Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional UPDATED - preschooler with severe anxiety?

MK13 have a listen to this, particularly the last 15-20 mins.

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/autism...er--autism-token-theory-autistic-burnout

Personally it does not sound to me like your son is misdiagnosed. It does sound like the therapy he's receiving at school is far from theraputic. I agree with DeeDee you still need to build flexibility and expand skills, but you seem to be building shut down at the moment. We pulled our DD out of the social skills class that was run by THE autism body in our state and supposedly dedicated entirely to girls like her. It was wildly inappropriate, she was clearly and concisely able to describe how condescending it was and ask us "What on earth do you think is WRONG with me that you are sending me there?". She still needs social skills work, but we pulled her out of that immediately and will find something eventually - something that builds smiles AND self esteem, rather than telling her she is stupid and clueless, which was the message she was getting loud and clear from this course.

thank you for the link! I started listening about 20 minutes from the end, right where she talked about how the kids can seem normal when they are relaxed and happy ... just like our case. DS had a break in therapy for about 4 weeks when he aged out of EI and before school therapy started and he was the happiest kid on Earth! And then it quickly disappeared as soon as the therapy at school started. And I was actually able to get the school to agree to 2 sessions that are co-therapies rather than 4 separate sessions they had planned originally. We would ALL go crazy having to make him go there 4 times a week! I feel like we are all feeling burnt out. Not just our son. And the fact that he's not only striking at others (and he truly is the sweetest kid on this planet otherwise! Always cuddling with me, kissing me, needing contact with me or his dad and even with his brother when he's in his happy mode!) but now even unintentionally hurting himself, that's just wrong and I really do need to put a stop to it.

There is absolutely no way he could be in a group setting for now. It would turn into a much worse version of what we are going through right now. I don't believe he will be like this for ever. It just seems that structured world is too overwhelming for him for now and he needs more time to learn how to relax in it. He may be a very different child a year from now. It's probably hard to believe from how I've been describing him in my various posts but he has taken HUGE steps in the right direction in just the past 6 months. So we know he is working hard in his own way to be where he needs to be. He just needs to do it on his own terms.

He is very perfectionist in what he does and both therapy and school overall challenge that side of him too much. He has ways how hew wants to do everything and needs to take the exact steps he planned otherwise it isn't correct. Once he's a year or two older he will be a lot easier to reason with. There is not much good in pushing too hard now.

Ok. I DID IT! Pulled him out of school therapy starting this week. I kept thinking about what and when to write to the therapist and the special ed department when the speech therapist called me couple minutes ago asking about summer school and if we wanted either boys do therapy in the summer. So I told her about our issues and about thinking that pulling him out would be better for now. Now I just need to send her a note to make it official so she can put the IEP on hold for him and we'll talk again later in the summer before the school starts.

Our goal for the summer will be teaching him to relax!

Yet another little update, just proving that the school REALLY DOESN'T GET IT!

So I let the special ed lady know we are putting DS's IEP on hold and explained all the reasons why, the fact it stresses him out so bad and everything else and she emailed me back thanking me for letting her know and the next thing she says is something along the lines of "I hope he's coming to early childhood preschool in the fall. We are planning on having him in there" ... SERIOUSLY? With how hard just the twice weekly short therapy has been on him they expect him to feel fine in a 5 days a week preschool? Why exactly should I do this to him??? Not to mention, he absolutely despises any repetition and knowing this I should put him in a preschool where he'll spend all week watching others to learn one letter of the alphabet ... just to go through the same pain yet again the following year? We already know that the only time he comes out of his hiding is when he has something engaging and new to do / learn. Being forced to socialize while having nothing new to learn is really not that good of an idea.

Not to mention, I spent the whole day (well, the whole 3 hours) with the class earlier this week and used it to watch how the kids behave, how they are disciplined just to get an idea of if I could see DS3.2 fit in there at all and once again, I know he would be miserable. He would spend most of the day in time outs, which in return would get him more angry and would land him in more time outs. I saw it happen with one of the boys there who is in many ways like DS3.2 just not as high energy so at least when they put him in time out he would stay in time out. That would not be the case with our son.

So I just have to figure out a diplomatic way of saying thank you but no thank you ... for now. We will definitely revisit the idea of small group therapy when we feel DS is ready for it but I doubt much will change in the 3 months we have till the next school year starts.

mk-

think about how/what you will say carefully, I know you will- but I mean- where we are, in order to receive district services ie speech ot etc, you must be in the districts programs- whether that is preschool for the 3/4 yo's or kinder for 5s and so on.

