Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Boston terror and my second grader.

Of course, I don't think a sub should be talking about the matter, either, unless you live particularly close to where the event took place. I would have been pretty taken aback by that. But, I prefer to prepare my kids by having age appropriate discussions on my own terms.

I find that it's not so much that the kids learn about it FROM school (teachers, etc) but rather AT school from other kids. That is why I now make a point to talk to my kids (11, 9 and 7) about current events, so that I can control the message somewhat. Plus, more than once I've been in the car and flipped on the traffic report, only to be a minute early or late for the traffic and hear about the current event of the day instead. Having recognized that I can't shield them completely, I've decided to address is directly myself. I do try to shield them from horrible photos and alway talk about the Fred Rogers message -- always look for the helpers, there are always helpers there.

Thanks, HowlerKarma.

It was not appropriate for the sub to talk about it.

I was out of the country with my husband during 9/11. My kids who were almost 7 & 2 were home home with my in-laws. Thankfully both my in-laws and my school kept mum about it. (Only watching the TV after the kids were out of the house.) My 7 year old did NOT need to hear about this with us out of the country. We were fine & perfect safe just in Europe. Not easy for a 7 year old to grasp. They are now 18 & 14, have been to see ground zero and know all about it. But I am VERY VERY grateful that my kids school DID NOT talk about this kind of issue.

IMO Middle School & Older it might be OK, but not non-stop in all the classrooms.

Well, up until yesterday afternoon, I would have told you that our small private school keeps "current events" of that ilk up to the parent to speak about to their children. Sandy Hook being an example. Our son (6-Kindergarten) has never been allowed to watch anything about that tragedy.

However...yesterday my son told me out-of-the-blue, "Mom! Did you know there was a bombing in Boston?" um. yeah. who told you?

"Mr._____(the principal)".

I was livid, to say the least. There is currently only a Kindergarten and first grade at this school, so this wasn't mentioned in a school announcement over the loudspeaker. No...DS heard it from him personally when he asked about the lowered flag.

We don't let our son watch the evening news-on any day. He's much too sensitive and the news is filled with murders, rapes, fires, car accidents, etc. on a typical day, much less a national tragedy like Sandy Hook or the Boston Marathon Bombing.

I told my DS not to worry about it; that it was nothing that would affect him and he's safe. I emphasized that he was safe, btw. He was visibly relieved.

Children should be on a "need to know" basis regarding graphic news, imo. What does it serve to let a young grade school student be exposed to horrors like this?

My husband has been trying to reach the principal to speak about this all day. He's yet to return his call.

BTW. I did talk about this with my DS14 when he got home from school on Monday. Nothing was mentioned at school that day. (In CA so school was still going on.) His sister is in college in Boston so it's important news for him to know & he is 14 so we watched some of the news coverage together.

My point above is you don't know what is going on in a child's family and it's certainly not the place of a sub to know. In addition assuming that first or second grades watch the news so must already know is unprofessional.

Ametrine, while the details of how it was handled may not have been perfect, I think that in general, your principal probably did the right thing. The flag was lowered, which is correct (flags all over the country are lowered). Your DS noticed (not standard kid behavior) and asked why, and the principal told him privately rather than lying or trying to avoid the question. Maybe he could have been more reassuring on the "you're safe" message, but your DS may just have needed to hear that from you, too, no matter how emphatic the principal was about it. There may be some momentary trauma, but there is also the message that at school, they will tell you the truth, even when it's difficult to hear.

In contrast, the sub who decided to bring it up with the second graders it totally out of line.

I agree the flag being lowered is appropriate.

I would have preferred the principal be more evasive on his answer to my son's question, however. A simple, "In memory of some people who are hurting." or even, "Ask your parents when you get home." would have been better, imo.

Honestly, my real concern is a possible accumulation of comments to DS about any tragedies...past or in the future. I don't want my son to ask the principal every time he sees the flag lowered, "What happened now?" For example, I don't want the principal to speak to him about the fertilizer plant explosion in Texas.

That's our responsibility to explain or not as how we see fit. At least at the age he is now.

Hmm. I agree that the principal did the right thing.

IMO, trying to hide everything bad from kids doesn't help them.

Agree with Val and Elizabeth. Adults being evasive is hardly ever good IMHO, and I would be upset if my child's teacher had evaded such a question. Moreover, mine would probably have reacted by asking everyone else he met that day, and would have ended up with more, but perhaps less accurate, information than he'd have got if his original question had been answered.