Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional Things are getting very bad

Oh I told them, very politely - that I would have to be completely out of my mind to sign that waiver and that I will absolutely not sign something like that. I advised them that if we do not come up with an alternative arrangement, I will go the Due Process route in an attempt to get the services rather than sign away all of those rights. I also informed them that I am an attorney and I am also now consulting with a special ed attorney on these issues since it isn't (yet) my area of expertise so don't try putting an agreement like that in front of me again. In response to this and my request that they explain clearly in writing why we can't just make the VT a part of the IEP they merely said (after two written requests for this info and one verbal) that they "would revise the agreement and we'll discuss it at the meeting." I told them I want a draft copy of what they are proposing before the meeting so that I can review it with counsel. No response to that one yet but I am going to have to bring an attorney with me if they do not send me a draft of what they are proposing before the meeting.

I also told the principal that, while I understand and appreciate that he may have personnel issues and concerns, I do not think he can legally tell me or my husband that we can not communicate with our son's teachers. I told him lack of communication is what caused these issues in the first place. I pointed out that we have not communicated with our son's teachers much, but when we have we are always respectful and the communication is always in reference specifically to DS and regarding legitimate concerns. I said that I would be more than happy to copy him on all correspondence and emails with DS's teachers, but I will not stop communicating with my son's teachers about my son. I added that I am sure he (the principal) would welcome involved, supportive and available parents. Open lines of communication between us and teachers can only help DS and, I would add, is indeed imperative for DS's success and I am sure that is what he wants as well. This exchange was cc'd to the Director of Special Ed for the District who is now planning on attending the upcoming meeting. I truly hope she is a reasonable and nice women.

I feel like all the principal is concerned about is his ego and being "right" - every time I come to him with an issue he gets angry and defensive and refuses to believe that whatever we are telling him happened actually happened. I feel like he wants to make us afraid to raise concerns. Then it feels like it becomes a pissing contest of who can 'prove' what happened. Instead of mollifying and soothing the situation over and moving forward, he digs in heels and becomes very adversarial and stuck in "You can't prove that happened, so there!" He makes it all so much worse. It seems like he has completely lost sight that our joint goal should be making sure DS has access to his education. He doesn't have to admit fault to be more like "Okay, we want to do what's best for DS let's see where we can make this better to ensure everything is A-Okay in the future and avoid misunderstandings and issues." Instead he becomes very focused on proving that the concern raised is not a real concern, that DS is lying, etc. For example, The para comments did not happen and now Ds is supposedly lying about the assignments he received in library classroom. Their "defense" is that DS wasn't given a scribe because there was not any writing. However, DS described in detail the writing assignments and what was expected and how much he did on each. But their position is again that DS is lying. I basically told him in the last email that I have to be able to document and raise my concerns with him but that doesn't mean I want to get into these pissing contests with him (I didn't use those exact words LOL). DS has no reason to lie and obviously something in our present arrangement is breaking down, which is bad for all of us. Let's just stop the bickering and move forward by making make sure the accommodations are specific enough and that everyone is properly educated and understands what is expected of them.

I am in tears about switching schools. We specifically moved here for the schools and have paid a colossal amount in taxes (I am talking 12-15 thousand a year alone in school taxes and we paid that for years before having a kid in the district). DS has friends here, etc. Where else do we go? Private? The private schools here are no less than 30,000 per year. We simply can't afford it.

No, I am not giving up that easily. My son deserves to go to the local public school and get a good education just like the rest of the people around here - writing disability or not. And I am not done fighting for that right.

Who do I contact at the State Department of Education? The superintendent of the school district? Someone higher?

Is there another school in the same district he could transfer to? Sometimes you just need a change of scenery, as it were. If that's not an option, then it sounds like you need to fight. I'd start with the local school district - district coordinators, superintendent, school board, and if that doesn't get you what you need, then you move onto the state level.

Okay good plan. We just got the Special Ed Director for the district involved so that would be the district coordinator (I am optimistic about her). She will be at this next meeting. I'll see how it goes with her there and see what she can bring to this situation. Next step will be involving superintendent, I guess. And involving an attorney on this full-time. I just got word they are re-drafting the vision agreement presently and I should have it in enough time to review it with counsel prior to the meeting... so that is looking up.

