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well I was doing several things at once while listening...but that's what I was getting at - it's inspirational. Nice searching!

Thanks everyone. I have logged in a few times to post an update but haven't really been sure of what to say... I took your advice and threw myself a mini pity-party (instead of ice cream I hit the cookies pretty hard). Now I am back. I went to work out yesterday for the first time in I don't know how long. The folks at school are scurrying to cover all the tangible things that were mentioned in both our DOE complaint and our conversation with the superintendent. DD's anxiety seems better since the school is doing what they are supposed to. I will have to remain vigilant but that should be easier to do now that supports are (hopefully) in place. Consultant is totally back on board and has a plan.

To answer some of your questions - neither homeschooling nor the excellent private we wanted to send her to are options with all the complex LD issues. She needs really intense, targeted interventions. Next week we'll see what the plan is for incorporating the recommendations from the Assistive Technology evaluation. It is getting harder and harder to imagine this continuing to work in a regular ed classroom so I think an OOD placement is looking more likely.

If we were willing to send her to an LD school it would probably be a fairly easy agreement to reach. We don't think an LD school is really appropriate, though, and the 2 available are each an hour away. No way can I see an 8 year old doing a 2 hour commute everyday. Yes, she could listen to her high level audio books on the drive but it would probably mean an end to all her extra-curricular activities. Those extra-curriculars are really what are keeping her "in the game" (She swims, dances and is in rehearsal for a musical with a local children's theater group.) So it really is going to come down to finding a way to make it work in the current school, making our peace with the LD school as an option or convincing the district to pay for the 2E school in NYC and DD and I spending M-F at my mother's and coming home on the weekends. None are really great options. I know which will make home life easiest, which will provide the best education for her needs and which is a compromise that doesn't fully address either problem. There are problems with each which is why seeing the "end game" isn't necessarily the light at the end of the tunnel.

So any words of wisdom on whether or not a dedicated LD school has a chance of working? Anyone ever try that kind of commute with such a young child? Other thoughts?

When I was a child I lived 20 minutes away from my school...but my bus ride was a full hour with all the stopping and loading/unloading. In the morning it wasn't so bad. In the afternoon it was tiring a bit. It can be done but is it right for her...I see your point about the extra stuff being what keeps her going.

We've done the commute. We drove an hour (sometimes more in traffic) each way to school last year and part of this year for our gifted school that was phenomenal last year and downright destructive this year. My son was 4 turning 5 when last year started and we did 3 days of commuting and this year he was 6 turning 7 and it was 5 days. He loved the books on CD we listened to. We both enjoyed the special time we had to chat alone on those drives. He shared all about everything he thought. That was a great addition in our lives.

We had to shape our life around school. I would try to make plans in the area to drive less as well as volunteer (a lot!) which was great for knowing the school, the kids, and the other parents. Our extracurriculars diminished or shifted to things at or around the school. But that was okay because school was giving him so much that he didn't need those other things like he had.

I worried about friends living too far away to ever have playdates or do birthday parties but that actually ended up being a non-issue. We became incredibly close with several families and even after leaving the school mid-yr we are still staying in close touch with these friends and continuing to plan playdates.

Biggest issues for us were needing a parent basically living out of the car going back and forth and our son needing to arrive early so he could RUN and play before sitting at school. Winter is the hardest when we left in the dark and drove home in the dark. It was exhausting but completely worth it when we saw him thriving and completely masochistic when school became torture. If this year had been like last, I would have gladly continued to make that drive until he aged out just to get what he needed and see him so happy.

Best wishes on your decisions. You have more experience than I but dealing in least worst options for your child is so gut wrenching and exhausting. I hope you will find answers and peace with the decisions you make.

I can comment on this part, as we've been doing a version of this with DS-now-9 since he was 4. In our case school is about 6 miles away as the crow flies - but we don't have a car, so typically one way is DH and DS going by bike, and the other way is me and DS going by bus. By the time you've followed the bus route/the cyclepath, each of these is between an hour and 75 mins home-school in practice. Some observations:

- in steady state, when things are normal, this is actually not a problem

- but when one parent is away and the other is doing 4 hours travel each day as well as working full time, things get painful! Even if I didn't work, I don't think I could do it alone, certainly not if I had to drive.

- regular one-to-one time with each parent is a real benefit

- we have it a bit easier than you might, because when it's really necessary we can get a taxi instead and then school is only about 20 mins away (but this is too expensive to do more than occasionally)

- DS's extracurriculars happen at school, which makes life easier; and he plays two instruments, which makes life harder. I don't really feel he doesn't have time for extracurriculars. Depends how much you think is enough and how the details work for where you have to be when, though.

