Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy What would you do (if anything)?

Wow, I got swamped at work and only just now have had the chance to follow up on this thread. Interesting that some people see no distinction and others do. I actually do see a distinction, but I had to reread my original post to see why this thread went in this direction. I see that it was unclear in my post, but I actually didn't intend to ask whether the specific comment should be addressed with her, but rather the more general negative atmosphere in the classroom that this statement illustrates. He was clearly wrong (I am not defending his behavior).


This is more my concern. He seems to have checked out and escapes into his book. Her primary complaint in the progress report is that he is presenting minimal effort in his schoolwork and "wanders" when he should be working. His grades range from Bs to A+s, with the exception of participation grades which are generally Cs and Bs (but these reflect her perspective that he is not putting in enough effort). There were NO positive comments on the grade report. I think she feels that he is smart enough to get A+s on everything (which of course he is) and isn't satisfied with his show of effort that results in Bs and up. The rude boy comment was only concerning to me because it seemed to illustrate a greater degree of frustration with him than I expected. But, your comments reminded me that her level of frustration at that moment may have been coming from other sources as well and he and I did talk about that.

I actually did email her (not about the rude comment but about the comments on the grade report), asking for a brainstorming session on how we can get him more engaged, what strategies she's tried, asking the gifted teacher for help. Her response was not really satisfactory and I am of the mindset at this point to simply focusing on trying to get him a teacher next year that gets him. He used to be such an enthusiastic learner and I see that dying out, which really bothers me. I am not implying that this is her fault, I think it happens a lot at this age, but I don't feel like she has addressed it in a way that will inspire him to re-engage in her class. And I have seen other teachers that can and do. So hopefully he will get a teacher next year that is a better fit for him. I have a meeting with the gifted teacher next year to see if she is able to influence his placement, since our district is insistent that parents get no say in such decisions.

Thanks for your comments. Sorry for the confusion. I'd love ideas/strategies on how to encourage more than "minimal effort" at school and help keep him invested in school rather than just putting in the minimum and then checking out mentally. That is my biggest concern here.

Your additional information/background definitely changes the way that I interpreted your initial posting.

I am having somewhat of a similar situation right now with my DD(8) in 3rd grade. She scores A's on all of her academics but is getting lower scores on her behavioral grades, such as organizational skills, excessive talking, not staying on task, and just recently, treating her peers with respect.

I did talk to my daughter about these areas and she could not seem to identify specific problems, so I had to talk to the teacher to identify them so my daughter and I could come up with a game plan to make some positive changes.

Her desk is messy (what can I say, she is a bit sloppy), she finishes her work early and starts trying to talk to others out of boredom (she needs harder work), and the issue with respecting her peers was a single incident when she provided critical feedback during a reading group and the student who received the feedback cried. I did have to talk with her about not sharing criticism at school, but honestly, I was dumbfounded that a one time incident where she was not intentionally or maliciously offensive could result in a lower grade on her report card. The specific incident was that there were 4 girls in a reading group. One girl was the facilitator and was leading the end of story questions. My daughter said that the way she was presenting the questions was frustrating her so when she was finished she told the girl: I didn't like the way you asked your questions. I prefer book discussion the way XXX does it better.

Not the nicest thing to say, but honestly, I have heard kids at school say much worse things to one another.

I discussed this with my husband because I couldn't wrap my brain around how this could lower her report card grade and he pointed out something that I hadn't considered, but what your situation also reminded me of: he said because our kids do so well academically and normally behaviorally, their bar is set much higher. So when they act like any other normal kid or do something that other kids do on a routine basis that may be out of character for them, the teacher comes down harder on them.

I love my daughter's teacher, she is a great teacher and offers a good balance of kindness versus discipline. But I don't understand this.

I am sorry your sons teacher is not willing to consult with the gifted teacher. You are lucky to have a gifted teacher available on staff and I think that teacher could provide his teacher some incredible insight into your sons motivation issues.

As far as this school year goes, I would probably sit down and talk to him and let him know that these areas are where his teacher feels he could show some improvement. I would try to suggest one or two ways that he might make a better choice to make the teacher happy. Honestly, I told my DD that if she didn't at least make an attempt to bring up her marks then there would be a consequence. I feel that her teacher gave us mid semester warning, which IMHO is an opportunity to correct the situation before the actual report card time. I explained to my daughter that was very kind of her to do, since it is not a requirement. In this way I am making her take on the responsibility for the change. She knows what my expectations are.

I would also work with him at home if you can, offer him some enrichment that will keep him engaged in his love for learning. I would focus on fun enrichment, like science experiments or other outside enrichment, like a nature walk, collecting bugs, researching plants/flowers/trees that are blooming, birds that might be building nests or laying eggs.

I would definitely speak to the gifted teacher about placement next year.