Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy multiple emotional meltdowns - what to do?

My DS9 has been designated gifted and shows many of the oversensitivities and has a history of anxiety. He has improved a lot since age 7 but is still battling a lot of emotion daily. Though otherwise he is a lovely happy lighthearted boy.

This morning's example. He wanted to join the school choir which has two practices - one during lunchtime and one early morning. We woke early this morning to get him to his first practice and spent 45 minutes outside the classroom agonizing over it and eventually not going in. I tried everything. I was firm "You should just go in", reassuring "it'll be fine - you can just try it today and decide how you feel about it" lighthearted - made jokes and made him smile but it all ended in tears. He didn't end up going and when the school day was about to start was in tears and begging to be taken home.

This is one of many episodes.

The other day a boy he didn't know made a somewhat neutral comment about him that he overheard. He was destroyed. Felt like everyone hated him and had trouble going to school for days. Though he went.

Another, a boy he struck out at (a rare occurence - he was being teased) TWO YEARS AGO made a recent comment to him about it and he was paralyzed with fear that he was going to tell on him. For days he wouldn't go to school.

This is extremely hard to deal with and I'm so sad watching him suffer.

There is a counsellor that might be right for him but I'm concerned that recommending counselling is going to make him feel worse.

Has anyone been down this path?

I would love to hear how anyone else has helped their child(ren) through this.

Thanks!

Others can provide better advice, but was he well fed before these things happened? Some gifted kids have reactive hypoglycemia and if they don't eat roughly every two hours the emotional sensitivities get heightened. Often causes complete meltdowns... Particularly if you have a child who forgets to eat or does not notice they are hungry when busy or anxious.

Just thought I would mention it because it sounds like the activity hit during his usual breakfast and lunch.

Thanks for replying. He eats well and often. He had a full breakfast. However, he is dramatically affected by lack of sleep and he has trouble sleeping. That might have played a role in today's upset.

What to do about that too?

We do quiet things down later in the day and follow a set routine; pajamas, stories, quiet time reading, lights out, two visits etc.

DS5 definitely is sensitive to hypoglycaemia. We noticed his anxiety increasing over the last few months so took him to a resilience/managing anxiety group program which has been great. If you find the right counsellor it may make a huge difference as well as arm you with some helpful techniques to help him also.

Is he an only child?

My older sister was not an only child, obviously, but definitely the signing up for something and not wanting to go was a type of thing she used to do (she would really freeze up and/or make a big fuss), and also reacting very, very strongly to things said that weren't necessarily that warm and friendly but things kids say (she could actually be pretty mean herself). My mother used me as sort of a social/emotional "companion" to her so I had to get signed up for anything she did, but it didn't always cure her from freezing up, but my mother would pretty much just push her in the door and take off. Did the choir director help you get him in the door and make him feel comfortable? Did you talk to him/her afterward, will your son try again?

I would say counseling would help if it's a good fit - did you ask them how they would approach him (i.e. like a victim or someone who needs to learn more about himself and some new tools his parents don't know about?)

I think the kid saying something about what happened 2 years ago is an indication that there might be some social dynamics he's having to deal with at school. Maybe it's not super bad but sort of "there". Why can't that boy let the incident from that long ago "go"? Everyone makes mistakes.

Have you read many books or articles about highly sensitive children there might be tips there.

excuse me Tillamook, but this is for Bobbie re:

"resilience/managing anxiety group program"

Where/how did you find that? I've never seen one of those before.

I am in Australia but it is run through a children's psychology group. They have groups for a range of ages and for DS it was good for him to know that he is not the only one that cries when his mum leaves/petrified of the dark etc. I will message you with the details of their website as you may be able to find something similar.

I don't have many answers at this point but this is exactly the child I have with anxiety issues. He is 6 and worries himself into a frenzy. When he started pulling his hair out and having nightly nightmares and sleeping issues, we took him to a LCSW who is a School Social Worker in our district and has a private practice on the side.

We told him about "confidentiality" and that this would be a person whomhe could talk to that had to keep his secrets. We told him it was a safe place where he could talk and get some tools to help him feel better. He was open to it and excited about it.

She was pretty and enthusiastic which helped for my DS. After his first session he said he wanted to go again because it made him feel "refreshed" like a sensory break at school.

She got to know him and since he likes Lego Ninjago, she helped him make a book about being a Ninja based on their work together. It said Ninjas were brave and strong and just kept going. They talked about how he could keep going and the book showed the "Ninja Tools" he could use. She also talked to him about his "worry brain" and how his body reacted.

That was very helpful but the most useful thing that I have learned is the power of intense aerobic exercise. I've learned that tryptophan which is a protein used to make Seratonin in the brain is a smaller amino acid which is often blocked when other larger amino acids are in your system. When you exercise intensely your muscles use up many of the larger amino acids allowing more tryptophan to make it in to the brain and boosts seratonin. Many have heard of the "runner's high". Seratonin is soothing to anxiety issues in the cingulate gyrus and calms things down. I found the effects rather amazing really.

We saw big improvement for my son when we took him to the track and let him run a half mile to a mile each day. The more severe the anxiety is the more exercise he needs.

For sleep, one technique I read that helps at my house is a form of self hypnosis. You focus on something and take in 3 slow deep breaths. Then close your eyes and imagine walking down a staircase of 100 steps counting backwards till you reach the bottom. At the bottom you can open the door to the most relaxing place you can imagine and spend time enjoying the smells, sights, sounds, feelings of that place.

This usually works on one try and we do it each night. When needed we will go down the steps again or go to another staircase like the one we call number 3 where we go down 300 steps counting backward by 3's.

I also read that if going to sleep takes longer than 20 min you should stop, get up for a bit and try again an hour later. This saved us some real misery a few times.

I hope some of this is helpful for you! Sleep issues are debilitating and anxiety issues feel so frustrating as a parent because it feels like nothing you do or say helps. Helpless is hard.

My 9yo is very much the same. He's probably dealing with multiple anxiety issues, and other things as well (see my recent posts for the painful story). You're definitely not alone.

Getting through these issues can be hard. Finding a good therapist may be helpful.

My sons also thinks everyone at school hates him or "thinks he's an idiot" if he gets teased even a little. Unfortunately, teachers don't see all the teasing and it is very hard for us to deal with. The emotional outbursts make him even more of a target.

Please let us know how you're doing. Good luck.