Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion How petty can teachers get!?!

My son got three frowny faces in about a week and a half. He's had smiley faces all year. The first time he had to write a half a page of sentences. The second time he had to write an apology letter. The third time he got grounded to his room for four hours. That consequence has happened once before, it's the "big mess up" punishment. Three times of not listening to your teacher is "big messing up" in my opinion. The teacher said it was because the kids were on vacation mode early for the hollidays. I said, well, he has to behave at school if he wants to go. I asked him what he did. I asked him what he goes to school for. He knows. You go to school to learn stuff, make me proud, have fun, and behave. He said, "but I was having fun and forgot to behave." I said, "well, that's a big part if it. You have to behave at school."
I guess that's different because it has nothing to do with grades, it's only the first year of school, and it's very obvious that the teacher really loves and cares about the kids.

Re the husband being suspended thing. He probably should have kept his mouth shut BUT if he is anything like me he probably has trouble understanding why when he is CONSTANTLY letting other peoples offensive remarks go and bending over backwards to accommodate other peoples demands and weird needs, other people get so bent out of shape about what seems to him to be trivial.

It took me until I was 40 to work out I was using a different code and I still can't predict what will offend.

Random punishments for offences I didn't understand didn't help.

However in the OPs case her daughter seems aware of what she did so just tell her and move on. Some of the other posters need to try and help their children understand other peoples rules.

Eta. I didn't mean that in a judgemental way as in you SHOULD. I just meant that in some cases explicit instruction is required. I am going to have to find someone to teach my kids this if they haven't worked it out by 10 or so.

Lo and behold we are still having issues in this class which was completely unbeknownst to us until recently when mid-terms came out. We spoke to DD8 about the incident from my original post and thought that was that. DD has not mentioned anything else to us and the teacher has not contacted us with any issues.

DD's grade for the 1st and 2nd quarter has been an A. Now for the 3rd quarter she is getting a C. I contacted the teacher to find out what was going on and was told that DD doesn't pay attention to her instructions and then hurrys through the assignments so she doesn't have homework. Then the teacher proceeded to tell me how many times she goes over the instructions with the class and how she does examples, then asks questions, has the students do any example, then does the practice examples, then repeats the instructions again, then asks the students to reread the instructions and so forth. By my count, the teacher is repeating herself at least 6 times before the students are allowed to start working. I think she was trying to explain to me that there is no reason for DD to not understand the worksheet since she goes over it so many times, but that statement explained to me what part of the problem is.

As a bit of background - this teacher started out as a remedial teacher and some of you may argue with me, but I think that has a lot to do with how she presents the lesson - she is teaching to the lower curve and isn't good at handling the upper curve. DD comes into her class from her gifted pull-out and DD mentioned she is sometimes late. We plan on asking the gifted teacher to try to mind the time better so DD isn't a distraction in a class she is having issues in. I also know several of you have mentioned DD should be able to at least fake that she is paying attention or be respectful enough to sit through this type of over-instruction. But the unnecessary, excessive, reduntant, repetitious, superfluous(get my point!)manner this teacher is using is like poison to DD's ability to stay focused. How can I nicely explain to the teacher that she is basically shooting herself in the foot with DD by not just letting her do the worksheets? Mind you, these aren't brain surgery worksheets - they are singular vs. plural and possessive nouns, etc.

DH and I have already talked with DD and explained she has to do her best to pay attention and not rush through her worksheets. We have reminded her to not fiddle with things in class and leave other students alone. We have even given consequences at home and will continue to do so. I realize a C in 3rd grade doesn't mean much in the long run but dropping from A's to a C in a couple weeks tells me we have a problem and although I know DD has her part in this situation I honestly don't think this can all be blamed on her. I also want to know why the teacher didn't contact us if there was a problem.

I've asked the teacher to have DD bring her work home for us to review since the teacher said she encourages students to take their work home and DD hasn't brought anything home for a long time. I've also asked if DD can read if she does get her work done to an acceptable level to try to give DD a reason to pay attention and do a good job on her work.

