Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy What Does Your Child Say to Strangers?

YES! This is such a nice point to make. An individual has value on his/her own merits, and my own internal means of measuring my OWN self-worth should have little to do with how I determine the worth of others.

This seems (to me, as a parent to a highly pro-social/empathetic child) to be the crux of how kind and empathetic people see the world.

yup. This is why I think the school thinks I am crazy

DS 7 seems to attract the most comments in elevators or waiting for things when people overhear our conversations - it used to be about the books he was reading but now the comments are all about his vocabulary and the "big words" DS is using (insert overly cutsey parent voice here). I have never pushed DS to respond to strangers beyond what is polite, although sometimes he is just silent in response to their questions. And I am fine with that because its clear he is responding to some vibe from the adult and I want to encourage that, I want him to trust his gut that some nice looking people may not be nice and to not engage.

I had trouble with the he is so bright comments, so I would say yes or thank you and leave it at that. At about 4, DS would say, yes and I read a lot too. Or something like that. I let it go. The I am so smart comments wasn't a problem until he used it with kids when meeting new ones - and then we had to have conversations about how it wasn't necessary to lead with, how it then makes the kids say prove it and you have to act like a trained duck, and that its just rude and braggy.

But then again, 3-5 is also the age when the really bright kid stands out and is remarked upon, and I started changing my comments with other parents to emphasize what DS wasn't doing in order to fit in with the other parents - until I realized DS was listening. So I changed my tune to talk about accomplishments when asked, but to not elaborate unless encouraged by the strength of the relationship, and I feel this works well for settings like in elevators - simple thank you suffices. If DS wants to chat he will, if he doesn't that is fine with me.

DeHe

I'm normally so grateful dd gets a comment on her brains instead of her looks (blonde curly hair, blue eyes, crazy fun mishmash style of dressing), that I haven't worried about this. I suppose if it comes up a lot I'd go with what I say about the looks compliments--that we say thank you, and even better, say something nice back. Not necessarily about looks/brains but something nice. Because I had a hard time learning to take a compliment and so I've tried to teach her gracefully.

Eta-- now that DS is getting more comments about his talking/counting, and not just physical stuff, we're back to me awkwardly modeling for dd. Hopefully she'll do better than I! Why not, she's smarter

"Parent" ...singular. He raves about how smart his mommy is

I agree with you in general, although the two anxiety counselors he's seen (in our search for the right diagnostic direction, prior to arriving at ADHD) both say they see no anxiety in him (as in, nothing clinical - most people have some anxiety at times).

(Btw, I do correct him - I remind him that adults have wisdom and fully developed brains)

I think what's happening is that he knows he's clever, and when when you combine that with hearing adults say things like "kids are like sponges!" ...he's led to the conclusion that kids' brains are more efficient.

LOL... rock on!

Today in the car on the way to Kindergarten, DS was playing a Leapster game that involves division. I don't recall which one it is...he's had at least twenty of those since he's been three.

He was commenting on how he knows division now and how he doesn't like the rounding of five digit numbers his teacher is giving him. (Third grade worksheets) I told him to ask her to make up some problems for him to do instead of the rounding.

At school, he's in the hall hanging up his backpack and jacket with another classmate he's known since preschool. He tells her he knows division now. She was talking over him (thankfully) and I called him aside and told him not to talk about division to his classmates; only to his teacher.

He looked like I had told him he did something wrong. I felt really awful about it.

When my son answers that he's going to be in two different grades next year, people will ask, "Why?". He will answer, "Because I'm smart and I'm good at science." He sees this as being factual and refuses to alter the words. After a few discussions about how he feels when he hears the same words coming from a friend who is good at bike riding or swimming, my son has modified his response. He will start with the same phrase and then will tack on, "Everybody is smart and good at something. This is what I'm good at. But I'm not very good at other things like..."

I really like this reply because it doesn't diminish his strengths but it also shows that he is aware that others have talents and he does have weaknesses. So far, the extended response has been met with positive vibes.

It is a sad sad world when you can't boast about your success. Of if you do, you have to qualify them.

Normally the adults don't say anything directly to my son, usually directed to me and depending who it is, I try to downplay it (completer stranger) or own up to it (like the dentist) LOL I usually hear "how old is he?" I tell them and they say "wow he is really smart" or "I thought he was older" - that kind of thing.

I can't remember if he has ever responded about being "smart". I do know that he has no sense of privacy or boundaries because he would probably tell a stranger my social security number if he knew it. He always tells kids on the playground his name and age, his sister's name and age and sometimes tells people my name and my husband's name and how old we are, what city we live in...