Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional Things are getting very bad

Just wanted to offer my perspective on scribing paras versus behavioral paras. Does your kid get in-class work scribing for all subjects (I am guessing so (or hoping so) or just scribing for test work ? The scribing paras for tests is pretty common. In-class scribing paras (especially paras who need to follow the child from homeroom to specials and scribe for them at specials) tend to get expensive really soon.

How are the other parents in your kid's class ? Where I live, I can actually see some grousing if a child consistently got a scribe for in-class work. For example, if the kid came up with a sentence, "This is a recyclable project" , it is quite possible that the kid with the scribe may write/spell it better than a kid without a scribe (with no disabilities). So, I can see the point (however, horrible and unfair) that teachers may think that your kid has an "advantage" over other kids. I really hope that is not what your kid's teacher (and the school administration) is thinking. The cost is, of course, another factor. It seems (to me) that it is more expensive to have a scribing (dedicated, one on one) para versus a behavior para (who can be sort of allocated over 2-3 kids).

Of course, if your school administration does think this way, especially for a kid who has a documented disability, they are way, way out of line. I would actually try and go in a very pleasant manner, and let them talk (as much as they want) and sort of ask them theoretical leading questions and see what they think. I would also totally record the meeting and make sure that they know (in advance), so they could also record it (if they choose)

My kid seems pencil-phobic, and I wonder if he has some sort of underlying thing going on. However, when he decides to write or color, he produces the most amazing work. I am not sure if it is physical maturity (he is 5) or whether his hand actually hurts (as he keeps complaining after writing about 4 sentences)



This is beyond ridiculous, especially since the principal does not seem to have a clue about the reading worksheet.

Irena - If this was me, I would be keeping my child at home until the communication issue was resolved. Again, to me this is a matter of safety and trust. If I cannot communicate to the person who is physically in custody of my child for 6+ hours a day, I am not leaving them with that person. I cannot have a trusting relationship with someone I cannot communicate with, and I am not leaving my young child with someone I cannot trust.

This whole situation is INSANE.

Correct. My feeling is that no matter how crazy they get, no matter how unjust their actions, you have to remain the most reasonable person in the room. Over the long term, remaining rational when everyone else is acting like fools gets you credibility all up and down the food chain.

Definitely, get people higher up involved in this, don't sign away any rights, get as much excellent outside help as you can afford; but be very cool in your actual dealings with all school, district, etc. personnel. You cannot let them make the case that you are a crazy person; that is hard to undo later.

BTDT. It will not be this way forever; one way or another, you will resolve it for your DC.

DeeDee

I agree.

I'd also bring up-- in your IEP meeting-- that your physician feels it is DANGEROUS to have this "barrier to clear and effective communication" with the classroom teacher.

The reason? You must have the opportunity to discuss/confer regarding risks to your child's safety. (Epipen? Holy COW, I cannot even wrap my head around them wanting to LIMIT contact between parent and teachers here.)

YOU recognize risks that a teacher doesn't/can't-- if you can't ask about upcoming class events, how are either of you supposed to manage this risk effectively?? I'd make it clear, also in writing, about the earlier incident in which the 'team' failed to keep your child's emergency medication available, too. You have little reason to trust that they can keep your child safe without your input on a regular basis. If they want to run all of that past their attorneys-- let 'em. I suspect that an attorney who learns of THAT chain of events is going to go ballistic over the risks that they are CHOOSING to impose on the district here in terms of liability.


This administrator needs to be made painfully aware that s/he is setting up an environment conducive to a fatality. Use THOSE specific words, be pleasant while you say them (though obviously concerned) and get your ducks in line for withholding attendance-- that is, have your physician's backing here. I'd get that today, before sending any documentation.

Let me know if you want ANYTHING edited here for privacy. BTDT a number of times with other parents over the years. I've seen ugly like this before, I'm sorry to say. Let me also add that once a situation gets to this point... you can WIN, but remember that sometimes even when you win, you still lose. Er-- or your child does.

I'm not saying that I think you should accept this situation, which is completely untenable, IMO; but that you should have a plan B and plan C in your back pocket.