Okay let me have it - what can we do to make this situation better? - what should we have done differently? DD will have this teacher in some capacity for the next couple years and I don't want to burn any bridges but we need to figure this out sooner rather than later.

Why can't the students begin working when they UNDERSTAND what to do? Can the teacher give your DD written instructions and her packet of work instead?

Ding-ding-ding. I think we have a winner.



Okay-- well, FIRST, make sure that your DD's tardiness isn't a part of the teacher's perception problem here. That is, is the teacher already primed by her "lateness" to see her as a disruption or a behavioral problem? If so, that's not appropriate, and deeply unfair to your DD.

The other factor which I'll bet is at work here is the sharp transition from higher level to what sounds like revoltingly remedial... in other words, cognitively, your DD is being expected to go from 70 to 5mph without any transition. That'd be hard for most adults.

Secondly, you maybe can USE that late entry to class as a tool here-- you can make the argument (probably successfully) that providing your dd with a packet of the day's work and short written instructions might be better all the way around. See, that way your DD hasn't "missed" any of the teacher's oh-so-critical instructions... and she can get right to work and catch up! (Yay....)


Oh, oh, oh.... ack. Yes, this is TOO TOO much to expect a 3rd grader to 'fake' respectfully and still get right.

"The other factor which I'll bet is at work here is the sharp transition from higher level to what sounds like revoltingly remedial... in other words, cognitively, your DD is being expected to go from 70 to 5mph without any transition. That'd be hard for most adults."

WOW - this was something that for some reason didn't even occur to me! So, so, so glad you thought of this!!!!

It sounds to me that the kid is tuning the teacher out, a perfectly understandable reaction if the teacher is explaining things six different times. GET ON WITH IT!!

However, your DD needs to learn to at least tune in long enough to know what's expected of her, so that's on her. I'd allow her to receive the grade she has earned, with very little muss and fuss. That'll teach her the value of paying attention.

On the other hand, it does seem like the teacher could make an easy accommodation here. If your DD were allowed to begin the assignment as soon as she understands the directions, rather than wait to hear the same information half a dozen times, that would make it easier for her to pay attention. And if she misses something, by starting in too early... again, let the natural consequences unfold. If she starts in on the assignment while the teacher is still talking with the rest of the class, the only one being distracted is your DD.

We asked DD how she felt about the C and if she thought she was really doing her best - she was pretty apathetic to all of it.

I got the impression this teacher would view DD starting on the assignment (before she was done explaining everything over and over) as DD being a disruption. I understood her explanation as the students have to listen to her instructions until she is done and then they can do their work.

This sounds like you've got bigger problems than the assignments then... she's not just tuning out the teacher, she's tuning out school altogether.

I think drastic changes are in order.

This is what we asked the teacher for. I figured we better double check her work for 1. to make sure she is understanding 2. to be able to know better what scores she is receiving for her work done compared to her behaviors in class and 3. at this point if she doesn't do well on her assignments for the rest of the quarter she won't be able to bring her grade up by the end. #3 may seem a bit off because I do believe if she does C work she deserves a C, but then as a protective mother I struggle with knowing she is having issues in this class partly due to reasons she has no control of.


After I asked for DD's work to be brought home I received a reply from the teacher saying she would send home the homework on the more "difficult concepts" but not anything else. Now I feel even more sure that this teacher is trying to maintain her control of the situation and we need to get this issue resolved very quickly!!

This is the only class she has any issue in at all - all her other grades are A's and none of her teachers (including the one I'm worried about) have told us about any issues going on at all. I had to contact this teacher when DD had a C on her mid-term grade card to ask what was going on because I was dumbfounded. The teacher hadn't even contacted us about DD's drop from an A to a C in 2 weeks time - maybe she wasn't concerned but I know we sure were.