Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional S

Absolutely true, that.

What you normally can't get under a 504 is any kind of services that require staff time. Just accommodations. (These days this depends on where you are, and how RtI is being implemented; it's complicated.) I think one should use experts to figure out what's truly needed to make school workable first, and then see what kind of plan will suffice.

DeeDee

What do her teachers say about this ? My kid had a very high self-esteem, even in the face of great frustration on the part of his teachers when he was in preschool. He would not escape, but he would pretty much ignore the teacher (or have an explanation of why he is doing what he is doing) and does what he wants (basically, not follow the process steps as outlined by his teacher, and would pretend play with the materials). His teachers kept saying he is not learning that his behavior is not conducive to learning. However, despite that, he learned a lot (started reading prior to age 4, could count to whatever number in the 100 thousands, could accurately tell you what any number was (like 234,768) etc. Now that he is older, I have asked him about it and he told me he disliked being told what to do and how to learn. He still does, to a certain extent, though he has tempered it down quite a bit.

Nodding my head sadly. I have not always done well in this regard. DD has seen all too well the way she can reduce me to frustration, anger, and, occasionally, tears. I know it scares her. But holy CRAP, she is one.powerful.little.being.


Great idea. Service is very meaningful for my DD. She also is extremely connected to animals and nature. DD also responds well to responsibility, although it can be a tricky balancing act to find the *right* responsibilities. Unfortunately, she is not the kind of kid who gets chosen by teachers for special responsibilities due to her nonpleaser personality and unpredictable tendencies. Last year's teacher got it anyway and gave her special jobs, but this year...noooo.

ETA--regarding this:


YMMV, but DD's self-esteem seemed fine, even a little inflated, at 5. At 9, it is low. I'm not sure what changed other than maturity and possibly just years of negative experience. Like your DD, she "blows over" quickly--it's the rest of us who are struggling to recover while she is often quite cheerful after the incident "burns out."

If manipulation is a problem, I highly recommend the book "The Manipulative Child," which I think I've probably mentioned before. It's very eye-opening just in terms of being able to RECOGNIZE and face those situations in which our kids are deliberately (if pleasantly/passively) manipulative.

My DD is another Zen Master at manipulation. It's as natural to her as breathing, and we've done a lot of hard, hard work to make her more self-aware and give her other options for managing her need for control/autonomy, encouraging more direct/assertive communication, etc. Unfortunately, the world conspires to lead very bright girls down that path of becoming manipulative, because it's how they tend to get the best results with most situations; cheerful covert manipulation over assertive problem solving. It's part and parcel of what they learn as HG+ females, unfortunately. Nobody takes them seriously enough to listen to them, so they resort to other means.

What is scary is that they KNOW that they are just children in some ways-- so the ability to manipulate/coerce/persuade adults against those adults' natural inclinations is pretty frightening stuff. DD never respects an adult that she can manipulate-- this was a HUGE problem when she was much younger. Probably this peaked about age 6.

We worked at developing compassion alongside theory of mind, and emphasized that other human beings have the same rights to autonomy and control-- ergo, it's WRONG to use passive-aggressive methods, even if it's easy/possible.

How refreshingly self aware your DD is. What a gift.

One of our most powerful motivations for helping DS with both his anxiety and his behavior issues was that by 2nd grade he had well internalized the idea that he was a bad person. He had some teachers who really made this a big problem. He was miserable.

Finding out the name for his neurological difference was extremely important for him-- the other available names (weird, bad, disruptive...) were really not good. Once he knew that it wasn't his fault that he was struggling, he was so relieved, and we could work together to make things better for him. Frank talk about challenges, including their names, is very important IMO.

I don't see this form of labeling a disability as pathologizing at all-- DS definitely sees it as being aware of a difference, and learning to not let the difference hold him back.

DeeDee

Agree. My DS10 is much happier now that he understands that offering the world expected or unexpected behavior has to be weighed carefully. He likes having a choice. I like his understanding the consequences of the choice and his ability to make the choice consciously, rather than because a particular response feels like his only option.

Agree that 5 is too young to have all this down pat if it doesn't come naturally; but 5 is not too young to start laying the groundwork for it and removing the obstacles.

(The expected/unexpected language is from Michelle Garcia Winner's Social Thinking curriculum-- we never did it formally but I found some of it useful in parenting a kid who does unexpected things.)

DeeDee

Forgive me, because I think you've addressed this already, but is this your daughter's first preschool environment? I seem to remember there was another? Has she ever been in an adult-led environment that worked for her? I was thinking about your DD and mine--my DD was seen as a major problem at preschool till she moved up to the 4s and 5s class where a different, better teacher had her. It was night and day.

I also wonder if they have tried any behavior modification systems with her. What's her currency? Does that sort of thing work with her at all?