Despite all of this, DS has had a great year overall and that makes all of what I am going through worth it. When things did start to deteriorate for him in the middle of the year, I was all over it relatively quickly and got it fixed. I have to deal with the fall-out of that (nasty side of principal) but DS is getting what he needs and is happy. He got great grades, he is pretty enthusiastic about school and learning, and has made several friends and seems happy. My fighting is worth it to see that him happy and doing well. I don't care what I have to go through as long as DS is protected and thriving. DS being able to attend school and thrive and be happy gives me the fortitude to keep on fighting to keep it that way. Maybe I will learn enough to start practicing this type of law in the process or become an advocate... hopefully there are a few silver linings in this.

Irena, while I don't have any advice, please know that your family will be in my prayers. What an ordeal!

This. I've actually DONE this, when I had an administrator tell not only us-- but also my child's TEACHER-- that we were to have no further contact that didn't go through him.

My solution was to politely document/document/document and to AVALANCHE him. Oh, and to insist that we use proper honorifics. You know, since he wanted to be all proper and polite and all. (No, it was mostly because it really, really galled him to have to refer to me as "Dr. Howler," and at that point, I simply wanted to annoy him to death and get him to want me to be someone-- ANYONE-- else's problem.)

That administrator was gone the following year, but it was a HELLISH year for my child in the meantime.

Another thought--

in writing, as in, maybe even via certified mail so that you have a CLEAR documentary trail and time stamp-- ask whether or not this "waiver" you've been asked to sign is an indication that they no longer plan to honor requests for a COMPLETE EVALUATION, not limited in scope.

That's the phrase that pays here. (Maybe your IDEA colleague has already told you that, not sure).

I'd also start chewing my way up the food chain by CC:ing my communications-- ALL of them, as noted above-- to this person's boss.

Another option is to get their waiver notarized/signed/witnessed by another attorney after you make appropriate CHANGES to that document. That is, agree to what you agree to, and use a line-item delete for the rest.

Include a specific rebuttal that includes my phrase that pays above. That is, make it clear that you "cannot agree to waive my child's full spectrum of rights to additional evaluation/appropriate services in order to agree to the treatment recommended re: {district physician} on {vision problem}."

I'd also ask them specifically-- in writing, again-- to consult with the feds about this matter in particular. You signing a waiver of your child's rights is in no way a legal substitute for a simple consent to a treatment plan.



Oooo, this makes me mad. They are strong-arming you, and they know it and so do you, and now they are giving you the middle finger over it when you called them on it. Nasty, nasty tactics. As someone else noted, the only way that it gets worse than this is when they bring in the bottom-feeder type attorneys to act as henchmen. Well, that and when the adults involved opt to use the child in question directly as a proxy for their aggression. Been through that. It's ugly. {shudder} Personally, when our administrator told my daughter's teacher (we're in a virtual charter, recall) to quit calling her, that kind of crossed that line for me.

If you have any other schooling options, I might well consider how much worse it will need to get before you exercise them. Keep that information very private, but have the discussion.

As a last resort, you can also reach out to the press. There is likely someone on the newspaper staff where you live who would absolutely love an expose that would detail the kind of bias and discrimination as you've described here. But it can backfire, because any good journalist who is doing their job will interview all sides of the issue. We have a reporter here who has covered similar stories, and it is interesting how the position of the administration has changed once the story hit the press.

MON and HK are full of lovely, wonderful advice. Absolutely do not sign anything, avalanche the principal with "teacher requests" (class party, looking for kid's boots, picking up instead of taking the bus, anything you can think of that you might contact the teacher for, even if you never have), CC the superintendent on every email, and I would add, go to the school board if the superintendent does not get involved very quickly.

If the school board doesn't seem inclined to help, mention (and then follow up with) the state board of education.

Media can be a useful tool in moving mountains, as well. Ha, ABQ just beat me to the punch.

Thanks all for your advice, support and thoughts. I never imagined I would have this trouble. I am really shocked by the principal - I had thought he was such a nice kind man in the beginning of the year. I was so wrong.


So should I get the superintendent by cc'ing him on the recent issues? Or should I wait to see how Special Ed Director is... She's been completely silent despite all of the cc's ... I am told she will be attending the upcoming IEP mtg.