- another factor is what kind of homework your child has. DS's school has a no-written-homework policy, so all work he has to do outside school can perfectly well be done on the bus.

- if you have, or could have, a computer or tablet with mobile broadband, the options for occupying the time are a lot broader than audiobooks.

Can't really help with all the other factors in this decision, though... good luck.

I think you might need to go visit the LD schools, DD's test scores in hand, observe in their classrooms, and then have a heart to heart with the principal about your DD's needs and gifts. You will know-- trust yourself-- whether these would be workable.

Honestly, for some kids with interesting developmental issues, this kind of placement (where the targeted therapies are available) is great in elementary; one can then remediate the issues and learn workarounds to the extent possible, and bridge back to public with a stronger skill set. No placement is forever (especially true for a kid like yours or mine)-- you could invest a few years without making it a life commitment, IF the placement seems to truly have what DD needs.

The commute is certainly a downside, not to enter into lightly; again, you will know once you've looked closely whether it's worth the giant investment of time.

Is there an OOD public school closer by that has the particular resources you need? Sometimes that happens....

DeeDee

I haven't read the whole thread, but I wanted to let you know that I am NLD-ish. It actually seems like it is even worse now than when I was a kid. There are a few areas of my life that have been quite affected; I am very bad with machines and tools and putting things together. My spatial abilities are very poor. My sense of direction is incredibly bad, and this is probably the worst part--basically a true disability. I have very bad face recognition, which can be embarrassing. I have never been athletic and am not very coordinated. Socially, though, I don't have any issues to speak of, or no more so than most other bright, intense people I know. I have hidden my problems very effectively and avoided my areas of challenge quite skillfully for most of my life. My husband and I had some conflicts for a while because he thought I was being lazy, was kidding him, or being avoidant until he realized that there are some things I really cannot do or find extremely hard that shouldn't be hard for someone of my intelligence.

My achievement in math was always far below my achievement in other subjects. However, it was okay. I did well enough on the SAT to get into some good schools and graduated from a very good liberal arts college. I have been moderately professionally successful. I do have some degree of math phobia, and regret that I did not pursue science, a real interest, due to fear of math.

All the same, while I do seem to recognize myself in NLD, I don't feel it's been a huge issue. This is not to say that your child's problems are insignificant--just wanted to give you that glimpse into a potential future.

Pemberley
We moved. We sold our house and moved so that DS's commute would be shorter - he does about 45 minutes each way on the bus. He likes it. He has some friends on the bus who he talks to or he zones out after a busy day. However, without the bus - its about the same time - 30-45 minutes by car or public transportation but its a big commitment of mine or my husband's time. And at CollinsMum says, its rough when its just the one parent. We know parents who do it everyday though and just figure it out because what they get for it is worth it. In our case, its a school that while not truly challenging our DYS is pretty good enough - he is happy, we are happy - so the commute seems tolerable. If the school was not meeting 85% of his needs it would not be worth it. But you have to try it to find it out - and after having a bad placement - 85% is awesome.

I second DeeDee talk to the NYC school, at least see how rough it would be for you.

But for now - enjoy the hard fought achievement in compliance - they are finally doing what they are supposed to be doing and your DD is responding to that, this is worth some "me" time!

DeHe

I'd want to visit the schools too before ruling them out. FWIW, we used to have a school devoted specifically to LDs related to reading disorders, and my older dd attended summer school the year after first grade. It was an amazing school - and I soooo wish I could have sent my EG ds there once we realized how he was struggling with expressive language (unfortunately the school closed due to financial issues). Before I'd been in the school, I had a mental bias of assuming it was for students who were lower on the learning curve and if you sent a gifted kid there they would languish... but I was very, very wrong! I don't know how the LD schools near you are set up - but these are the things that our local school did that were so amazing for my dd and for other children, and I think would have benefited my ds tremendously:

* Most of the teachers had also struggled with LDs as children, so they really understood how to reach the kids, not just with academics, but the emotional and social side of growing up with an LD. They were available for the kids to call to talk to after hours too.

* Truly differentiated learning (more so than any of our gifted programs offer) - children were placed in the class that was at their ability level in each subject - so a 5th grade student, for instance, could be working at a remedial level in reading but be enrolled in high school math at the same time.

