answering her own questions. Anything additional goes unnoticed. Why do I even bother???

Just got DS4.9 retested for allergies today. Turns out things are even WORSE than we thought. This will once again lead to one big communication disaster! ... been there ... done that . And we are not even talking academics yet!

Me: we'd like to accelerate DS. He will have gaps in knowledge that will be quickly filled.
Teacher: DS has gaps. We shouldn't accelerate.

X3

Do you sometimes feel like you're at the convenience store?

Me, "That'll be all"

Store employee, "Would you like coffee today? Did you have gas out there? Need a paper?"

Me, "What part of that'll be all did you not understand?"

Oh, I have another one ... regarding DS3.2 speech and occupational therapy through the school district

me: "Do NOT push him too hard. He will shut down for you and that will be the end of it for months!"
special ed lady: "Oh, don't worry. We are used to kids crying!"

me: HUH???

... I should had known better when this "miss-conversation" happened! Now I'm ready to withdraw him from therapy due to him completely shutting down!

What has illustrated the complete lack of authentic communication with your school, teacher, or administration?

"you say your 5 year old wants to quit school. you know, all kids have a hard time adjusting to school, and allow me to assure you that her teachers are completely confident that everything is fine with her. the fact that YOU seem to think that our research-based methods aren't enough for your kid clearly illustrates the fact that YOU don't know your child as well as her teachers do."

i still want to smack my head on the desk.

oh! and one more: "she's perfectly average." it took me half the year to figure out that was an actual lie - and i still don't fully understand why the teachers thought it was necessary - i'm really not that scary and i wasn't asking for the moon. but for fully 5 months, i was picturing them having a class full of 4 year olds who enjoy reading Pulitzer prize-winning works about cancer... when in fact they really only had one.

Of course you don't. You've only been a parent to your child for the past 5 years! That's nothing compared to the time your child's teacher spends with her! grrr!

Teacher: I know he knows the curriculum, but just be happy you have a smart kid (in k)
Me: but he doesn't want to come and complains of being sick
Teacher: really? Seems fine to me.

From neuropsych eval (among other things), we found out ds feels that teacher and all his classmates don't like him. But he seems fine? Oh- ok. I must be crazy. (Feeling relieved that I am not crazy and what I thought about ds is right.)

"sometimes gifted kids just have to be miserably in elementary school." - This from the school districts so called "gifted coordinator."

I swear sometimes I want to bang my head against the wall.

My gifted coordinator: "Well, he definitely shows EVIDENCE of giftedness, but he doesn't really fit into our matrix, so we're not certain that he's really gifted."

158 on the WISC....

Grade 2 teacher (before school testing): "I don't think she's as smart as you think she is."

Grade 2 teacher (after school testing): "It turns out that she actually has ability that is several grades beyond her age peers."

It was actually kind of liberating, because the fact that they were so wrong initially was my cue to stop taking them seriously.

The Gifted Coordinator was being candid with you, what that person said is true in most public school districts who often don't have a gifted program at all until starting in likely the third grade and even then extremely limited. While you nor any other parent that frequents this forum doesn't like that answer, at least respect them for their honesty.

That would be true for our school district! Except ... we don't even have a gifted coordinator! ha! lol

I was considered lacking and retarded in elementary school. I never participated and refused to do my classwork due to the tedium and monotony. I find that feelings of boredom amongst gifted children are viewed as problematic; we are held back rather than promoted. I promise you things will get better though.

It was not until recently that I discovered I had an iq of 170; even though I have been teaching myself material and researching independently for years. The loneliness overwhelmed me and the "gifted" program at school--when I finally got in--still was not stimulating in middle school.

We are such a rarity that many in the school system do not know how to react to us. It is not necessarily an easy thing to be gifted--this disavows the expectations about giftedness.

Just hang in tehre and provide the best support you can. Sounds like you are already a good parent!

Classroom teacher - DS5(gr1) has been assessed at a level 11 for home readers as we want him to work on comprehension (what is there to comprehend about 'This is my nose. I use it to smell...'??) after we raised the issue that the readers were too easy and gave some examples of what he was reading at home. Made no difference until the gifted teacher assessed him and came back at 13 year old level. That caused some changes!