I know I have posted somewhere that no way was I putting my kiddo in the various preschool classes available to him thru our district, BUT I wanted the services- speech therapy to be exact! and so I HAD TO place him at age 3....
I was less than thrilled with that initial preschool...

sooooo Call it Fate or God or plain ole fashioned Luck? but early on there was an issue with the teacher and my child, and I pulled him- refused to allow him to step foot in her presence ever again- (later on the police would stop by investigating that particular teacher, and what transpired with my son)
ok, so- long story short- he continued to receive his services!!!

the next year, turning 4years, I just don't enroll him but continue services! after some time they realized he wasn't in "school", we had an IEP, I am told he must do preschool for services- I ask for several to choose from- none were a fit for my child, and I refused them and it helped the teacher also thought my child didn't belong- and we kept services

hahaaha later on, that spring? they did MAKE me take him to a biweekly 1.5hr class for kids 4-6yrs, Latino's with little English!! (for the record, we are white and speak only English) but I chose to embrace it it was another awesome social experience for my DS and I was right there with him the whole time! he also was able to become a sort of obvious "leader" because he already knew English LOL and so the kids gravitated to him, which really empowered him and gave his social skills and self esteem a healthy boost- not to mention they were all great kids, who cares about language when you get kids together? they figure out how to play

moving on, age 4 turning 5, I refused to allow him to start kindergarten, and so we lucked into a transitional kindergarten program, all kids were 4yrs turning 5 that fall/winter--- another perfect social learning environment for my child to grow in, while learning about how a school day functions/routines etc

MK- I really think these are the types of things your kiddo's need! I think whatever you choose will ultimately work out for you guys you remind me a bit of me. just try to give them appropriate social opportunities, and stay positive and focused on your goals--- don't refuse the offer of preschool so much as get them to see that it isn't best fit and they somehow think it is their idea vs your idea

sorry my reply so long.
once again, I blame the coffee I drank too late in the day!!
take care!!

cc6 - thank you for your thoughts and experience! You've been through a lot too!

I didn't completely refuse service, I just put the IEP on hold, which means it's still valid for the whole 1 year since we initially had the IEP meeting and signed the plan. So we have till March of next year to figure out what to do next. No matter what, I am planning to always have one foot in the school just for the IEP itself. We'll see what we can accomplish during the summer and my hopes are we can do at least a short speech / OT session weekly through school in the fall but this time I hope the therapists will listen to me more closely when I tell them that certain situations will backfire on them so we don't end up in the same spot as we just did. But I know for sure he will not be ready for their preschool.

Fortunately this time around I know how the system works as I had been through something similar with DS4.9. He had different kind of issues and seeing him we thought he clearly NEEDED the preschool when he aged out of EI but because he was always a big show off during evaluations and loved adult interaction, the evaluation team didn't see the need for more than 60 minutes of speech per week. They did not see the OT issues and his social problems. Between 3-4 years old he loved being with people but when it came down to actually being with more than 3 or 4 people near him, he would go hide in the corner. Could not stand being touched pretty much by anyone and would freak out. Always on a sensory overload. So, we refused the speech back then because in our mind that was not what he needed and he too did not like therapy sessions at all, just like DS3.2 and we waited till 10 months later, did the speech for couple weeks and since another few weeks later we finally had DS's PDD-NOS diagnosis and with the recommendations from the school speech therapist he was finally offered the preschool. But the big difference between the two boys was that the older one really WANTED to go to preschool and we needed public preschool because of his allergies and because of potty training issues. Otherwise we'd had just said "forget it". Now, 6 months since he started the special ed preschool and he pretty much runs the class and is a social butterfly . His only problem is, when he talks to the other kids, nobody gets what he's talking about. They just give him a blank stare and he goes his way .

So, with that experience, we have seen a lot can change in a child in a matter of few months and with DS3.2 it's obvious he needs more time to get comfortable with outside world. We are almost certain he will be homeschooled but even then he will be eligible for speech services through the school at the minimum so I do plan on keeping his IEP alive in some shape and form.

One thing I don't get though. He is obviously having problems with kids being too close to him. So why, knowing this, would the therapists put him right next to the other kids, making him so uncomfortable to the point where he now can't stand being around anyone? I get that they are working through his issues and trying to get him be more comfortable but isn't one of the points of IEPs to give kids accommodations so they can function in their learning environment, which in his case at least for the moment would be letting him sit away from others so he wouldn't freeze and snap? Or does this only come into play later on when kids actually attend school full time?

As a side note, DS3.2 is doing quite well this week. Still very much on the edge but for the most part very happy, playful, we have even seen some nice imaginative play and to top it off, yesterday he decided he'll tackle his fine motor problems and got me to teach him to write letters! He wanted me to guide his hand the whole time but it was a huge success because usually he doesn't like anyone teaching him anything. And in this case we spent 30 minutes tracing dry-erase letters and he still wanted more . So, he's clearly doing quite well, just on his own terms.

Mana, thank you so much for bringing this up! I have never heard of it but just reading in the link you provided that would make so much sense! The link mentions ASD needs to be ruled out first and the main distinction being that person with SCD does not have the repetitive / restrictive behaviors of an ASD person. THAT is exactly the point I have been trying to make to anyone who would listen to me (of those dealing with my son). He never had nor does he have now any of that. There are objects he likes (like his blankie) but that's a normal toddler / preschool behavior and other than that, we have never had to deal with any of this (unlike DS4.9 who's curtains had to be closed a certain way, lights had to be certain way, he had to be the first one down the stairs, shirt comes on first, then pants then socks, etc.) DS3.2 just kinda goes with the flow. He is our EASY child until he's put into an uncomfortable social / communication situation when he shuts down.

So this is definitely something I need to ask about at his next evaluation, whenever that will be!

That can itself be "restrictive"-- not being able to engage in certain situations.

I would also point out that the "safe minds" website is largely pseudoscience-- it's one of those groups that still says mercury in vaccines causes autism (which has been definitively ruled out) and advocates for treatments that have no documented validity. I wouldn't trust much you read there.

DeeDee