* Unlike most schools, the goal wasn't to enroll the child and keep them there for the full suite of grades the school taught; the goal was to enroll the child, help them catch up to grade level in reading ASAP, help them become comfortable with who they are and with their LD, teach them how to advocate for themselves, and then send them BACK into the "real" school world.

Back when my dd was enrolled for summer school, the president of her K-12 school's (regular school) student body was a former "graduate" of the LD school's program (he is dyslexic). He spent (I think) two years at the school, and for him, it literally changed his life - not just in learning how to read, but in realizing he was an ok kid and that his LD didn't have to define his life.

So anyway - just one example of how an LD school isn't necessarily a bad choice for 2e kids. But of course, it all depends on the school.

Re the long commute - that's a tough call. We have a 30-minute each way commute to our kids' school, and it's not my favorite part of the day! OTOH, it gives us time where we are all stuck together in a confined space and I can talk to the kids about their day and what they have coming up for homework that night etc... and they can't escape lol. Although the kids who attend the school all live spread out across our city, my kids still have friends that they socialize with from school - they either go home and we pick them up at their friend's house, or we all meet up somewhere on the weekends. Extracurricular activities are working out a-ok - they participate in some offered through the school, and most of the others they participate in are 1/2-way between here and there so we'd be driving to them anyway. Our kids still have friends in our neighborhood even though they don't go to the same school. In my ideal world, that ideal school would be just up the street and I'd send my happy Father-Knows-Best kids out the door looking all spiffy and ready for the world every morning to walk one block to school, then they'd walk back home at 3, homework would be over by 4, they'd have lots of time to play, and angels would be singing in the background (kidding!). In the real world, having the commute isn't all that fun, but otoh - having my kids enrolled in a school that they LOVE, where the teachers do a good job of challenging them as well as trying to understand ds' LD, and where *I* am not constantly battling to be sure ds has what he needs at school - those bonuses are well worth the commute.

Another thing about commuter schools (we've attended 3 so far) - there are usually car pools etc... and a lot of the local organizations that sponsor extra-curricular activities offer inexpensive van service from the school to their location (gymnastics, etc).

I also can't remember - do you have any other children? I'm guessing not since you haven't mentioned them. If you do, that would of course factor in to all of this.

I know that whatever you do choose - it will be a good choice Pemberley - you're doing an excellent job of making sure your dd has what she needs.

Best wishes,

polarbear

ps - our neighbor boy rides a school bus 45 minutes each way each day because he's bussed to a special program within our district. He reads and does his homework on the bus. My dd8 rides a van to gymnastics an also does her homework on the van ride. Sometimes my dds do their homework while riding in the car with me too. DS, otoh, would be upchucking all over the place if he did homework in the car... so that's not a good solution for everyone!

I called the LD school today but the admissions director was not in. DH and I will try to visit next week. I haven't gotten a warm and fuzzy feeling from either their website or the person I spoke to today. The 2E school in NYC, though, I immediately felt comfortable. I guess I'll see what feeling I get in person.

Today spec ed teacher brought up the possibility of putting DD into "prescriptive PE" in addition to all the other services. I think it is a good idea - between the dyspraxia and the working memory issues she can have a hard time keeping up and the other day when they did a team activity her team mates apparently made their displeasure known. Adding this and Assistive Technology to her already incredibly complex IEP? I think the writing is clearly on the wall about regular ed not working...

I heard "off the record" from someone who I can be absolutely certain is reporting accurately that our district just recently agreed to place a kid at this LD school an hour away. They are not, however, providing transportation. My plan had been to argue that tuition plus transportation would cost them more than just paying for the 2E school in NYC. No way could I commit to driving 20 hours a week. No way is that reasonable. This other family could mean a carpool option but even so that is 10 hours a week for me driving and 10 for them. I had assumed DD would be doing the time on a school bus - probably not as good for her but at least *maybe* doable. The biggest problem is that she would have to leave home an hour and a half earlier in the morning than she is leaving now. That is HUGE. Not to mention 4 gallons of gas a day if I have to drive her myself...

We have considered - very seriously considered - selling our house and relocating to a different school district. No guarantee that they will be able to meet her needs any better, though. If we succeed in getting OOD placement we have to stay in our district. If we relocate our district won't have to pay and we would have to start all over wherever we relocate. So while the simple solution would be to move halfway and have DD and DH each travel 30 minutes it's not really practical. I can't really picture doing any HW on a bus or in the car unless it's audio books. Could work when she's older but now - with both dysgraphia and math disabilities - I can't see her using the time that way.