My all-time favorites from the folks who didn't get it:

Kindergarten teacher: "You just think he's smart because he sounds smart when he talks."

School psych: "Any child who can write their name at 5 can score at the 99.9th percentile on the WJ-III Cognitive test." Ironically, my ds is dysgraphic and had no idea how to write his name when he took the test... so I guess even 5 year olds who can't write their names can score at the 99.9th percentile.. but wait! Wouldn't that mean that all 5 year olds are at the 99.9th percentile???? Which leads to my next all-time favorite quote, from the head of the committee that chose the elementary math curriculum at my children's early elementary school:

"Then when I was 24 and I was shopping one day.... I finally *finally* got it - fractions made sense!"

~~~

And the all-time classic from one of ds' gifted teacher's who actually did get it, and was trying to discourage me from sending him to private school:

"Don't worry too much about where he goes to middle school. He's going to be bored anywhere he goes."

Yep, great. That pretty much sealed my decision not to keep him in our public school district...

polarbear

Why waste your perfectly good head when an empty one is within range?

Do you guys enjoy/appreciate being "gifted"?
Is it better to be in the average range?

It sometimes resembles a curse to learn things and retain them so quickly you (as a student) are penalyzed for posing excessive questions and challenging the textbooks.

Do any of you ever get the sense that professors/co workers/teachers/etc. view you as being "pretentious" or "rude" if you attempt to expound upon previously conducted work or ask for harder assignments?

I love being "gifted"; the benefits far outweigh the costs, IMHO.


Yes, I'd bet good money that each day at least one person finds my way of speaking pretentious/rude/elitist/adversarial/nitpicky/[fill in the blank]. Our household is an amalgam of management consulting, finance, economics, and corporate law...it goes with the territory. But, then, this way of speaking/thinking is what attracted DH and I to one another, so I'd say it paid off handily!

what circular reasoning. That, and an ad hominem. That is very sad. Hang in there--you will find people who understand (like this forum).

i've got a pack of (not so) hilarious stories, but my favourite one is from a university paper. the sole comment was: "too many short cuts. though the argument is sound and elegantly expressed, at this level the expectation is for students to define terms, rather than employ them. C-"

wheee

Ohhhh. Yes. BTDT.

Sigh.

DeeDee

Teacher: "last Monday, DS didn't know these 10 things. This Monday, he know them all. But yesterday we noticed he didn't know these 5 things. Today he seems to know it. This keeps happening. We just don't think he's as smart as you think."

Translation: we thought PG kids are telepathic and know everything!

In the middle of a contentious meeting, the principal stood up, said, "We can solve all of this if we just communicate better," and left the room.

The ironic thing is, she was right. If anyone on the other side of the table would have just LISTENED...

The final for my college speech class was a persuasive speech. I went last. After being treated to a variety of hopelessly dull subjects (one topic was "Why you should join the Navy"... the class was offered on board a navy ship), I presented, "Why you should help me take over the world." I went through a series of prepared arguments on how I would transform the world into a better place, then shifted into how the audience members would personally benefit by getting in on the ground floor. This included some ad-libbing, calling on individual classmates, asking them what they wanted most in the world, and telling them how, as World Emperor, I would fulfill their wishes beyond their wildest dreams.

The stated purpose of the class in the syllabus was to teach confidence and effectiveness in public speaking, and based on the reaction, I exceeded expectations. The audience loved it.

Well, all but one member.

The professor gave me a C, because, "You didn't take the assignment seriously enough." And because it was the final, that dropped my grade to a B.

ah yes, the lone commandment of school strikes again: know your true audience.

apparently, it all boils down to a game of one-on-one with the teacher. but you know, i still wish my 5 year old hadn't already learned that particular trick - it's just so incredibly depressing and damaging.

oh man, if ONLY they'd really gone for it and made you World Emperor - it all could have been fixed by the time DD came along!

DH pulled an incredible stunt (well, it's legendary, actually, at his high school alma mater) in HS biology.

It involved ramen noodles a lot of saran wrap, and a fetal pig for dissection, let's just say.

He got a three-day suspension and a stern lecture from the biology teacher who felt the need to impress upon him (and his parents) the fact that "school is for LEARNING, not for amusing yourself."

