Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional homeschooling - Asperger / High Functioning Autism

Just wondering how many parents here have been homeschooling their Asperger or High Functioning Autism kids (or even other similar diagnoses ... PDD-NOS, etc.) ... did you start from the preschool age? Or took them out of school later on? We keep wondering what to do with our younger one who is turning 3 in March. I know I can get him socialized in other settings and he has zero cravings for that kind of structured setting that school offers (unlike DS4 who started 3 months ago in special ed preschool and is absolutely thriving). I know we still have plenty of time to think about all this but if we want to go the traditional public school route, he will need to go to special ed preschool to start getting used to the routines and everything else vs. if we decide homeschooling is better for him, we wouldn't have to worry about any of this for another 2 years (well, we would unoficially homeschool or more so unschool).

I keep thinking that the school will be so wrapped up in working on his shortcomings that all his strong points will be overlooked. ... and that would be such a shame ... he's our "genius baby" (and by that I don't mean he's an actual genius, so don't take me wrong! lol ... but he is the one that does all kinds of crazy advanced things just teaching himself ... picking it up from TV, games, books so I think homeschool approach would work great for him!). I want him to be the smart independent boy he is (though little less independance wouldn't hurt either!) and don't like how so many "specialists" just concentrate on breaking his current behavior but none gets him for who he is. ... sorry ... I'm rambling at this point.

Has he ever been in preschool before? I would suggest trying out a part-time preschool a few days a week and just see how he does. Find out about your local school and how they handle 2e kids. Some public schools allow children to be home schooled, but then come to school a few days a week for certain classes with their agemates or for special ed services in areas that require it.

My son has PDD-NOS, and if I could go back in time and find a way to home school him instead of sending him to school, I would do it 100x over. This year (3rd) has been pretty good, but K-2nd was TERRIBLE. Traumatizing. Awful. I don't have enough words. I did not/do not have the option of homeschooling him though.

we will have the option to put him into public school district preschool 2.5hrs / day 5 days a week (just like the older one is in) but he would most likely require a one-on-one aid for now. When we faced the decision with DS4 as he aged out of Early Intervention we decided against the preschool and any school services back then and waited one whole year and now he went in after he turned 4 and we have zero regrets. He was NOT ready the year before and now really wanted to go. But he's our outgoing child. DS2.10 is a loner who wants to do his own thing, learn his own thing and will come when he needs us or help but is very independent. So maybe we'll give it another year and re-evaluate? Or we can try the preschool for couple weeks and if it's too much of a disaster then we'd pull him out maybe? We're not sure if we can pull of homeschooling but if it's something that we find REALLY needed, we'd do it.

Are there any local private pre-schools you can afford? Those are often a bit easier to test the waters with - you can often observe the classrooms, drop them off/pick them up when you want - which is good when trying to get them to adjust.

that would probably be a total disaster! I'm guessing he'd be kicked out right the first day! lol The public special ed preschool is most likely the only option since they would HAVE to work with him. He can't even stand to be at the library story time for more than 2 minutes. But does like going to a local play area ... kind of like a children's museum type of place where there isn't really any structure but he still gets the exposure to other adults and kids.

If we had been able to get a dx for our DS10 in time, I would definitely have used the special needs preschool. We did not have that option, but I wish we had.

Our therapy team has strongly advocated keeping DS in public school; at one point I looked at all other options, including homeschooling, but for a kid with AS who really needs tons of practice to learn what's expected of him in public settings, a public school with good support truly is the best place to be.

DS learned no really significant academic content for about the first three years, but he learned a TON about what was expected of him in behavior, group settings, and managing relationships with peers. It was not always pretty. But now I see him functioning well and with increasing independence at school and in other public places and I know we did the right thing. He will actually be able to hold a job (which I really doubted when he was younger), largely because he now understands how to accept instruction, work in a team, and be resilient when things get challenging.

For us, this was the right course, and we are starting to see the rewards.
DeeDee

I guess the big reason why I am so "shy" about all the therapy and special ed and all is that I see DS respond so much better to me than anyone else! I can get him to do a lot without too much pushing whereas when the therapists try to push, he shuts down for them. He can't stand that approach. So why put him somewhere where he'd be stressed all day / half day when he can be happy at home and still making a great progress? I know he can't always be just with me and I make sure he isn't ... but he seems to respond to me so much better than others so I keep thinking why not take advantage of it and homeschool?

I went to a Tony Attwood all day seminar last year and he was asked about homeschooling, his response is that in most cases he thinks kids with Aspergers can do ok in primary school (k-6 or k-7 here, depending on state) and it is to their benefit to go, but if your child is not coping by all means consider homeschooling, particularly in early highschool (7-9 or 10), when the "normal" children are little animals (his words not mine). He was not talking specifically about gifted children but he was very clearly talking about very high functioning children.

He also strongly advised dropping your child off and picking them up if there was any risk of bullying while getting too and from school.

That said I would like to gently suggest that the fact that he works well with you but not other people is a part of his diagnosis, and one that most definitely needs to be (gently) worked on.

bullying is definitely something that I am worried about with both boys past preschool ... all Kindergarten kids here take the same bus as 6th graders since our elementary is K-6.

He will also still receive private therapy through a place where our older one goes and he already knows the place and the staff and is fairly ok in that setting.

Often a child with autism has one person (usually the mom) that they do this with. As Mum3 says, it's part of the deal with this diagnosis. Often it means that they've trained you to give them what's easy for them and doesn't stretch their capacities.

Yes, being in the special needs preschool would be hard for him. It's serious work to learn social skills for any preschooler, and for an autistic preschooler this is very difficult. But it also gives him the best shot at having the skills to do okay in school and life later.

Keeping the medium and long term in mind, you need him to develop flexibility that he doesn't yet have. Doing things that you don't feel like doing isn't just an unreasonable chore, it's part of life, and if he doesn't learn to do that when necessary he won't be employable.

My feeling is, no matter how much easier it would have been on my DS to keep him home, it was much better for him to be forced to be flexible. And as with the food stuff I described in my other post today, he learned what we taught him: he is so much more flexible now, which opens horizons for him that aren't possible for a person with rigid habits that feel like "needs" but are really just rigid habits. Adults who are not able to bend to the needs of others aren't very functional or pleasant: they often come across to others as spoiled, selfish, and petulant, even if there's a good reason why they're inflexible.

This may sound hard-hearted, but it's not. It's just a matter of getting over the hump toward something that's really going to make his life better over the long run. If we hadn't pushed DS10 to overcome his fear of the woods, he wouldn't be an accomplished hiker and camper today. If we hadn't insisted he eat a varied diet, he still wouldn't, and we'd hardly be able to eat out or travel. Autism can shrink a person's world; if through parenting choices we can expand it again, it makes a better life.

DS is signing up for sleepaway camp this summer and thinks he might miss us *a little*, but he knows he'll be fine. I'm really proud of him; he worked hard to get to this point.

DeeDee