Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy First grade update

I have hopes that I will be there someday... Hopefully before my dd starts college.

I informed my XH that I would no longer try to persuade him in regards to my dd's education. I would simply inform him of the decisions I was making and he could either like it or not. I wasn't going to loose any sleep over it. His response was to inform me that he was attending my dd's open house (he did not attend last year to protest her being there).

Maybe all I had to do was use some reverse psychology from the beginning

I'm lucky that my DH agrees with me on these things. He's supportive but I am the one who does all the research/legwork and negotiating with the school. He was seriously underchallenged until college which was an unpleasant shock to his system. He understands the danger of just letting the kids coast through school.

My DH gets it, too, thankfully. His attitude is that I'm the one home with the kids most of the time, so I should be the ultimate decision-maker. He make observations, listens as I hash things out, offers opinions and raises objections if he sees them, but he sees me as "the boss" of the kids and himself as more of a consultant.

It makes life a lot easier for me.

I don't know about that Dottie. Two days after telling me son needed to be accepted by the other kids and needed to "fit in", teacher left him in charge of the classroom while she took two of the kids to the principal's office for misbehaviour. He had to write down names of kids who acted up while she was gone. Not just on paper at his desk, no, he had to go from his desk (back of room) to the front of the room and write the names on the whiteboard. Yea, that'll help him fit in. Errgh (oops, another vent, carry on).

Hey, squirt, I've had teachers who did this sort of thing to me, too. In one case, I believe it was malicious but mostly they just start thinking of the gifted child as an adult and they forget what the effect of these things will be.

I think it also reflects on the staffing in our schools. I remember one day when I was helping out in a 1st grade classroom with 28 kids. One of the little girls was clearly about to throw up and needed to escorted quickly and calmly to an appropriate place. If I hadn't been there, the teacher would have had to decide whether to leave 27 kids unattended or let a frightened miserable kid find her way to the nurses office (in another building)on her own. Bad options, either way.

Acs, in our school the teacher would phone the office and they would send an adult to escort the child. Sick children should never be sent to the office alone--huge liability! What if she collapsed on the way there or something? With the older kids, another student accompanies the sick student to the office.

I understand what you're saying, that the teachers come to rely on the GT kids in their classrooms as helpers. And that's not always a bad thing.

As a kid I enjoyed being the helper and having special privileges. I'm sure it did not help me fit in, though (I didn't fit in at all). But I also remember feeling shortchanged at times because the teacher spent very little time actually teaching ME anything. And that was just the benign neglect type of teacher...the malicious teacher was a completely different scenario.

It might be fun for the kid to be the teaching assistant, but I'm not sure it's good for the kid in many ways. Not just how the child is accepted/not accepted socially by others--although I don't think that should be easily dismissed--but in terms of learning time (as you mention Cathy), perfectionism, and self-concept, to name the ones that pop into my head right away.

If the child is the "second teacher" in the class, what does this teach the child about herself? How does he see himself fitting into society?

I was the TA when I was in school, too, but I don't think it was very good for me. It's better than sheer boredom, I guess, but not by much. And I think it causes just about as many problems as it solves.

FWIW...

Ok, file this under baggage, but I still feel the pain from being mistreated by my high school calculus teacher.

Here's one of the things he did that made me feel especially bad:

I was a junior when I took calculus and at the end of the year the seniors had a week off. So for a week I was the only person in the class. This teacher spent that week in the teachers' lounge leaving me alone in the classroom. To me it felt like he was saying I wasn't worth his time.