Thank you all. Spoke with assistant superintendent who respectfully asked to give her a chance at helping/fixing this situation before going up the superinendent. She was nice and assured me this would stop immediately. I told her I documented all that has transpired over the entire year and asked her if she would like to see it so that has a full and clear history. She said yes. My question is do I cc this email to the principal?

Advocate called and was helpful too. She also suggested going the superintendent route (as well as letting me know about other routes).

Irena,

I am soooo sorry this is becoming such a mess. I second everything DeeDee said in the post above it - no matter how insane and nuts and illegal and ill-intentioned everyone else gets, you need to remain reasonable and simply stick with it.

You'd asked about scribing earlier - fwiw, our ds never received a scribe even though we were told by his neuropsych he should have a scribe in 2nd grade. It was simply something we were never going to get in our school, and I've never seen another child provided with one here. I didn't spend much time worrying about this - and part of it may be because our dd was a few years older than yours when he was diagnosed - but from the start I felt it was really important to get the tools into ds' hands to help him become independent rather than depending on a scribe. So our ds started out with an AlphaSmart at school during 3rd grade and eventually transitioned to a laptop. It took a *long* time and a lot of advocating just for that, but it was a battle we were able to win. While the advocating was going on at school ds was using a laptop at home (as well as having me scribe for him)... but the key was, we had him start typing and practicing right away after his diagnosis. Regardless of what's happening at school with the scribe, this is one thing you can be doing at home now for your ds, letting him get comfortable with using a laptop or an iPad or whatever, and giving him some type of "work" (which can be something fun) that includes typing. Don't force him to learn touch-typing, let him develop his own typing system. Don't worry that it's not lightning fast - chances are even if it's slow (which our ds' typing speed is, still)... it will be faster than handwriting plus it will free up his working memory while writing once he's used to it.

And, fwiw, as epoh mentioned, I'd consider taking him out of school for the moment while things are so incredibly contentious. If you're being told not to communicate with his teacher, that's a huge potential issue. I am not advocating that you withdraw him from school, simply just keep him home (like you would if he was sick) and let the school know why you're keeping him home - let them know he'll return to school as soon as you're allowed to communicate directly with his teacher (or he's moved to a different class if you're ok with that)... we did this tactic with our dd who has extensive food allergies when she was in early elementary and the school was trying to force us to accept a non-safe situation for her, and it was very effective. The schools don't want to risk losing a warm body in the classroom which counts toward state funding.

Best wishes,

polarbear

I, personally, would NOT cc the principal. I would forward everything you've got to the Super and give them the chance to handle this with the principal on their own.

I would still keep my child home until I hear from either the Super or the Principal that communication can resume between you and the teacher.

Okay, thanks.

Let me third the "be the reasonable one" advice.

You've done a pretty good job with that so far, from what you've reported. Just keep doing what you're doing-- you responded appropriately (with serious questions related to your responsibilities as a parent) re: the assignment that you should have been able to discuss with the classroom teacher.

The response was over-the-top nutso, and you also pointed out that a "meeting" would be an enormous waste of everyone's time for something that SHOULD be simple and not even involve administration.

Do you have any idea what role the classroom teacher is playing in all of this? Is it even remotely possible that s/he has kicked this up to administration because of feeling that she can't cope?

I think that your next move needs to be:

a) get backing from physician to keep child out of school until communication issue is resolved (re: safety, basically)

b) cc: nurse, IEP coord, and princ. about your child's absence, and

c) request classroom work for the next couple of weeks-- so that your child is not harmed academically by this unresolved set of communication issues.

Then Bcc: that to the vice-super along with everything else.


This (strategically) does several things. It demonstrates that you are a "team player" in that you are being cordial and cooperative with everyone involved, you are trying to do what others have asked of you, and that your child's safety and academics are your major concern, not scoring hit-points or anything else. It also makes it clear just how bizarre the principal is being here-- because s/he will probably respond with more "crazy" to it-- maybe you won't be allowed to contact the nurse, either, anymore. Which you will then forward to the vice-super.