He also earned a B in the class for the stunt. He still has a shocking lack of contrition over it, I must say, claiming that it was the most interesting thing that ever happened in that particular classroom. LOL.

My MIL also tells the story about my DH's third grade teacher gently preparing her for the reality that "a child like {DH} may, with patience and time, be able to... do simple consumer math. Probably will need some assistance balancing a checkbook for a while, but can eventually learn those skills."

(My DH has a PhD in physical chemistry, by the way-- at least half of his graduate work was in advanced mathematics and theoretical physics.) In other words, he was bored and uncooperative and the teacher didn't even notice.

My own high school math teacher:

"{DD} would have a B in the class if her attendance grades were passing."

When my mother (recall, also a teacher) pressed for an explanation of the low subjective grading marks...

"Well, I just... don't LIKE {dd} very much. I suspect that the feeling is mutual, however."

(Really?? I was fifteen. years. old, and this guy had control over my grade-- and, because of my STEM interests, my future... I didn't come to class because he obviously loathed me and made it his mission to make me an object of shame and ridicule... and then he dinged me for not showing up... and yet I was still handily passing his stupid class.... This is the one time that my mother was actually dumbfounded and didn't blame ME for a school problem of some kind, so it was kind of worth it, even if he was the only one teaching advanced trig or calculus at my high school... )

My favorite gem is this one spoken to my sister in law by the counselor of the Catholic HS, "Farm girls don't go to college."

Thankfully she didn't listen and secured her doctorate in Journalism in the shortest time ever recorded at that state university.

I've had countless similar experiences, and it is nice to know that I am not alone in that arena =]

I was consistently considered "uninelligent" or "lacking" due to my absence of motivation for classes; this was a vicious cycle that diminished my self esteem for years.

Another story occured about a month ago with a professor I had. I came up with a research question combining neuroscience and physics with graph theory-- only to be told to "refrain" from studying any mathematics or excessively difficult questions that are beyond my grasp. I was then told to study the course material rather than come up with my own interpretations. Needless to say I recieved a B in this class for posing too many questions and not regurgitating the material imposed upon us by the professor.

I think a fair analysis is as follows:

Some fear that which they do not understand. Plain and simple.

DD5's teacher, after a very polite request for reading opportunities, complete with an offer to send in books:

'You should get her to look for the letter of the week on the pages of books'

I'm still not sure what part of 'she can read' was unclear...

Maybe the teacher can compile a list of things she sees on her daily commute that are the colour of the week, and then she and your DD can compare notes...

I was guessing that maybe this was a passive-aggressive technique intended to irritate the child who always has all those questions-questions-questions...

When I told my dd's teacher she was having panic attacks about coming to school because she was so lonely and they told me she needed to 'get over it'

Mine is the public health nurse (a lovely woman with a perfectly ND son the same age as ds6). "Some kids say they don't like school it doesn't mean anything". My response "well in my case it meant I didn't like school and dreaded it every Sunday night", her "but schools are different now". Well yes there is more of the stuff I hated (group work, time wasting brain dead rubbish etc) but nothing more challenging. And my IQ is probably at least 20 points lower than my son's if not more.

Well, this kind of says it all...

apparently, my DD's school just fired their only real gifted ed specialist. The person who has been our go-to for all manner of fit issues related to gifted stuff for eight years. The entire reason that we're still with the program. One of perhaps three teachers she's had that understand how to leverage the platform/environment into a working learning environment for a majority of learning styles.... and not coincidentally, the teacher who TAUGHT most of the others how to do that.

Nice. I don't really know what happened, but whatever it was, it was all over with in a few hours yesterday. This being a charter school, too, there is no union to prevent summary... er... sacking like this.

That makes me sad.

I'm astonished by the aforementioned posts and I don't think there is much understanding and appreciation for intellectual giftedness.

If anything, I'm so glad that I joined this forum so that I know I am not alone in my dilemmas.

I wish you all the best of luck here!